True Delights
by freerangeegghead
Summary: In which, as everything is coming up roses for Rachel & Santana, Kurt's own world is unraveling before his very eyes. How Kurt gets creative, and learns a few things about himself along the way.Occurs after "The Learning Curve" events (Part III.5 of Loop/Sp/Learning 'verse). Kurt/Pezberry/Suzie/Dave Karofsky. Pezberry from Kurt's POV.Humor,fun,parody,maybe romance. Complete.
1. Things Fall Apart

_**Author's notes: Dear readers, here is a follow-up to the "In the Loop", "The Space Between" and "The Learning Curve" stories.**_

_**In which, even as everything seems to be coming up roses for his Brooklyn-based friends Rachel and Santana and the family they are expanding, Kurt Hummel's world is unraveling before his very eyes. The story of Kurt's journey back to life. Occurs in the same 'verse as "In the Loop","The Learning Curve", etc. Kurt Hummel with a generous side of Pezberry and Suzie friendship. Also contains updates on the Pezberry-Suzie family after "The Learning Curve". Later chapters also give an insight into Rachel and Santana, their relationship and their family from Kurt's perspective. **_**:)**

_**This chapter has been described by the beta as dark (with equal measures of dark comedy), so there is the absence of fluff and pairings (maybe) so if you are looking for fluff and romantic pairings/couplings, you may skip this story. If you do like explorations of the dark side of life, then you're in the right verse. But, this could be fun, though. **_**;)**

_**As always, you have been warned. Read at your own risk.**_

_**Disclaimer: As always, Glee owns the Glee characters. The pop culture references you recognize are obviously not mine either. **_**:-)**_**The original characters and prose are all mine. The humor, the plot and themes are all mine, too. Sometimes.**_ :)

* * *

Kurt stands outside the building's front steps, clutching the script in his hand. He stands there for what seems like forever, as the chill autumn wind blows through the paper in his hand. They hadn't even let him read the script. This is what goes through his mind. The producers, the director, whoever else was at that reading, didn't even take a second look at him. They glanced at him, one sweeping glance that took in his shiny, gray coat and tie ensemble, a suit he had bought just for this occasion, and the producer had said, "We're looking for somebody else…"

This time, there was not even any introductory, perfunctory apology, the producers had just gone straight to telling him he was not right for the part, and waved him away with a dismissive wave of the hand, and where before there were interested faces now that had given way to uninterested, bored faces. Clearly they had already moved on to the next set of headshots in their folders, his eight by ten inch black and white head shot, the pensive one Rachel had suggested he send to the producers, already discarded by the side of the table as if it were yesterday's newspaper. They had waved him away as if he were a fly, a nuisance that they wanted to swat away with a dismissive wave of the hand.

He does not know how long he stands there before a deep, voice from behind him, to his right, says, "Hey, you okay there?"

He looks up now to see a young, blonde man, perhaps fresh out of high school, asking him, as the young man lights a cigarette, one hand cupping the flame lighting the cigarette with the other hand, keeping the autumn wind away. A breeze plays with the young man's hair and as Kurt stares, he finds that the man is handsome in that rugged, Midwestern way, arm muscles bulging out of his tight red and white checkered polo shirt. The young man seems oblivious to Kurt's staring though, and only smiles.

"Saw you in there," the young man drawls now, nodding his head in the direction of the building, "You went in and out of there so fast. Guess you didn't get the part either, huh?"

Kurt looks at him, the annoyance, the venom, a ready insult, coiling up from deep within his gut, waiting to creep up and spring forth from his lips, and bite this annoying but good-looking young man, but Kurt decides he is not in the mood to give in to his bitchy instinct, decides he is better than this, decides not to ruin his day even more, and instead forces a smile on his face and shrugs nonchalantly.

"Yeah," the young man drawls again, dragging out the word longer than it should. This annoys Kurt. The young man also starts rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. The young man takes a drag of his cigarette, blows out smoke from his mouth and nostrils, watches the smoke curl up into wisps before it dissipates. There is a silence that punctuates this last action and for some strange reason, Kurt gets even more annoyed. "Didn't get the part, too."

The young man continues to blow smoke up into the air.

"Same thing happened to me last week during auditions for 'Death of a Salesman'," the young man says now, thoughtful, frowning, between the smoke that escapes his lips. "Guy named Jesse St. Somebody got the fucking part."

Kurt stops, looks at the young man listlessly smoking his cigarette, and sputters, "Jesse St. James?"

Kurt hopes the man doesn't notice the slow burning anger that tints his voice when he says the name. When the young confirms it with a nod and a "Yeah, that's the one", Kurt can't help the contempt that rises out of his gut at the thought that Jesse freaking St. James gets a part in 'Death of Salesman' and he doesn't. These days, it would seem that all Jesse St. James seems to be getting the parts meant for him. Him and for some strange freaking reason, Sebastian "Meerkat" Smythe, his former enemy from Dalton Academy, who has been making a name for himself in off-Broadway plays, too.

The young man smokes oblivious beside him, rambling on, not noticing Kurt's change in mood. "…Said I was too young for the part or some such shit. Assholes. If they think I'd go and go down on them or jerk them off or something just so I can get the part, they've got another thing comin'. Fucking bastards."

Kurt inwardly grimaces at the crassness. But it's not only the crassness that gets to Kurt, though. It's how it is said as if the man is at the end of his pitiful rope, holding off the inevitable plummeting into the pit of despair, holding off the crippling cynicism that comes with trying to make it in this business, it's how the words are tinged ever so lightly with bitterness that gets to Kurt. Kurt grimaces because the young man has just expressed, in words and in the unsaid, Kurt's exact feelings. In fact, if the young man suddenly grabs a chair or a rock or something and throwing it against the glass doors of the building, Kurt would have helped him as well. The thing is, he has heard it all before: too young, too old, too tall, too short, too thin, too chubby, too gay, not gay enough, too white, voice too high, face too bland, too attractive… and there had come a point in his life as an actor when he found himself actually groveling for these parts, during those auditions, during those times when he and Rachel had shared an apartment during their early days in New York, an apartment with no heating, no furniture, no appliances, no beddings, no security, rats the size of their arms, bionic cockroaches, in a neighborhood known for shady drug deals, resting on the border between suburbia and the city, just near the place where Red October days happened. And the groveling wasn't pretty, he recalls: "I can be older", "I can be younger", "I can be taller", "I can be shorter", "I can chubbier", "I can be thinner", "I can be less gay", "I can be gay enough", "I can be less…white", "My voice can be lower", "I can be less bland", "I can be less attractive" - although how he can actually achieve being less white, less bland or less attractive he doesn't know. He and Rachel had gone through the same process, although not necessarily the same auditions and Rachel had also experienced the same brand of rejection, except between him and Rachel, Rachel has definitely come a long way since then, having gained fame and finally, _respect_, not on Broadway, but by actually _ditching_ Broadway and _teaching_ music and literature in a _Brooklyn_ high school. By ditching Broadway, she actually finds herself back on Broadway, bigger, stronger, with a starring role in a Barbra Streisand musical, a Tony Award under her belt, her own Foundation, an annoying but devoted, loyal, _loving_, successful lawyer wife and partner, a child, a _freaking_ family, whereas, here he is, still auditioning, still being told, with body language and looks, that he is still too anything or not enough anything, to be in anything. Sure he has a segment on a morning show, but he's been in the show so long it has started to be a joke, even to his friends. Sometimes, he feels a little jealous at his best friend's good luck.

Kurt sighs before he realizes that the young man is actually seriously checking him out. _Oh, my god, seriously?_ he thinks to himself, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. The young man must have sensed his annoyance, because in a few minutes, Kurt finds himself alone on the steps, his phone vibrating in his pocket. He fishes his mobile phone out to see that it is a text from Rachel. _Speak of the devil,_ he tells himself. He unlocks his phone to find that Rachel is confirming if they are still on for coffee or not. Kurt makes to reply "yes" but suddenly, has this urge to cancel. In a day where he has, again, been turned down for a part, he doesn't really want to be with his perky, ever chipper best friend, giving Kurt a rundown of her latest activities and of course, the latest updates about her family. Kurt sighs again. Maybe he should just go home.

But not before giving his agent a good talking to.

* * *

Kurt paces in front of his agent, Joe Maguire, in the agent's modest office, face red, face fuming, as he angrily talks to his agent.

"Jesse St. James' agent gets him a part in 'Death of a Salesman'," Kurt is saying now, hands flailing, as he walks from one end of the modest office to the other. "Jesse St. James, Joe! Jesse St. freaking James!"

Joe Maguire leans back on his leather upholstered swivel chair, makes a steeple with his hands, shrugs his shoulders and calmly asks, "Yeah, so?"

The way Joe Maguire says this last part infuriates Kurt even more and he looks at his agent, irritated and exasperated as he says, "So? What do you mean so? Do you know I can act circles around that guy? That guy can't act if his life depended on it! I saw him on 'True Delights' and he was just freaking awful!"

Joe just looks at Kurt silently for a few moments, pushes up his thick glasses with the forefinger of his right hand, squints, scratches his head, tousled ash gray hair moving slightly with his hand, before he looks at Kurt again as Kurt says, "And I can't believe you didn't even get me an audition for that play!"

Joe now speaks and says, "I did try to get you an audition for that play, Kurt."

"And?" Kurt asks impatiently now.

Joe is silent for a few moments before he says, "And…well…they passed…"

"What do you mean they passed?" Kurt demands.

Joe sighs now, and patiently explains, as if he is explaining something to a ten-year-old, "I mean they passed, Kurt. When they found out I was representing you and wanted to get an audition for you, they didn't even bat an eyelash, they said, 'No, thanks'."

"What?" Kurt says. For some strange reason, there is a creeping anxiety that crawls up from his gut and on up to his chest and throat, and he finds he cannot breathe. He moves to loosen his tie and comes nearer.

Joe shrugs. "They…" he pauses, hesitates, before he says, "I don't know how to explain this in simpler terms but…Kurt…they didn't want to work with you…"

"What?" Kurt whispers now, barely above a whisper, as he finds himself slowly sitting on the chair opposite Joe, leaning his arm on the desk. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…"Joe continues now, carefully. "Nobody on Broadway wants to work with you."

Kurt snorts, puts on a bravado that he doesn't quite feel as he says, "That's a lie. Have you _talked_ to everyone on Broadway?"

Joe snorts back. "_Almost_ everyone," Joe retorts. "I've been trying to get you acting gigs for ages. What do you think have I been doing these past few months? _Years?_"

"Exactly," Kurt snaps. "_Exactly_! You've been my agent for years, Joe, and you haven't shown me the money! Maybe I should just get another agent. How would you like that?"

Joe cocks an eyebrow, daring Kurt to do so. Kurt thinks he may have crossed the line and backs up. Joe says, "You know, I'm the best there is in this business and you know it and I'm telling you, Kurt, nobody wants to work with you…"

Kurt shakes his head, disbelieving. "That's a lie," he repeats. "I have that television show on UPS…"

"Well…" Joe says now, uncertainly. "That show is kind of being reformatted, even as we speak. They're getting new producers for that show. Ratings have been steadily dropping. They might let go of some its employees. Like you and your segment."

"That's just _absurd_," Kurt says. "I've been in that show for ages. They can't let me go now."

Joe shrugs. "Ratings, Kurt. It's all about the ratings. It's just hard these days, you know? And also, apparently, not many people are interested in listening to fashion advice about how gold leggings are the next big thing. The era of the 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' is officially over."

Kurt is silent as he lets this sink in. The anxiety, now coupled with panic, continues to grow in the pit of his stomach.

"Well, then what about Hollywood?" Kurt asks now, a little hope burgeoning in his heart, as he tries to push the anxiety and panic down. "Surely I can find work there? A commercial, a crappy pilot that will get canceled after a few episodes, a soap that needs a new actor for an old character who's had plastic surgery? Like, I don't know, 'The Bold and the Restless' or something."

Joe shakes his head. "I'm sorry, I guess I forgot to include that part. _Nobody_ in Hollywood wants to work with you either."

"What do you mean nobody wants to work with me in Hollywood?"

"What, am I talking to myself here?" Joe says, his Brooklyn accent suddenly coming out. "_Nobody_ wants to work with you. They just don't want to."

"Aw, come on, Joe, that's just ridiculous," Kurt says now. "I'll even do those movies where I just stand in front of a blue screen or a green screen or something and pretend that some kind of giant lizard or a car that turns into a robot is about to explode me with its mind or something. I mean, even Shia Lebouf still gets jobs! And he's just _awful_. I mean seriously, how is that guy still getting jobs?!"

"You're not listening to me, Kurt," Joe says, exasperated. He leans over the desk. "You're just _too_ much trouble, Kurt, that's what they keep saying. They say you're too much of a diva. You argue with everyone. You argue with the director, you argue with the writers, you argue with your co-stars!"

"That's not true…That _can't_ be true…"

Joe looks at him, eyebrows raised, throwing up his hands in the air, as if pointing out that they are arguing right now. "Denial is not just a river in Egypt, you know," he says now. "You argued with that director about whether a dying man would have the strength to crawl to center stage while delivering the monologue!"

"Joe, I had to crawl from stage left to center stage, a good few meters, I might add, while I was doing my monologue!" Kurt argues now. "A rather _lengthy_ monologue at that!"

Joe snorts. "Kurt, you play an eggplant in a commercial and you argue with the director about whether the eggplant sits or stands!"

"I was an eggplant, Joe! Eggplants don't sit! Why the hell would an eggplant sit?" Kurt argues now, voice strangely rising even higher.

Joe makes a noise as if he is losing his patience with Kurt and says, voice raised, as well, "You were a freaking eggplant, Kurt! Who the hell cares whether you sit or stand! You didn't have to argue with the director over that! That shoot cost them thousands of dollars because _you didn't want to sit down because you thought eggplants didn't sit down!_"

As Kurt sits there listening, Joe continues by saying, "And of course, you argued about how the eggplant costume wasn't the exact shade that an _actual_ eggplant is. I mean, seriously, Kurt."

Kurt makes a face. "Whatever. Their loss, not mine," he says stubbornly. "Besides, I had that HIV-AIDS commercial for that ARV drug company that…"

"Uh…" here Joe makes a sheepish face. "Sorry, they pulled you out of that one."

"What?"

"They…kind of wanted to go with someone else…"

"What does that mean? And when were you ever going to tell me any of this?"

"Well, I'm telling you now. They kind of wanted to go with someone with…a darker skin tone…"

"What?!" Kurt asks. "I can't even…" he stops, the annoyance and panic and anxiety threatening to strangle him on the chest. He tries to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. "Okay, what about that play that my friend André wrote? I could be in that one, can't I? I mean, it's really good…"

"Geez, Kurt, I'm your agent, not your freaking producer! I field offers, that's what I do, that's what I'm good at," Joe says now, annoyed and exasperated. "Get some help or something. Get some therapy, I don't know. But I can't get you parts as long as you insist on being difficult on set or on stage!"

"Fine," Kurt snaps sulkily.

"And also, I did try to get you a job in one of those screen green things, and I can't believe you forgot that one time when you argued with the director about how you're supposed to react to the ping pong ball that's supposed to be some kind of creature later," Joe says now.

"Fine! _Fine_," Kurt practically shouts, having decided he had had enough and unwilling to listen to whatever Joe has to say next. "I'm just going to have to raise the money myself and produce the play!"

With that he gets up and storms out of Joe's office in a huff, as Joe tries to call him back.

Kurt does not hear him for the tears that suddenly fill his eyes. All he can think of is home. Going home. Bruce would be there. Bruce would make everything better. Bruce would help him forget.

* * *

Kurt doesn't even see the other man in _their_ bed until Bruce jumps up, buck naked but for a small throw pillow covering what Kurt can guess now is the flaccidness between his legs. But the other man crawls out from under the comforter, all muscular and sweaty and handsome and young, and Kurt just stands there, open-mouthed, as Bruce and the man says, "Kurt, it's not what you think…" Kurt stares at the other man, before he realizes it is André, the friend he had mentioned to Joe earlier, bronzed skin glistening with sweat, looking, for all intents and purposes, like the guy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. _Kurt's_ cookie jar.

Kurt just stands there for what seems like ages, but what he thinks to himself is of course, everything is always what you think it is, before he snaps into action, turns around and runs out of the apartment.

* * *

He hadn't wanted to ring the doorbell, but Felicia and Pepper, weren't answering their phones ("Some friends you are!" he mutters to himself, resisting the urge to throw his phone against the wall), although truthfully, hanging out with people who are also friends with André didn't particularly strike him as appealing to say the least. And he certainly had not wanted to go home to their apartment, in the off chance that Bruce and the man he is cheating on Kurt with, are still buck naked and sweaty and disheveled and having sex in their bed.

He shivers in the autumn evening, outside the building, drawing his coat around him as he does so. He looks around, finds the trees swaying gently against the aforementioned autumn breeze. The streets are quiet and empty, and he has to grudgingly admit, Greenburg Hill Gardens has its own peculiar charm, even if he has to take previously unknown subway trains to get here, at this time of the night, with strange people staring at him from where they are perched on sticky seats, feet shuffling on the even stickier floor. He had caught a glimpse of himself on the subway window and he is momentarily shocked at what he looks like: suit rumpled, face red, hair tousled, eyes red and puffy, eyes that look cynical, full of despair, bitterness, anger. Where had all the years gone? How did he get here?

He rings the doorbell again, impatiently, as he stamps his feet against the cold, hoping they are still awake. He had texted them earlier, in the train, and he knows he should have texted even earlier, but there was no time. He had gone to a bar, had gotten tipsy, hit on and had gay men hit on him (for the ego boost he tells himself), had a quick one in one of the bathroom stalls, the man, faceless, drunk, smelling of aftershave and cigarettes and alcohol pounding him against the wall as he tried not to cry, eyes shut tight in the half-darkness, as his world spun around beneath his eyelids, and the music throbbed against his ears, and his head, and the alcohol coursed through his veins, making him dizzy and nauseated as men kept rapping angrily and impatiently against the bathroom stall. He hadn't even bothered to get the man's name, had refused to look him in the eye when the man was done with him, pulling up his pants and zipping it up and buckling his belt and quickly leaving the bathroom stall without even a "thank you" to the guy.

He doesn't know how he gets to Greenburg Hill Gardens from the club by way of train but thankfully, and for some strange reason, he finds himself here, in front of this apartment, hoping against all hope that they would take him in.

He finally hears muffled footsteps, a pause behind the door (presumably someone peeking into the peephole first before opening the door), the noise of the chain, the numerous locks being unlocked, before the doorknob is turned, and the heavy oak door is opened, and there, standing right before him, in a black and white knit sweater, one shoulder exposed for him to see, sweater hanging by her bare thighs, sweater barely concealing her curves, and barely concealing the fact that she is only wearing panties, no pants, barefoot, hair tousled, sleepy, and squinting against the light of the hallway, is Rachel Berry.

"Hey," Rachel mumbles sleepily, yawning behind her hand as she takes a step back and motions for Kurt to come in.

Kurt enters, swaying as he does. Rachel stares at him for a second before saying, accusingly, "Are you drunk?"

Kurt shrugs, and attempts to use his best non-drunk voice, "Noo-_oooo_."

He sees Rachel's eye roll as she shuts the door behind them, locking everything before crossing her arms before her and glares at Kurt.

"Okay, okay, I'm a little tipsy," Kurt concedes now, crumbling in front of Rachel's power glare, the glare that they all jokingly say makes even resident bad asses Santana and Suzie shrink back and think twice before doing anything unpleasant.

"More like, _drunk_," Rachel corrects him, motioning for Kurt to follow her in the kitchen. "What's wrong? You look awful. You okay? And I hate to be the annoying best friend, but it's a little after ten, and I've had a long day, a long _week_ in fact and we're all trying to sleep here…"

It is Kurt's turn to roll his eyes. One of the hazards of having a happily married, extremely domestic best friend is the fact that whilst everyone else is out and about and getting thrashed and getting laid on a Friday night, Rachel, of course, is home and asleep before ten o'clock. He misses those times when they were both young and single and Rachel used to use Kurt as an excuse to bail herself out of a bad date, pretending he was her sick or dying brother, or angry boyfriend or fiancé or husband who had just suddenly magically appeared out of nowhere to give her date hell and Rachel, a great excuse to end a date. These days, it is a rare occasion that he gets to spend time with Rachel. Kurt now looks at his best friend.

"Well, if you have had the day I've had, you'd get drunk, too," Kurt slurs now. "And I'm sorry for…coming here so late…I did text you, I swear."

Rachel nods, understanding in her eyes. She is not a stranger to Kurt's late night calls and so having him on their doorstep in the middle of the night is just this side of normal. "So, what's up? What happened?" Rachel says, as she tries to stifle yet another yawn.

As Kurt recounts the day's events to Rachel, perched on one of the kitchen stools by the counter, Rachel patiently listens, understanding dawning on her, her face now full of sympathy for him as she prepares coffee for him, takes out some cookies and pushes the platter towards him.

"Have you eaten?" Rachel asks now, her sleepiness gradually abating as what Kurt is relating sinks into her. "There's some leftover lasagna and baked mac in the fridge. I could heat them up for you, if you want. San and Suzie love their pasta."

Kurt shakes his head, resisting the urge, again, to just leave this hotbed of domestic bliss. But where would he go? He asks himself. The answer depresses him. Nowhere. So, what he does say is this, "Do you have anything stronger than coffee? Novocaine? Prozac? Ecstacy? Or maybe some Johnnie Walker or Jack Daniels. If you could spare me some of that, that'll be great."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "No. And I don't think you should be drinking anyway. You look drunk enough as it is."

"No, I'm not," Kurt insists, but he cannot resist the slur that clouds his speech and he looks down, guiltily. "But god…my Bruce? With André? I mean, André's practically my best friend!"

Rachel looks at him now, a half-smile on her lips. "I thought I was your best friend."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "_Santana_ is your best friend. I'm the pre-marriage, high school best friend you come to sometimes if you have any problems."

Rachel looks at him tenderly now. "Aaaw, Kurt, that's not true and you know it."

Kurt sighs. "Yes, you're right. I'm sorry." He looks down then he looks up again, remembers Bruce and André again and whines, "And he's just standing there, all gloriously naked and sexy and muscled and he tells me, 'It's not what you think!' Why the hell do they _always_ say that? I mean it's _always_ what you think it is!"

As he tries to sip the coffee Rachel has offered him, he makes a face, and comments, "This is awful…" Then he looks up at Rachel and remembers his agent and he makes a face and says, "And he says _nobody_ will work with me…"

"Nobody?" Rachel asks, confused.

"Nobody. He said," Kurt says morosely.

"I'm sorry, who said nobody will work with you? Bruce?"

"Joe."

"Joe? Joe Maguire? Your agent?" Rachel asks. "Why would he say that?"

"And why do they say, they've decided to go in a different direction instead of saying the truth? That you just don't have what it takes to make it?"

"Joe said that?"

Kurt rolls his eyes and impatiently says, "No. The _producers_. The _directors_. And an eggplant doesn't freaking sit! Geez!"

Before Rachel could say anything, Kurt whines, "And nobody wants to wear gold leggings? Nobody wants my fashion advice? I'm in the seventh circle of hell…"

Rachel puts her hand on her forehead. "Too many conversations going on. Can't keep up…"

And then Kurt remembers Bruce and André again and imagines them in the throes of ecstasy, feels depressed again, and says, "God, Bruce? With André? What _aminals_!"

Rachel looks at him and says, "Yes, what _aminals_."

"Are you _mocking_ me?" Kurt challenges now.

Rachel shakes her head, a small smile on her lips. "No, no. I would never…"

"Yes, you are, Little Miss Perfect with your perfect little career and your perfect little family and your perfect little…"

Presently, another movement from the hallway interrupts them and as the kitchen door opens, he sees Santana, in a black, vintage Metallica tee shirt and boy shorts and a bathrobe hastily thrown over it, yawning and squinting in the fluorescent light, as she takes in the scene in the kitchen.

When she sees that it's Kurt, Santana makes to roll her eyes and says, "Kurt, we've talked about this." When Kurt knits his eyebrows, Santana continues, "For Rachel's sake and for your sake, we agreed you would call before you come barging into our house. At any time of the day or night."

"San, honey," Rachel says, softly, shaking her head.

"Baby, I know our friends are conjugal property now, but…" Santana stops, when Rachel just shakes her head. Then Santana looks at Kurt, tilts her head and asks, "Kurt, are you drunk?"

"If you're here to gloat and mock and insult me, don't," Kurt begins. "I've had a bad day, and I just found my boyfriend in bed with my best friend…well, _ex_-best friend now…so just…give me a break and leave me alone, okay?"

Santana's face changes at this new information and she looks at her wife, then looks at Kurt, and approaches the kitchen counter, face now full of concern as she looks at Kurt and asks, "You okay?"

Kurt shakes his head, fighting the tears that threaten to well up in his eyes. "This is worse than the time I had that colonoscopy you paid for that one time," Kurt tells Santana, groaning, resting his head on his hand.

Santana is quiet for a while, before she says, "Not that I care or anything, but was the guy at least more good-looking than you? Or uglier? Because if he's going to cheat on you, he might as well cheat on you with someone better-looking…"

Kurt lifts his head, looks at Santana, rolls his eyes when Santana grins and asks, "Drink?"

"San!" Rachel says now. "He's been drinking. You can't offer someone who's been drinking more drink!"

Santana grins. "Okay, okay. Sorry." She moves to put her arm on Rachel's waist. Rachel automatically snuggles closer to Santana.

"Although, baby, offering someone a drink when they've been drinking is the best way to avoid a hangover!" Santana comments, grinning.

Rachel glares at Santana. The smile leaves Santana's face.

"Sorry," Santana mutters.

"_Anyway_," Rachel says now, turning to Kurt. "We have a thirteen year old now who has just recently discovered the joys of rebellion, so we don't really keep hard drinks around anyway."

"But in case you're wondering, there's some wine on the top shelf," Santana says, winking.

"San!" Rachel says again.

Santana just grins. "Love you," she says to Rachel now, giving her a big grin and hugging her.

Santana turns to Kurt now. "That should teach you though to base your relationships based on dick sizes," Santana comments now, half-teasingly. "I mean I've noticed how the length, or _girth_, if you will, of who you're currently dating, seems directly proportional to how long your relationship will last. I mean wasn't Bruce your typical well-hung stable boy type of fantasy guy or something?"

Kurt blushes.

"San!" Rachel chides her now, lightly hitting Santana on the arm.

"Sorry…" Santana says now. "Anyway, I'm sorry. Never liked the guy. He was an asshole for cheating on you. He's not worth it. So there."

"You never _met_ the guy," Kurt corrects.

Santana shrugs. "True. But he cheated on you. That's enough reason for me."

Rachel smiles now. Santana grins back and gives her wife a kiss on the lips.

Kurt rolls his eyes again. "Ugh, please don't make out in front of me. That's just going to make me even more depressed. And also," here he turns to Rachel, "_Please_, for the love of god, put something else on will you? Leave something for the imagination, for god's sake!"

Santana laughs. "My wife is hot and she shouldn't leave that to the imagination," she retorts. "I mean have you seen her thighs?" She looks at Rachel now, with that look on her face that Kurt knows is code for something else entirely. "_So_ hot."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Yes, and I'm gay. So I haven't really put much thought on Rachel's thighs."

Santana chuckles before her face softens and she tells Kurt, "You can stay the night if you want. Guest room's always welcome and open for you."

Kurt only smiles. Santana moves to kiss Rachel's cheek before she says, "I've got to get back to sleep." Before she does, she says, "Try…not to cry so loudly. That's going to be a mood killer and then blue balls will ensue, and you wouldn't want me around you when that happens."

"As long as you promise to be quiet," Kurt gamely retorts. Then as what Santana has just said sinks in, Kurt makes a face. "And also, eeeww, Santana, gross. Please go back to sleep."

Rachel blushes. Santana laughs. She leans over to Rachel and whispers something that makes Rachel blush even more. Santana takes off the robe she is wearing now and puts it on Rachel's shoulders, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she does so. Kurt squirms on his seat, looking uncomfortable at being caught in the middle of an intimate moment between the couple.

"And no vocalizing in the freaking morning, Kurt. I mean it," Santana mock threatens now, before she leaves. "Night, you guys."

"Night," the two say back, watching the kitchen door swing behind Santana.

* * *

Kurt talks to Rachel for more than an hour or so before they call it a night, processing, as is they are wont to do, Kurt's day, Kurt's audition ("Their loss, not yours," Rachel says, with a smile), Kurt's talk with his agent ("He just wants what's best for you," Rachel says), Bruce and Andre ("As San said, they're assholes, but if you and Bruce get back together, then I'll take it back," Rachel says), Kurt's feelings, Rachel's feelings about his feelings and ending with Rachel telling him, "I'm sorry…about everything…I don't know what to say to make you feel better, Kurt, but I'm here for you, _we're_ here for you, and everything happens for a reason…and everything works out for the best…"

Kurt looks at Rachel, his oldest friend, looking at him all earnest and sympathetic and it reminds Kurt again, of those early years they had in New York, when they were both broke and hungry and jobless and shivering in the cold and huddling together sometimes, in Rachel's bed, to keep out the cold or just to cry on each other's shoulder because of bad relationships and Kurt doesn't know why, but he feels like crying. So he reaches out instead, for Rachel's hand and pulls her over and hugs her for what seems like ages. Rachel is surprised and speechless at first, before her arms come up and hug Kurt back, rubbing his back soothingly as she does so.

"Everything's going to be okay, okay?" Rachel whispers now.

Kurt pulls back, wipes a tear with his finger, laughs a little, looks at Rachel and says, with a small smirk, "That the best you got?"

Rachel laughs. "Sorry. Used up all my inspirational speeches on my kids," she says apologetically.

Kurt smiles. "Okay. But thanks anyway. I guess you better go back to bed before Santana comes back out and gets mad at me for keeping you away from her."

Rachel chuckles. "She'll understand."

Kurt nods. Of course Santana will understand. Santana can be a lot of things, but Kurt knows Santana will understand. But he shakes his head and says, "I know, but you'd best go back to bed. I've kept you up so late already, and I'm crashing here and I've just laid all my problems on your lap."

Rachel looks at him uncertainly. "You sure?"

Kurt nods again. "Yes. Definitely. I'm going to be okay."

Rachel considers this for a moment before she nods herself and says, "Okay. Let me just clean up a bit and…"

"No, I'll do it…" Kurt says quickly. He doesn't realize it until he does, that he actually wants to be alone now.

"You sure?"

"Yes. And I know where to get the stuff if I need anything so…"

"Okay, you do know where everything is anyway," Rachel says now, as she yawns and quickly covers her mouth with one hand. She gets up now and yawns again as she moves and gives Kurt a hug as she says, "Okay, good night."

"Good night," Kurt says as Rachel hugs her.

Kurt watches as Rachel heads to the kitchen door.

Kurt just sits there for what seems like ages before he realizes he is all alone and the house is deathly, deathly quiet, and it is dark outside, and all he can hear is the ticking of the clock on the counter. He hears the distant roar of an engine, the breeze outside, a faint voice shouting. It is then that he rests his head on his hands and he cries.

* * *

The idea doesn't even suggest itself to Kurt until he's raided the top shelf, taken out the couple bottles of wine Rachel and Santana have and practically guzzled the wine right then and there, on the kitchen sink, as he cries quietly, tears mingling with snot and wine as his shoulders shake and there is this tightness in his chest and the lump is in his throat and he cries some more.

He stumbles through the kitchen, out the hallway and into the downstairs bathroom, rummaging through the cabinets before he takes out the bottles of pills.

He doesn't even read the labels on the bottles, he just takes them out, along with the bottles of wine, one under his arm, one in his hand, as he stumbles up the stairs and into the guest room down the hall.

The house is quiet, deathly quiet, as he stumbles inside the room, aims for the bed, but manages to slide down the side of the bed and onto the floor. He is crying now, crying as quietly as he could, knowing he has made so much noise, and hoping they wouldn't wake up. He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and drinks some more wine before he pops as many pills as he can from the bottles he has taken and drinks them down with the rest of the wine.

He then crawls to the bed, on his hands and knees, before he shifts and flops down on his back, smelling fresh sheets on the bed. He stares up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come. He is drunk and the world is spinning and he feels like throwing up and he has a headache but his sobs quietly die down. There is a moment of clarity that passes through him as he suddenly feels his eyelids droop and he closes his eyes as oblivion claims him.

And then there is nothing.

* * *

_**Author's end notes:**_

_**I tried, I really, really tried, to write another story in another 'verse, but little did I know how hard that was going to be! On the other hand, as it turns out, it was a great break from this 'verse and helped me figure out the kinks of chapter 1 of this story. This is still the same 'verse, but as I mentioned, more Kurt centric, with a side of Pezberry. It's technically taking a break from a Pezberry-centric story, but Pezberry still appears in this story. Maybe a lot. I'm not really a big fan of Kurt these days (I liked him in Season 1, but then after that...gah! This is going back to that Season 1 Kurt that I liked). Plus Kurt is the perfect character for this story I cooked up.**_

_**This 'verse is a fully-realized 'verse that's been obsessively storyboarded, and there are other stories in this 'verse, but I felt this particular story needed to be told. Also, points for you if you get the movie reference/s in this chapter. There is a central theme and premise that will tie this whole Kurt story together and this will be more his journey than anything else. As always, as my beta likes to say, I do like to throw in everything including the kitchen sink in my stories (meaning I like story/genre mash-ups and stuff), and I do more plot and theme-oriented stories than anything, so for those expecting some romance to happen, you may be disappointed as that is not the central point of this story (there might be, but there might not be). I think fan fic is one of the most awesomely post-modern forms of literature that can be way more than pairings and smut, so! If you like that kind of stuff, then you're in the right 'verse!**_

_**Also, let me just take this opportunity to thank everyone again for the favorites and lovely reviews for the story, "The Learning Curve" (especially the last chapter, especially for those who started speaking another language after reading the story, you know who you are haha!) - please know that your reviews really mean a lot and they do power me (and my beta) on. In fact, one of the many reasons I keep writing for this verse is because of some of the reader comments/requests from as far back as "In the Loop" - those readers who wanted to see more of Suzie for example. In fact, there was one last reader comment in "The Learning Curve" that wanted an update from this 'verse about how everyone, including Suzie, is doing, and so this is that. As you can see, I think I am incapable of writing one-shots, because I think in regards to Pezberry and even Kurt, they deserve multi-shots. I don't know how long this story will be, I thought "The Learning Curve" would take all of ten chapters, but that turned out to be thirty! But as I mentioned, this Kurt story is already finished in my head, but as to how that story will pan out, we'll see, as the story might take me in different directions as well.**_

_**I'd like to thank my beta, DragonsWillFly, for going over this. We love our dark comedies! Thanks, beta!**_

_**Again, many thanks for your heartwarming, encouraging reviews on the past stories, especially "The Learning Curve".**_

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing this story kindly as well.**_


	2. With a Little Help from Friends

_**Author's note: Dear readers! Chapter 2 is here. It's not dark anymore. **_**:)**_** Hope you enjoy! Happy reading!**_

* * *

Kurt doesn't immediately realize where he is when his eyes blink open.

At first, he thinks he is in heaven, as his eyes flutter open and there is a fuzzy, white light behind his eyelids and there is a blurry, white figure hovering above him. But as the blurriness clears away and his eyes come to focus, the figure above becomes clearer, and it is Suzie, with her long, dark, blonde hair, blue-green eyes, leaning over and staring curiously at Kurt. The sight of Suzie staring at him shocks the sleepiness and grogginess out of Kurt's eyes and he yelps in surprise, as he tries to jump up and away from Suzie, colliding with Suzie along the way, foreheads connecting with each other's with a loud thump as they fall back on the bed.

"Ow!" they both cry out as they fall back on the bed, their hands coming up to rubs their foreheads.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt manages to say as he sits himself up on the bed.

"Sorry," Suzie says, sheepishly. "But it was after ten and Mee said you were here and they couldn't wait for you so they left and I was all alone and Kate cancelled on me and I got bored so I checked on you."

Kurt stares at her. "Thanks. Great to know I have no privacy here."

Suzie shrugs and grins. "You're welcome." Then she looks at Kurt intently and says, "And also, I was in the bathroom looking for my vitamins and I couldn't find it there, and I saw it here instead…" And here she holds up the small bottle in her hands.

As she looks at Kurt now, Kurt tries to avert his gaze, growing uncomfortable at Suzie's intent gaze. It is quite unnerving, Kurt thinks, how when he looks at Suzie, it is like looking at a young Santana and Brittany all rolled into one. There is no judgment in her eyes, but Kurt can see something else in Suzie's eyes. Kurt can see a hint of disappointment and hurt. Kurt doesn't know why, but it bothers him more than he can ever imagine. He feels the guilt start to gnaw at him. Despite his initial misgivings about his best friend's relationship with Suzie's mother, and despite who and what he is, he has some affection for the young girl and for her to find him like this, fills him with guilt. He has known this child since she was young, especially since Rachel and Santana started dating. She has grown taller, dark blue green almond shaped eyes and long, straight dark blonde hair every bit a reflection of Santana and Brittany's genes. She runs long, tapering tan fingers over her hair now, in a way that reminds him a bit of Santana and he smiles. Those eyes though, those startling eyes, are all Suzie's with a bit of Brittany and Santana in them and are as expressive as anything he has ever seen and he could see a whole range of unsaid emotions there. He tries to avoid her gaze.

They look at each other in silence for a few moments, before Suzie clears her throat and asks, uncertainly, "Uncle Kurt…were you trying to kill yourself last night?"

Kurt is quiet, unable to reply to Suzie. There is an automatic lie, a denial that rolls easily to his lips, but seeing that innocent look on Suzie's face and he stops, loses his nerve and finds himself, instead, shaking his head.

Suzie is quiet, still looking at him, with her intense gaze. "Yeah, you were," she says, matter-of-factly. "I saw the other pill bottles, too, on the floor." When Kurt looks down on the floor, to check on said bottles, Suzie speaks up, "I cleaned the floor up. I've also cleared the bottles away."

When Kurt doesn't say anything, Suzie says, "The other bottles are Mom's and Mee's bottles of vitamins, too. Iron and ascorbic acid."

"Oh, _shit_," Kurt says, sighing, lying back down on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. Then when he realizes his mistake, Kurt looks to Suzie and mumbles, "Sorry."

Suzie shrugs. "It's okay. Look on the bright side, you're, like, the healthiest person in New York. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the words, _'Bit off more than you can chew'_." Suzie grins at Kurt.

Kurt smiles half-heartedly at her, as she slides near Kurt, lies down on the bed next to him, staring up at the ceiling, is quiet for a few minutes before she asks, "Are you okay, Uncle Kurt?"

Kurt is quiet. For a whole, few hours, he has enjoyed a dreamless sleep of oblivion, forgetting about the audition, his general lack of joblessness, his now ex-boyfriend, a whole, miserable life, and now as all of these come back to him, he feels it, the despair, the desperation, the depression and he tries to push it all down. He dry swallows and manages to shake his head. He must look unconvincing because Suzie stares at him, looking unconvinced. She just stares at him for a few moments before she speaks up.

"No, you're not," Suzie finally says matter-of-factly, after a while. "I could hear crying last night. One of the neighbors called earlier and asked whether _Abuela_ had come for a visit or something and if she's okay, because they heard some old lady crying or something. She's kind of popular with the neighbors when she comes for a visit. Makes them _empanadas_ and _foie gras_ sometimes. Mom doesn't like it, but it keeps the noise down. Makes them stop playing loud music all the time. Anyway, I told them it was me and that I just lost Kurt, so. Luckily the parents didn't hear anything, so."

"You lost Kurt? The hamster?" Kurt says now, unable to quell the sudden excitement in his voice.

"No, the pet dinosaur I've been keeping in my room for the past year or so," Suzie says sarcastically. Kurt rolls his eyes as Suzie continues, "Of course, my hamster. I think I texted you about that. I texted everyone about it, but I guess you forgot. Lost him a few weeks ago."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry to hear that," Kurt says, although if truth be told, he really is not.

"No, you're not, I think," Suzie says, with a little smile on her face.

Kurt sighs. "No, I'm not," he admits, feeling guilty. "And my god, you sounded just like your mom that time."

"Which one?" Suzie asks, with a smirk on her face.

"I think all three of them," Kurt says gamely.

Suzie grins inspite of herself. Then a look of concern passes through her. "You sure you okay?"

They are quiet for a few moments before Kurt sighs, nods and says, "The…old lady is okay…For now anyway." They are quiet for a while. Then Kurt speaks up. "Why did Kate cancel?"

Suzie shrugs. "Dunno." She turns to Kurt and says, "Girls, right?"

Kurt turns to look at her. "I wouldn't know."

Suzie sighs as she puts her arms behind her head and stares back up at the ceiling.

Suzie sighs again before she speaks. "Love is a battlefield."

Kurt looks at her from the corner of his eye. "Love is a battlefield?"

"Yes. Pat Benatar said."

Kurt smiles and nods. They are quiet again.

"If you were thinking of killing yourself, Uncle Kurt, there are other _better_, more effective ways to do so," Suzie speaks up now. "Like…jumping off a building. A high building. Like maybe the Empire State."

Kurt is quiet, turns to look at Suzie, who is still staring up the ceiling, before he says, "I'm afraid of heights."

"Or you know, drive a car off the Brooklyn Bridge."

"I can't drive."

"Or jump into the Hudson River and _drown_."

"I can't swim."

Suzie turns her head and looks at him, rolling her eyes. "I think that's kind of the point, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says. "Anyway, you can also slit your wrists, if you want."

Kurt grimaces. "That's going to hurt. And I don't like scars."

"Or shoot yourself in the head with a gun."

Kurt makes a face. The idea of pointing a gun at his head, and the pain of a bullet careening through his brain makes him grimace. "I'm anti-gun and anti-violence," Kurt automatically answers.

Suzie looks at him steadily and says, ever so slightly sarcastically, "Yeah, 'cause drinking a lot of children's vitamins is totally the way to go, right?"

Kurt turns to Suzie now and says, "Alright, alright, I got the message. Not doing it again, okay? My god, you're turning into Santana every day. And also? You're being morbid."

"Well, you're being selfish," Suzie retorts, quite unexpectedly.

Kurt is struck dumb by Suzie's unexpected outburst. He is quiet.

"Mom and I lost Mommy to cancer and I just lost Kurt and you kind of tried to kill yourself in our house, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says simply now, "Granted you tried to kill yourself with children's vitamins, but still…did you even think about how Mom and Mee would feel if you actually succeeded in killing yourself and they found your body here?"

Kurt is silent. It feels like a slap, a sting, hearing this from a thirteen-year-old. He agrees, sometimes, with the general observation, that Suzie seems older than she really is.

Finally, Kurt says, "I'm sorry. I've been having a bad day. What am I saying? I've been having a bad life."

Suzie is silent. "Aw, don't say that. I'm sure you've got a good life. Uncle Kurt, it's going to be better, okay?"

"I'm not sure about that, but thank you."

Suzie is silent for a while before she speaks. "I'm sorry, too," she says now. "Hormones, Uncle Kurt, Mee told me. Ugh. And Kate."

The two lie side by side on the bed staring up at the ceiling, enjoying the companionable silence.

"Why were you trying to kill yourself anyway?" Suzie asks so casually it removes the surrealness that surrounds the aftermath of an embarrassing failed attempted suicide that involved wine and vitamins.

Kurt sighs again. "Failed my last audition. Might lose my job. My boyfriend cheated on me. Well, _ex_-boyfriend now."

"Peter?"

"No."

"Paul?"

"No."

"Mary?"

Kurt looks at her in exasperation. "I'm pretty sure that's a band."

Suzie looks at him and smiles half-apologetically. "Sorry. Just kidding. Anyway, who was it?"

"Bruce." Kurt grimaces at the mention of the name.

Suzie doesn't say anything for a while before she says, "Don't know him. Seems new. Why haven't I met him, Uncle Kurt?"

Suzie, of course, is right. Nobody inside his inner circle has met the new boyfriend. They had been going out a couple of months and Kurt had been planning to break the news when he had found aforementioned Bruce in the arms of supposed best friend André.

"Hey, Uncle Kurt, anything I can do to make you feel better?" Suzie asks now, lifting herself up by the elbows and looking at Kurt. "I mean, he was a bad, bad man for cheating on you, maybe we can beat him up or something."

Kurt looks at her in horror. As much as he thinks this would give him some pleasure, he shakes his head and says, "No."

Suzie looks at him, puzzled. "Why? We could totally get some starter cables and hook them up to a car and hook the other one to his nipples or something. That would be awesome."

"Oh, my god, Suzie, that is horrible!" Kurt says to her now, but briefly imagining the agonized look on Bruce's face makes Kurt smile to himself. "Although I must admit, rather guiltily, that that would so make my day!"

"So let's do it!"

"No!" Kurt says a little too quickly and harshly, before he calms down and says, a bit more calmly, "Suzie, torturing somebody is _bad_, okay? _Bad_."

Suzie looks at him. "In South America and in the Middle East, people torture other people."

Kurt makes a face. "Exactly why we shouldn't do it."

"Aaaw, okay. Just a kick to the nuts then? I mean he was a schmuck for cheating on you."

Kurt smiles. "No."

"Aaw," Suzie says.

They are quiet again. Kurt speaks up. "Please don't tell your parents about this. They'll kill me."

"Oh, I'm not sure about that," Suzie says.

Kurt turns at the tone in her voice that he can't quite recognize. "What?"

"I think you might need some help, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says, sensibly. "Mom and I had to go to a counselor when Mommy passed away…helped us get through a difficult time. Maybe you need to talk to someone or something."

Kurt sighs. He doesn't trust shrinks but he nods anyway. Then he sighs. "Alright, what will it take to make you _not_ tell your parents I just took vitamins to kill myself?"

"You mean _vitamined_ yourself to death?" Suzie smirks now. When Kurt rolls his eyes, Suzie grins. "I don't know. I'd like another hamster."

"And have you name it _Kurt_ again?" Kurt asks her incredulously.

Suzie smiles and speaks in a falsetto voice, mock sadness in her voice, pretending she is talking to her mothers. "Oh, Mom, it was horrible, seeing Uncle Kurt like that, lying lifeless on the bed. I thought he'd died or something. I think I'm going to need some therapy after this. Scarred for _life_, Mom."

"Alright," Kurt says now, annoyed.

"I mean, Mom, he took pills and he thought they were bad pills or something but they turned out to be _vitamins_…" then Suzie breaks off and laughs.

"Alright, _alright_," Kurt says, horror on his face at the thought that Santana will never let him live that down for as long as he lives. "A hamster it is."

Suzie grins as she whoops and dives to Kurt and hugs him. "Awesome! Thanks, Uncle Kurt!"

"You're welcome," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.

Suzie pulls back and says, "And maybe chaperone me and Kate next time we go out or something?"

Kurt looks at her. The thought of chaperoning two teenage girls fills him with dread, but then Suzie makes a sad face and starts to whine, "Mom, _vitamins_…"

"Alright, I'll chaperone you," Kurt says, throwing up his hands in the air before he puts them on his forehead, feeling the onslaught of a headache coming on. "Seriously, you're turning into Santana every day with the brilliant scheming and stuff. Like a bi-racial Eve Harrington or something."

Suzie laughs. "I don't know who that is, but thanks! But I don't think I'm bi-racial, Uncle Kurt. I mean Mommy's Dutch on both sides, but Mom's Latina and African American and there's a bit of Irish there, and the donor's probably multi-racial, too."

Kurt raises his eyebrows. "Oh-_kay_. Speaking of your moms, where are Santana and Rachel anyway?"

"Out with the granddads."

"Who?"

"The gay ones."

"Why aren't you with them?"

"I passed. It's always a little awkward hanging out with the granddads. There's usually a lot of talking and weird food and _boredom_. Usually on my part. And they'll make me eat caviar and escargot and other stuff that I can't pronounce or eat and that's just, like, gross and stuff, so."

Kurt chuckles. He remembers Rachel's parents as fun when he and Finn used to hang out at Rachel's when Finn and Rachel had been dating. Kurt and Finn were still stepbrothers then. Rachel's parents used to regale him with Broadway show tunes and Barbara Streisand songs played expertly on their piano. But then again, Suzie is of a different generation altogether, he thinks. He says, "Yeah, but I remember your mother's parents as fun when I used to go to their house to visit."

"Yeah, okay, maybe…but they're also, like, old…like really _old_," Suzie says, scrunching up her nose to Kurt's amusement. "The parents were supposed to take me out for pizza today, but the granddads made a surprise visit, so. The parents are always busy these days. That's fine, but…" here Suzie shrugs nonchalantly, wistful. "Anyway, Uncle Kurt, I'm kind of hungry. Could you take me out for burgers, maybe, Uncle Kurt, please?"

Kurt is silent for a while. He mentally goes over the money he still has with him, thinks he may still have some cash and of course, there's also his credit cards, so he turns to Suzie and says, "Okay."

"Awesome. You have to text the parents though so they know where we are."

"I don't know what to wear though," Kurt says now.

"Oh, that's okay. I'm sure I can find something for you to wear," Suzie says as she gets up, hops off the bed and goes outside into the hallway.

* * *

Kurt stares at himself at the mirror, complete horror on his face.

"This day could _not_ get any worse," Kurt says now.

Suzie raises an eyebrow, smiles and says, with a mischievous glint in her eye, "You look nice."

"There's no way I'm going out in this," Kurt says now.

"Well, that's the only thing I can find on such short notice," Suzie says. "Take it or leave it Uncle Kurt. It's just Uncle Sam's. He left it last time he dropped by for a visit. He's here all the time. Kind of like you. I don't know why."

"There's no way I'm wearing this," Kurt says. "It's a yellow sweat suit from WalMart."

Suzie rolls her eyes. "Oooh, you want me to throw some glitter on you or something? That would probably totally make this outfit a bit more awesome."

Kurt now frowns at her. "No."

"Okay, suit yourself. Come _on_, Uncle Kurt, I'm so hungry."

Kurt nods but then Kurt's mobile phone rings and it is Joe Maguire, his agent.

* * *

They are in a train, on their way to another side of Brooklyn, following Joe's instructions. Joe had proudly announced that he had snagged some auditions for Kurt and though Kurt had bristled, breaking one of his rules, to never wear an outfit twice, by wearing the suit he had worn yesterday, he agrees to audition. He had showered, slicked his hair back, sporting a clean-shaven look as he sits beside Suzie in the train. It is late morning. The train is not as crowded as he thought it would be, although the few passengers sitting around them are of every face and age imaginable. The lights are flashing inside the train, the platforms wheezing by as they wait for their stop. Suzie sits beside him, eating the hotdog sandwich he had bought for her as a way to cajole her after he found out he had auditions. He had called her parents and they had agreed, seeming grateful that Suzie will be kept busy on a Saturday and won't be alone in the house. Kurt had worked out a schedule where he goes to the auditions with Suzie, then pick up a hamster from an animal shelter, which suits Suzie fine.

"Uncle Kurt," Suzie begins now, as she stares at her sandwich before she takes a bite, chews and talks while her mouth is full. "You're probably the wrong person to ask, but how do you make the first move?"

Kurt stares at her. "Yes, I _am_ the wrong person to ask. Why don't you ask your moms about that or something? I'm sure they'll give you better advice than I ever will. And don't talk with your mouth full."

Suzie swallows, continues, "Sorry. I can't ask Mom or Mee, 'cause asking your parents about stuff like that is like, eeww, totally embarrassing. I mean Mee will probably make a whole speech complete with a PowerPoint presentation or something about the merits of taking it slow and waiting and how true love waits or something. And Mom will be like, totally uncomfortable and will tell me how I should only do that when I'm _married_ or something. I'm weirded out just thinking about it. Anyway, how do you get to first base?"

Despite himself, Kurt grins to himself, remembering how the same Rachel and Santana that Suzie is describing now, used to be the same Rachel and Santana in high school who had figured out first base quite easily without any help from anyone even before they finished junior high or possibly middle school. _My, my, how things change_, he thinks to himself. He says, "Didn't I just tell you I'm the wrong person to ask? Also, is it Kate? Because if it is, I thought you already moved past first base like ages ago."

"Yes, it's Kate, Uncle Kurt and no, not really. We kind of just hang out and watch TV or listen to music or play video games and stuff… like a _lot_. I mean, whenever we go out, the parents have to be there. I can't even get my mack on," Suzie says. "And come on, Uncle Kurt. You've had relationships before, haven't you?"

Kurt smiles._ Persistent little Brittany-Santana-Rachel spawn_, he thinks to himself now. Kurt thinks this is almost as bad as that one time Brittany followed him around, wanting to be his campaign manager for his high school senior class president campaign and presenting him with her poster designs where he was riding unicorns and unicorns were riding him, and almost as bad as those random times when Brittany spouted such wisdom as zebras being former unicorns when their horns fall off.

He looks at Suzie now, trying to think of an appropriate response, but finding he cannot find anything that wouldn't be remotely considered weird, so he sighs. "Ugh, I don't think I can. All I can think of is you when you were little or something and it's weirding me out that you're old enough to want to know how to get to first base. It's just…weird." Kurt makes a face. "Plus…you're thirteen, why the rush to know about first base? Hold on to thirteen while you still can. That's like the best age _ever_." Then something that Coach Sue once told him sophomore year high school comes to him and he says it now. "And how sure are you that you're really gay anyway? You haven't been with anyone else."

Suzie shrugs and sighs. "I don't know. But I feel like I just know, you know?" she tells Kurt now. Kurt nods. He knows the feeling.

"And anyway, I'm thirteen and a half, Uncle Kurt," Suzie corrects him before she licks the mustard off the side of her hotdog. "And it's _not_ the best age _ever_ and you know it. It's not like I could actually _do_ anything cool. I can't legally drink or drive yet. And I'm pretty sure as long as I live at home, Mom and Mee will make sure I drink or drive at, like, _thirty_ or something." She sighs a deep sigh.

Kurt laughs. "Yes, that sounds like your parents, alright. But I'm totally the wrong person to ask, sweetie. It's not like I have a good track record when it comes to relationships."

Kurt hears the voice from the train announce that they are nearing Kurt and Suzie's stop, so Kurt edges to the edge of the seat, looking out of the window to see the signs on the platform. Suzie follows his gaze, taking a bite of her sandwich and chewing as she does so. She then swallows and speaks.

"Yeah, why is that? Got no game, Uncle Kurt?"

"Hey! I'll have you know, I do too have game!" Kurt says, looking hurt and offended that Suzie would say it and say it so casually. But then he gives up and says, "Who am I kidding? I don't have game. I can't even get jobs."

"Should've gone out with Uncle Sam, Uncle Kurt."

"I've said it before, I'll say it again. Uncle Sam is straight and I don't think we'll mesh well together."

"What does that mean?"

"We don't go together."

Suzie looks at him quizzically. "Why?"

"Oh, if I told you why, we'll be here 'til you get married and have grandkids of your own," Kurt says with a smile.

Suzie seems to consider this before she decides to go to another related subject. "Anyway, why don't you have a boyfriend, Uncle Kurt?" Suzie says. When Kurt says nothing and only shrugs, Suzie scrunches up her face thoughtfully before she fixes her gaze on him and declares, matter-of-factly, "I just think you're too picky, Uncle Kurt."

"I am _not_," Kurt denies, indignantly.

"Yeah, you are," Suzie insists. "I think you are. Remember when you made fun of that guy you dated who laugh-farted? And that guy who calculated how much salad you had so you could pay equally? And you made fun of that guy who loved 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades of Grey'? And that Russian guy who was as stiff as a board but wanted to be a dancer or something and got all the words wrong and stuff? You made fun of the fact that he's worked as a doll for a living or something. I mean you're kind of picky and you're kind of a snob. Kind of like Mee before she started going out with Mom."

"Alright, alright," Kurt says, "I get it."

"And I've never seen you with the same guy twice," Suzie points out now. "You kind of change boyfriends and stuff like you change underwear. And you've never been kind of single, like really single? For longer than a month or something. I think you like dating guys and stuff, but you don't really want to _have_ a relationship or something."

Kurt pauses, thinks about it and sighs. "I do, too," he insists, half-heartedly.

Suzie grins. "Heck, yeah, I think you don't," Suzie says, confidently. "I bet you can't even stay, like unattached or single, like with no boyfriend or whatever, for a _month_ or something."

"Are you betting I can't swear off being with anyone for a long period of time?"

Suzie grins. "Yes."

Kurt looks at her. "I think you're developing a gambling problem."

Suzie chuckles. "No, I'm not. Trust me. If I did, Mom and Mee would never let me see the light of day. They'd kill me faster than you can say gambling problem," she says. Kurt realizes this is true. Suzie tilts her head now and says, "I'm just wondering whether you can be alone for, like, a longer period of time or something. Mom says you _cannot_ be alone. You've never _been_ alone. That's one of the reasons I kind of stayed at home, to make sure you're okay."

And the cat's out of the bag, Kurt thinks, realizing the reason why Suzie had actually stayed behind.

When Suzie realizes her mistake, she says, "I mean, well, Kate _was_ supposed to come, to keep us company, but, she cancelled so."

Kurt sighed. "Fine, I bet you I do too can stay alone for an extended period of time."

"Okay then. Forty days."

"What?" Kurt asks, puzzled.

"Forty days and forty nights. You know, like the Jewish people when they wandered the desert for forty days and forty nights after they disobeyed God," Suzie says, grinning. "No boyfriends or whatever for forty days and forty nights. And that means no sex, Uncle Kurt. Of _any_ kind." Suzie smirks at her last statement.

Kurt blushes. "You're on," Kurt quickly says, getting up as the train stops at their stop and he motions for Suzie to follow him as the doors slide open, before realizing what he had just agreed to and then quickly saying, "No, wait."

As they step out of the train and onto the platform, Kurt says, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Afraid you're going to lose, Uncle Kurt?" Suzie says now, wriggling her eyebrows with a mischievous smile on her lips and glint in her eye. "You chicken?"

Kurt looks at her and thinks to himself, dammit, every bit as sneaky as _all_ of her mothers, "What have I gotten myself into?"

Suzie grins. "You take me out for pizza and stuff if you lose, okay? If I lose, then we have to think of something age appropriate 'cause I don't have money and stuff, so."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Fine."

"And what do you mean you can't get jobs?" Suzie asks now, as they make their way out of the station and out onto Brooklyn's Silverpoint Studios. Luckily, the auditions were going to be held around the area, making it convenient for both of them.

"I mean, I can't get jobs. Apparently no one will work with me."

"Aww, Uncle Kurt, I think you're awesome. Maybe. A little whiny. But awesome nonetheless. Maybe." Suzie says this with a smirk on her face.

Kurt stares at Suzie. "Seriously, you're turning more and more into Santana every day."

As they see the large sign in the distance that says "Silverpoint Studios" over a massive, square building that probably used to be an old factory reclaimed to be a massive sound studio, with surrounding areas as offices and shops for props and costumes and the like, Suzie scrunches up her nose and declares, "This place smells like pee."

Kurt looks at her and says, matter-of-factly, "Sweetie, the whole city of New York smells like piss."

"Good point," Suzie concedes before she stops, and as they both look up at the building, she randomly asks, "Do you think I should go and date boys, Uncle Kurt? Just to make sure I'm gay?"

"What? No," Kurt says, looking at her, making a face. "I mean, if you want to, that's okay, but you shouldn't do it because I said so. Do what you feel is right."

Suzie nods as she walks beside him and asks, by way of changing of the subject, "Why can't you get jobs?"

"I don't know. Too young? Too old? Too gay? Too white?"

Suzie looks him over. "You are kind of too white."

Kurt frowns at her. "You're not helping."

Suzie grins. "Sorry."

They are quiet again. Finally, Kurt says, "Being a grown-up is hard."

"Being a kid is harder."

"You have a point."

They are quiet again. Kurt draws a deep breath and swallows. "Wish me luck."

Suzie grins. "Luck!"

* * *

The first audition that he goes to, Kurt is asked to gyrate to Hot Chocolate's "You Sexy Thing". Kurt tries to shimmy, which is the only kind of dancing he actually knows to do, according to Mike anyway, putting his hands up and shaking his butt to the impassive people consisting of two men, one bespectacled, one balding and an indifferent lady making indifferent doodles on her notepad. It is when they ask him to remove his clothes that he leaves the mostly empty office in a huff, immediately punching Joe's number and finding the line busy.

The second audition is not an audition at all, but a job interview for a job as a mouse mascot over at Times Square and though he already knows the minute the guy with the tight, short-sleeved white shirt and tie points to the gray mouse costume hanging on a rack behind him that he doesn't want the job. He steps out of the office, punching Joe's number on speed dial but finding the line busy again.

The third one, Kurt is surprised to know, is an audition yet again, for "True Delights", the television show he had auditioned for more than a year ago. He doesn't even have the time to read the script when he is shown the small space for the audition, where he finds three people behind a long table with clipboards and pictures and folders in front of them. They are introduced as Michael James, Irene Keener and Bryan Cameron. Kurt moves to shake their hands but they wave to him and say that he is not right for that part even before he can open his mouth.

When he comes out of the office from the last audition, he suddenly hears a voice calling from behind. "Kurt? Kurt Hummel?"

When he turns around he sees a familiar face, a face from high school.

"Hey, hi," the tall man says, smiling. He is a few inches taller than Kurt, an expensive looking suit hanging from his broad shoulders, face as chubby and round as it was in high school, but every bit as fit and as muscular as he was when he was playing football at McKinley. When Kurt does not respond and just stares at him open-mouthed, the man's smile disappears, and he looks sheepish, a bit awkward and embarrassed, as he hesitates before he says, "It's me, Dave, David Karofsky. You probably don't remember me, but we went to McKinley together. In Lima. Ohio." The man smiles uncertainly now and says, in a lower, more embarrassed, apologetic voice, "I kind of made your life a living hell in high school. How you doing?"

As Kurt stares at him, he struggles to stop the first thing that comes to him, which is to make a disgusted face, toss his head up and walk out of there, because not only is this the nth Lima, Ohio person that reminds him of what his life was before New York, but because of course he remembers Dave Karofsky. How could he forget Dave Karofsky? Football jock and high school closet case, used to push him against lockers most of his high school life, forced him against the lockers one day and kissed him, the reason why he transferred to Dalton for a few months… This and for many other reasons, Kurt remembers Dave Karofsky. He wants the man to squirm a bit more though, feel awkward and more embarrassed as he stands there looking all foolish as Kurt registers no recognition in his eyes.

When he thinks Dave Karofsky has had enough, Kurt feigns recognition and says, "Oh, yes, Dave Karofsky, McKinley, Lima…how are you?"

Kurt could see the relief in Dave's eyes as he nods, and swallows and smiles when Kurt says this.

"Wow, Kurt Hummel, small world," Dave says as he steps forward to offer a hand that Kurt refuses to take. Dave pulls back his hand and puts them in his pocket. "You're like the second person from Ohio I've seen here. I just saw Jesse St. James in wardrobe like, the other day or something."

Kurt raises an eyebrow and says, "Yes, small world indeed," noting that of course, there is Jesse St. James and Sebastian Smythe and Dave freaking Karofsky as well. He sighs inaudibly and says, "Fancy seeing you here. Haven't seen you since you since, er, high school…" He fumbles and stops because that reminds him that Dave Karofsky had tried to commit suicide in high school. He is pretty hazy about the details now but it involved hanging himself with his belt in his room, having his father find him just in time, being in the hospital for a few days, and quietly disappearing from Lima, Ohio, never to be heard from again. Remembering Dave's attempted suicide reminds him of his own suicide attempt and he now recoils, feeling equal parts disgusted and ashamed and embarrassed that he had even thought of committing suicide with no second thought.

Dave must have seen Kurt's expression and misunderstands it, because there is a confused look to his face, and a hesitant tone in his voice, as he nods and says, "Yeah. Kind of moved to California after…well, everything… so."

Kurt doesn't want to prolong the awkwardness and the embarrassment any longer so he says, with some hint of finality, "That's great. Look, I have to…"

"What are you doing here? You here to audition?" Dave asks curiously at the same time.

"Um, yeah, sort of," Kurt answers, blushing. "You?"

"I work for the guy who produces the show, True Delights, maybe you've heard of it?" Dave says, hopefully. "I mean the office is in California, but I sometimes get called here and stuff."

Kurt raises an eyebrow, because of course Dave works in television. "Um, yes, I have. Look I really have to go…"

"Oh, yeah, of course," Dave says, as he steps aside to let Kurt pass. "Sorry." As he watches Kurt walk past, he says, "Hey, Kurt, it was nice seeing you. Hope we could go have some coffee sometime."

Kurt looks back and smiles thinly. "Yeah, sure, whatever." _Not_, he tells himself, as he heads for the exit.

* * *

Suzie is waiting for him outside, leaning against the wall, clutching a piece of paper in her hand.

"How did it go?" she asks.

Kurt looks at her and shakes his head, and starts to walk down the street, wanting to be as far away from the building as fast as he can, as soon as he can.

Suzie is silent as she joins him. "You know what'll make you feel even better?"

"What?"

"Retail therapy!"

* * *

A few minutes later, they are at the local mall and Kurt is trying on some clothes at the department store.

"Hey, Uncle Kurt, have you ever thought about contributing to the world?" Suzie asks as she sits on one of the leather couches and watches Kurt try on a shirt.

Kurt looks at himself in the mirror and frowns. "If you're going to say sterilization like you did last time, no." He twirls once to see how he looks in the mauve shirt.

Suzie grins. "Not like that. Have you ever considered donating sperm?"

"What?"

"Mom and Mee have decided to have a baby and it would be cool if it's from someone we knew."

Kurt nods absently. "I'm honored but…" Here he motions to a passing clerk and asks, "This is nice, but do you have this in taupe or something?" The clerk nods and takes the shirt from him so he turns to Suzie while he waits for his shirt.

"Especially since I don't think Aunt Quinn will say yes. And it would be weird if it were Uncle Mike because none of us are Asian…And there's no way Mom's ever going to let Uncle Sam donate, even if he volunteered."

As what Suzie says dawns on him, Kurt frowns some more. "So, I was like your last choice?" he asks, putting his hands on his waist, arms akimbo.

Suzie smiles sheepishly. "Well, there was Aunt Mercedes' husband, but I'm guessing Aunt Mercedes is going to roll her eyes and say, 'Hell, to the no!' I think it would be cool if it's someone we know. Mom doesn't think it matters, but I think it would be nice. I mean, at some point, I'd like to know who my father is."

"Sweetie, a sperm donor does not a father make."

"Yeah, but I think sometimes you need to know where you come from, to know where you're going."

Kurt sighs. To know where you're going, you have to know where you come from. For some strange reason, that depresses Kurt. "Ugh, I'm a failure."

"Uncle Kurt, the absence of failure is the worst thing of all," Suzie says now, enigmatically as she sits back on the couch. "Mommy Britt used to say."

Kurt looks at her. Sometimes, Kurt is struck by how different Suzie is from other kids her age. He smiles now."How is it you remember so much about things your Mommy Britt used to say?"

Suzie shrugs and runs a hand on her blonde hair. "She left me her books, and letters, and some videos, and voice recordings and she made a couple of scrapbooks for me…in crayon…" she says, matter-of-factly. "And she had those stuff on the net, like 'Fondue for Two' and stuff. My favorite though is the mix of songs she made for me. I love 'On Top of Spaghetti' and 'Purple People Eater' and 'Disco Duck'."

"Oh, god, you haven't seen 'Two Girls, One Cat', have you?" Kurt asks in horror, thinking about the video that preceded Brittany's plan to get her then girlfriend, Santana, to a university in Kentucky and a cheerleading scholarship.

"What's 'Two Girls, One Cat'?" Suzie asks now, curiously.

When Kurt realizes his error, he almost kicks himself, although he is relieved, somewhat, that Brittany and Santana's daughter is spared her parents' high school antics. "Err, nothing. Just one of these projects that your Mommy Britt had that involved cats and stuff. You know how she loved her cats."

"That's true," Suzie says.

Kurt smiles.

"Anyway, here," she says, shoving the piece of paper in front of him.

He smooths the paper open and sees that it is a casting call for "True Delights", except it's a casting call for female actors. Attached to it is part of the script for the audition.

"What's this?" Kurt asks.

"Your audition, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says, grinning.

"They're looking for women, Suzie," Kurt says.

"What, you don't think you can pull it off?"

"That's called fraud, Suzie."

"It's called acting, Uncle Kurt."

Kurt asks, "You don't think I'm a good actor?"

Suzie says, "Um…I'm sure you are…although Mee is a pretty awesome actor, so!"

"Ugh, I can't believe you went there," Kurt says, annoyed at her.

"Sorry," Suzie says grinning.

"And I _am_ a good actor. I just can't keep getting good parts."

Suzie grins. "Sure you are."

Kurt rolls his eyes. Nothing like a thirteen and a half-year old girl to take him down a notch sometimes. He looks at the script and the poster in his hand, looking up at Suzie after. "I can't do this."

"Sure you can," Suzie says as she gets up off the couch and comes up to Kurt. "You just need to look into the inner truth of the character. I read the script and it's kind of so-so-ish, but it could be fun."

Kurt rolls his eyes at how Suzie has just sounded like Rachel just then.

"It's not that hard to pull off being a woman, Uncle Kurt," Suzie points out now. Then she ticks off the reasons one by one on her fingers as she says, "You have a high voice, and you're probably more feminine than my two moms combined. Plus, I'm pretty sure most of your friends are either gay or female. I mean you've been best friends with one of my moms since forever and so by extension, you're also best friends with my other mom. So that means you've had enough time to master the fine art of being a woman." When Kurt doesn't say anything, Suzie says, "I think we should totally go to the women's section now."

* * *

A couple of hours later, in which Suzie stares down a more than curious salesclerk who is staring at both of them as Kurt tries on wigs, blouses, skirts, dresses, high-heeled shoes, make-up, pantyhose, frocks, cardigans and she tells the lady, "We're celebrating. She's having her male-to-female sex change operation tomorrow. Saying goodbye to his weenie tomorrow."

Kurt blushes but the lady leaves them alone after that.

Finally, after trying out a few outfits, they decide on one that effectively makes Kurt more of a lady than a "dude dressed as a girl", as Suzie describes it.

"I look like a fairy," Kurt whines, looking at his long, white, printed flowery dress, and the auburn wig on his head, and the loads of make-up on his face. He has an uncontrollable urge to scratch his ass where his underwear has ridden up. His heels are killing him. He takes another look at the full-length mirror in front of him and decides that he looks...almost hideous as a woman. He thinks he should have called his friends Felicia and Pepper, but he thinks it is too late now.

Suzie giggles, making Kurt glare at her. The glare though doesn't work.

Suzie stops laughing long enough to ask, "Wait, what's going to be your name?"

"I don't know, I'll think of something," Kurt says, as he stares at himself in the mirror. "Kim? Cosette? Eponine? Fantine? Christine? Janet? Liesel? Maria? Magdalene? Oh, god, the possibilities are endless!"

Suzie rolls her eyes. "Uncle Kurt, we should probably give you a name that's…" Suzie stops to think of the word.

"Easy to remember?" Kurt supplies.

Suzie shakes her head. "That's not as gay as all those names you just mentioned. You're trying to pull off being a woman, Uncle Kurt, not pull off being a drag queen or being a gay man," she says, matter-of-factly. "Let's see," she says, looking at Kurt now. "Your name's Kurt…so maybe something like Kirsten or whatever, because it's closer to Kurt. And maybe your family name could be something like Hall, 'cause that's closer to Hummel. And also 'cause I know you and Mee love Annie Hall."

"Kirsten Hall," Kurt says, trying out his new name for size. "I like it."

Suzie grins. "What can I say? I'm a genius," she says.

* * *

Later, they find themselves back at Silverpoint Studios again. It is late in the afternoon and it's less crowded than before.

Before Kurt enters the building, Kurt stops her, draws a deep breath and nervously asks, "Wait, does this dress make me look fat?"

Suzie stops, looks him over, tilts her head and shakes her head, saying, "No, but the lipstick does. You might want to take it down a notch or something." She fishes out some tissues and hand them to him.

Kurt stares at her, not taking the tissues because it suddenly dawns on him that he is actually pretending to be a woman, and is wearing a flowery print dress, and is hidden under tons of heavy foundation and make-up, attempting to audition as a woman. He must be really desperate if he actually let a thirteen year old talk him into this. He already knows there are so many ways in which this could go wrong, not to mention the added humiliation and embarrassment and the fact that he may be banned for life from Hollywood and show business in general for pretending to be something he is not. He takes a deep breath and declares, "I don't think I can do this."

Suzie stares at him, disbelief in her eyes. "Uncle Kurt! Are you backing out? Are you chickening out?"

Kurt shakes his head, but he feels his heart beat fast and he can feel the beginnings of a mild panic attack slowly take control of him. He takes a step back and says it again, "I don't think I can do this."

Suzie sighs and says, evenly and calmly and soothingly, "Uncle Kurt, you can do this, okay? I mean if Wesley Snipes and Patrick Swayze can pull off playing women, so can you!"

Kurt stares at her now. "Wesley Snipes? Patrick Swayze?" he asks, blankly.

Suzie grins. "'To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar'," she says. "Uncle Kurt, if you're going to be gay, you simply must know who those people are and that movie!"

Kurt rolls his eyes. "I know that movie. I'm mostly just surprised you know about it. Do those parental controls even work?"

Suzie smiles. "Mom and Mee like to think so. I guess they do. For the most part."

Kurt laughs, feeling a bit of the tension ease. What the hell, he thinks to himself, he's jobless and loveless and in the pit of despair so he has nothing to lose if he tries this just this once.

Suzie looks at him now with much earnestness in her dark blue green eyes. "Uncle Kurt, go on. Find your inner truth. Acting is just reacting, okay? You can do this. Now get in there and nail that audition!"

* * *

Kurt almost does not get the audition though. As he stands inside a small office, inside the studio, the director-writer-producer of True Delights, Bryan Cameron, takes one look at Kurt and says, "I'm sorry, you're not right for the part."

Kurt says, "Mr. Cameron, why am I not right for that part?"

"Umm, we decided to go in another direction," Bryan Cameron says, indifferently, not even bothering to look up at Kurt now.

"But you wanted a fairy, right?" Kurt asks now.

Bryan Cameron looks up at him now, annoyed and asks, "Are you deaf or something, lady? You're not right for the part. Now leave before I call security." Before he walks off in a huff, he says, "Stupid hillbilly bimbo."

Kurt unfortunately hears the last part and he feels himself blush and before he can stop himself he finds himself calling Bryan Cameron back and as the man turns around, impatient and now visibly annoyed, Kurt demands, "Why am I not right for the part? Did you want some fairy with big tits and a big ass and collagen-injected bee-stung lips and good bone structure and face so botoxed the only emotion they can convey is constipation just to prove some idiotic point about how beauty trumps power or brains or something? Well, screw you!"

Then he looks at the other producer, Irene Keener, and says, before stalking off, "And that goes for you, too."

* * *

As Kurt makes his way out of the set and into the hallway, still seething at how Bryan Cameron had not even taken a second look at him and dismissed Kurt like yesterday's fashion trend. If he hadn't been trying to be poised and cultured and trying to be better than the other man, Kurt would have wanted to kick him in the balls, Santana Lopez style, but he thinks maybe Santana would probably do a better job than Kurt ever would. He sighs, trying to calm himself as the anger and the anxiety and frustration and panic threatens to overwhelm him. Suddenly he hears a voice call him from behind and he turns and sees the other producer, Irene Keener, cigarette in one hand, approaching him, an interested smile on her face.

Irene comes up to him now and says, with the smile on her face, "Excuse me, was that act for real or were you auditioning for the part?"

Kurt says, without missing a beat, "Which one will get me a reading?"

Irene smiles. "Good for you." She then motions for Kurt to follow her. "Follow me."

* * *

Kurt follows Irene back to the studio and Irene leads him to another side of the studio and he is surprised by the sudden glare of lights, the general electric busyness of the set, everyone going around with clipboards, headsets, walkie talkies, mobile phones, laptops, iPads, sets being moved and replaced, cameras being tinkered and moved to and fro. The set is full of activity and Kurt has this strange feeling that he is way in over his head. "I'll tell you when you are way in over your head, Uncle Kurt," Suzie had informed him, but he thinks he'll do it himself now. I am way in over my head, he tells himself again.

"What's your name?" Irene Keener asks, smiling that detached smile people in showbusiness do, a conciliatory, affable, but nonetheless detached smile that seeks to indicate friendly professionalism, nothing more, no dinner or hanging out over the weekend playing golf or perhaps a party after a particularly grueling day.

"Ku-_ursten_," Kurt says, correcting himself before he says his real name. "Kirsten Hall."

"Kirsten Hall," Irene Keener repeats, looking already distracted as she nods to some people, indicates with a wave of a hand, a commanding instruction here and there, what she wants. She tells Kurt that they will have a camera test for him now. Kurt nods. "Who's your agent?" she asks now.

"Joe," Kurt says. "Joe Maguire."

Irene nods, motions to her assistant, who writes it down on her clipboard.

"Ms. Keener, I'd like to thank you for giving me this chance," Kurt says now to the distracted producer. "No director has ever communicated a role to me so fast."

Irene Keener smiles her detached smile. "Call me Irene," she says, "And don't thank me yet."

When Kurt turns around with script in hand, he collides with someone and the pieces of paper fly in all directions.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the voice says apologetically as he bends down at about the same time that Kurt does.

There is something familiar with the voice, and Kurt looks up and sees that it is Dave Karofsky. Again. God, this is a nightmare, Kurt tells himself.

Kurt clears his throat and raises his voice a little higher and almost squawks. "It's okay."

Dave only nods as he gathers the papers in his large, long, smooth hands and hands the papers to Kurt. Kurt reaches out his hands nervously and his hands briefly brush Dave's and he notices how clean and tidy Dave's fingers are. His hands are so close that Kurt can actually see the half moons on his fingernails. _What are you doing?_ Kurt tells himself, almost kicking himself for being distracted by someone's fingers. _Focus, focus,_ he tells himself, _this guy bullied you in high school, why are you checking out his fingers?_ Kurt stands up, clutching the papers to his chest.

"Thank you," he croaks out at Dave who has now stood up at about the same time Kurt has. And because Dave seems to have shown no indication of leaving, Kurt says, "I'm so nervous." He looks down at the papers and finds that they are not even in the right order. "I think this isn't in the right order."

Dave nods, leans over and whispers, "That's okay. They won't even know the difference." And suddenly Dave smiles at Kurt. Really smiles at Kurt in a way that the man has not when they were in high school, a genuine, encouraging, wide smile that surprises Kurt into momentary speechlessness. It is not the leering smile that Dave usually wore whenever he was with his fellow high school jock friends, trying to fit in and make them believe he was as straight as they were or the pained, angsty, tortured smile that he wore when he finally admitted he was gay and came out, or the brave smile he wore when he had been rejected by people when he had been accidentally outed that Valentine's Day in Breadstix when some of his schoolmates had seen him with Kurt . The smile he has now is the smile of someone who had been through a lot and lived to tell the tale, the smile of someone who knew everything is going to be alright and wanted to share that knowledge with everyone else. Kurt is struck by this, as Dave walks away and the lights and camera turn to Kurt.

Before Kurt knows it, he is having his audition, with one of the assistant directors reading with him. He would have been okay, except suddenly, from behind the same assistant director, Jane, Dave Karofsky appears and Kurt doesn't know why, but his nervousness and anxiety suddenly increase and he falters, wants to step back, turn around and run out of that set like his life depended on it, but as he has had a surreal day that has included three horrific auditions he never wants to tell anyone ever again, he stays rooted to the spot. He swallows though, and feels his heart beat faster against his chest, the anxiety churning down in his stomach. He's going to be found out, he thinks to himself. Dave is going to find out Kirsten is Kurt and he will be done for. Dave, though, doesn't seem to have no such idea in his head though, and in fact, just smiles encouragingly at Kurt/Kirsten as he watches him do his reading in the middle of the set.

"Ms. Carey Houston, I know the kind of woman you are, ancient, powerful, respected. You think just because you are all these things, you don't need a man in your life. You think having a man limits you, you think it makes you weak, you don't want to be defined by a man, you think you can live through life being old and alone…But I think all that power has sapped the feminine out of you, has taken away all the woman out of you…well, if you give me a chance, I'll make a woman out of you…" the lady reads monotonously, emotionlessly from the script she has on her clipboard.

_What is this crap?_ Kurt asks himself now as he glances at the script in his shaking hands. Was he actually a fan of this show once upon a time? He asks himself this as he struggles with the words. Bad enough he has to dress like a lady and read a script as bad as this, but he has to do it in front of somebody, Dave Karofsky, who, granted doesn't know Kirsten and Kurt are one and the same person, but still, this is humiliating for him. And though his first instinct is to probably kick the writer in the balls for such asinine, sexist lines, he had not realized women's roles could be as horrible as this seeing as he's never had to play a woman before, he remembers he has to read the lines, so he looks up now and looking at Jane, Dave and all the others staring at him, waiting for him to go on with the lines, he takes a deep, nervous breath and makes a split second decision.

He shoves down the nervousness in his stomach,throws the script down on the floor, surprising everyone, dons an angry face, and takes a step forward, putting his hands on his waist and arms akimbo, he approaches the assistant director, and says, evenly, "And I can, with a flick of a finger, make mincemeat of you if you don't shut up and listen to me. You have until sundown to leave Misty Temps or so help me god I'll send you to a henceforth unknown dimension where luxury items such as diet coke and toilet paper will be as a distant dream." Then Kurt stops, puts a hand on his chest, seems overwhelmed by emotion before he continues, "And before this day ends, I shall inform the Council of Elders that you be turned out into the street, stripped of your powers, and be punished for your crimes. And how dare you insinuate that I need a man to define who I am…Now leave…"

Kurt's heart is beating fast now, and his breathing has turned shallow. Meanwhile, Jane is staring at him, open-mouthed, not knowing what to say. "I said, _leave!_ _Now!_"

Silence greets this sudden, improv moment that Kurt has and people don't seem to know what to make of what Kurt has just done, but Kurt can sense that there is a confused mix of impressed and amazed and shocked emanating from the people around him.

Presently, Irene Keener and Bryan Cameron, along with Michael James, the other co-producer, suddenly materialize from behind the cameras, looking at Kurt as he stands squinting in the harsh glare of studio lights. They lean towards each other, conferring with each other in whispers and nods. Bryan Cameron and Michael James both shake their heads, unsure, gesturing towards him (_You bastards_, Kurt thinks to himself, thinking how rude they are, _I'm right freaking here!_) but Irene Keener leans back, head tilted up, crosses her arms in front of her, and seems to be insisting on something. Kurt could barely hear the words, "No", "No fucking way", "There's something about him", "He's still not right for the part", "He's not what we're looking for", "Don't care" but he can sense already that Bryan Cameron doesn't like him and by extension, Michael James. Irene Keener seems to like Kurt though and seems hell-bent on getting her way and letting Kurt work for True Delights.

Finally, after much arguing, the two, white men ("Surprise, surprise," Kurt thinks to himself, "Sexist homophobes!") relent and all three turn to Kurt and Irene speaks up. "Alright, Ms. Hall, we're sending the contract over to Joe today. Welcome to True Delights!"

It is when Kurt breathes a sigh of relief does he realize that he has stopped breathing after the three producers had appeared in front of him.

* * *

Suzie is leaning back on the brick wall of the building of SilverPoint Studios when Kurt comes out, all smiles and excitement. Suzie smiles back when she sees him, jams her fists in her pocket and ambles over to him.

"Well, how did it go?" Suzie demands, shivering a little in the cold autumn breeze.

"Great!" Kurt says, unable to contain his excitement. "I got the part!"

Suzie squeals in delight. "Awesome!" she says. "We should totally celebrate or something!"

Kurt grins but then his smile drops as he says, "You can't tell your parents, you know that right?"

Suzie rolls her eyes. "Of course not! You know Mom and Mee will probably ground me til I get grandkids of my own, right? If they ever find out this was our idea?"

Kurt considers this. "Good point," Kurt says. "So where to now?"

"Home, I guess," Suzie says, scuffing the pavement with the point of her shoe.

The door of the building opens again and they both look up and Kurt sees that it is Dave Karofsky, with some of the other SilverPoint Studios execs. He is laughing and joking with the others and Kurt finds it strange to see Dave in a place other than McKinley or Lima, Ohio. Dave spots Kurt and Suzie at about the same time that they do, and Dave smiles, leans to tell the others something, and before Kurt knows it, Dave is sauntering over to them.

"Hey," Dave says now. "Great audition! Congrats!"

Kurt clears his throat. "Uh, thanks."

Dave grins, but then they all stand there looking at each other awkwardly, so Dave clears his throat and says, "Well, I guess I have to go now, work and all that. But anyway, welcome to SilverPoint, Miss…"

"Hall," Kurt says, quickly, "Kirsten Hall."

"Miss Hall," Dave says, grinning some more.

Before Dave could leave though, Suzie speaks up, addressing him. "Are you an actor?"

Dave looks at Suzie now, as if he has just noticed the presence of the girl standing beside Kurt.

"Uh, no," Dave says now, smiling at her.

"Aw, that's too bad," Suzie says now, innocent look on his face, "'Cause you look cute."

The compliment takes Dave aback and he stands there, speechless, as Suzie continues, "I mean, TV star cute."

_Oh, my god, shut up, Suzie_, Kurt says with his mind, but Suzie doesn't, oblivious, and Suzie asks Dave, instead, "Are you single?"

"Umm…" Dave says, nervously, looking around uncertainly, then back to his colleagues waiting for him by the parking lot.

"'Cause if you are, my aunt's single, too," Suzie says now, indicating Kurt.

Kurt did not think it possible, but his face, hidden under the tons of foundation and make-up that they had put on at the department store to hide what facial hair he has, burns with the kind of heat never before felt probably in the history of blushing. His face is so hot he could swear it is singlehandedly melting all that foundation on his face. Kurt curses Suzie's genetic legacy that would include Santana, Brittany and to some extent, Rachel's, for this embarrassment and humiliation that he is feeling now.

Kurt recovers enough, though to clear his voice and says, "Um, sweetie, I'm sure he's already married and stuff…" Then he turns to Dave and says, "I'm so sorry. She's usually more behaved than this."

Suzie grins at Kurt, then turns to Dave anew. "Sorry, mister, I guess I'm under…_medication?_ Or something."

Kurt rolls his eyes as Dave, who is blushing furiously as well, laughs out loud.

Dave manages to smile and says, "Um, it's fine, it's fine. Haven't had someone's daughter fix me up a date with their mother before." Then he looks a bit intently at Suzie now and says, thoughtfully, "Although you kind of look a bit familiar, like I've seen you before or something."

Suzie just grins and shrugs. "I get that a lot."

Kurt looks at Dave in horror as what he says dawns on him. "Daughter?" Kurt asks, horrified. "_Daughter?_ She's my _niece_." I look like someone's _mother_? Kurt thinks, appalled. Visions of soccer moms swim in front of his vision, and he swears that next time he goes shopping, he will be taking someone else but Suzie to these excursions as the girl seems to have no fashion sense. Or sense of propriety. She's like Santana and Rachel circa Lima, Ohio, the teen years, he thinks to himself.

Meanwhile, Dave must have realized his error, because he says, quickly, "I'm so sorry, I thought she was your daughter."

Kurt is silently hyperventilating now._ I look like a soccer mom_, he thinks to himself over and over again. Dave must have sensed his discomfort and misunderstood the expression on his face, because he rushes to say, "Um, okay, okay, I'm not…I don't…I can't…But we could probably hang out or something. I'm new to New York anyway. Maybe you could show me around or something."

This is of course the opposite of what Kurt would want to do. The last thing he wants to do is spend his day with Dave _Karofsky_ of all people, gallivanting around New York with him, wearing a dress and speaking in a high voice and pretending to be all nice and sweet to the same guy who _bullied_ him in high school.

But before he could say anything, Suzie quickly says, "Great! Maybe next Saturday or something! Uuunn-_aaaunt_ Ku-_ursten_ will be free then!"

And Kurt tries to glare at Suzie, Suzie has already whipped out her phone, demanding to get the still flustered Dave's number, explaining that Kurt cannot be trusted with numbers. "You know, old people forget a lot of these things. It's their advanced age," Suzie says, matter-of-factly.

"Hey!" Kurt says.

Dave laughs. "Okay." Then he looks at Kurt, and says, "Nice to meet you Kirsten. I've got to go now, but congrats and see you around!" Then he turns to Suzie and says, "Nice to meet you, too, Suzie."

* * *

On their way to Greenburg Hill Gardens, Kurt tries to reproach Suzie for behaving as she did in front of Dave like she did. Kurt has already changed into regular jeans and a shirt and sweat shirt in a local restroom, shopping bag stashed full of the women's clothes they bought for his alter ego, Kirsten Hall, in one hand, the other hand holding donuts, whilst Suzie walks beside him, proudly holding a small carton punched out with holes, inside of which sits the hamster that they got from the local animal shelter.

Kurt is trying vainly to admonish Suzie about trying to fix him up with Dave, to which Suzie nonchalantly says, "What? He's cute. And if you pull off being a woman, then even better! Proves you're a better actor than you really are!" But then she adds, quickly, "But remember, no sex, of any kind, for forty days and forty nights though!"

Kurt throws up his hands. "Then how come you fixed me up with him if you don't want me to become…err...intimate with him?"

"So you _were_ actually thinking of getting intimate with him?" Suzie accuses him, smiling triumphantly. "This is so going to be easy! I just _love_ a good challenge!" Suzie chuckles.

Kurt blushes. "No! Of course not! _Gross_," Kurt says defensively, shuddering at the thought of being intimate with Dave Freaking _Karofsky_, of all people.

"What? He's cute," Suzie points out.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "I hate you."

Suzie laughs. "You _love_ me."

They walk along the street in silence and then Kurt speaks up. "Also, you might want to keep everything that we did today, to yourself."

Suzie shrugs. "Okay."

"I mean it, Suzie, _everything_," Kurt says. "Especially the one about Dave Karofsky." When Suzie looks at him, Kurt explains, "Your Mom knows Dave. That's probably why Dave thought you looked kind of familiar. You do kind of look like your moms. Your mom and Dave kind of used to go out with each other. Sort of. Briefly. In high school."

Suzie makes a face. "_Gross_."

Kurt grins. "That's what your Mommy Britt said when she found out."

"I mean he's cute and stuff, but really, _gross_," Suzie says again, making a face. She stops, thinks about it then asks, "Was this before or _after_ Mom and Mommy got together?"

Kurt smiles now. "Sweetie, I don't know if you know this, but your Mom and Mommy have _always_ been together. _Always_. Everyone knew this. And I mean _everyone_. Your Mom, in high school, was just some kind of…"

"An emotional cripple?" Suzie supplies helpfully, smiling.

Kurt laughs. "Something like that."

"Yeah, I got that," Suzie says, grinning back. "Why do you think it took Mom so long to get married to Mee?"

Kurt nods in agreement, smiling. They resume walking down the street, and after a few minutes of companionable silence, Kurt speaks up. "Coney Island."

"What?" Suzie asks.

"Coney Island," Kurt says, as if this were an obvious thing to Suzie.

"I don't follow," Suzie says now, puzzled.

"Coney Island," Kurt repeats, "That's totally where you can bring Kate for your first _real_ date." As Suzie considers this, Kurt says, "Don't think I haven't figured it out that the only reason you asked Dave out for me is because you wanted all four of us to go on some kind of double date or something."

Suzie grins innocently. "What? I would never…" she starts to deny, shaking her head.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "So, anyway, Coney Island. And next time, maybe a horror movie. That usually gets the ladies, I heard."

Suzie grins a wide grateful grin Kurt's way. "Thanks, Uncle Kurt."

"You're welcome," Kurt says now. Then he stops in the middle of the sidewalk and looks at Suzie. Suzie notices that he has stopped so she stops as well.

"Uncle Kurt, come _on_, I'm going to miss my favorite show," Suzie says, half-whining.

Kurt smiles. "Suzie, thank you, too."

Suzie tilts her head, and looks at him with her deep blue green eyes in that way that eerily reminds him of how Brittany used to look at people when they were in high school. "For what?" she asks now.

Kurt is silent for a while before he says, "For everything."

Suzie rolls her eyes and smiles. "In the words of Aunt Quinn, don't mention it. To anyone. _Ever_."

Kurt laughs. Suzie grins, before she steps forward and says, "Promise me you won't do what you did last night ever again, Uncle Kurt."

Kurt smiles. "I promise."

Suzie puts her pinkie up. "Pinkie promise?" she asks. "Mommy Britt made me pinkie promise sometimes."

Kurt nods. "Okay," he says, smiling, as he lifts his pinkie up and links it with Suzie's.

"There, now you can't ever do it again because you pinkie promised," Suzie says, grinning.

* * *

When they get to Suzie's home, the house seems deserted, but then they walk in on Rachel and Santana kissing in the kitchen, Santana's hand already halfway through the back of Rachel's blouse and Rachel's arms wrapped around her, unopened pizza box on the kitchen table, cold and forgotten, and Kurt and Suzie, grimace and say, at the same time, "Ugh, get a room!"

Santana and Rachel take their time and kiss some more before they reluctantly break apart and grin at Kurt and Suzie as they watch the two head to the kitchen table.

Rachel grins at the two, whole face lighting up in that disturbing, chipper way it does like she's just won a billion of dollars and waves one, excited hand at the two. "Hey, you two!"

Santana nods in acknowledgement of the two before she turns to Rachel and says, "Quick! Run for your life! Kurt's here! We're about to be violated!"

Kurt rolls his eyes as he takes his seat and drops the box of donuts beside him, even as Santana laughs at his discomfort.

"I have a hamster again!" Suzie announces loudly as she plops down on the kitchen chair, opens the pizza box and gets a slice of pizza that she promptly puts in her mouth. She then pulls out a donut from the box and starts to take a bite of that as well.

"Again?" Santana and Rachel both say and then they glare at Kurt.

"Didn't we agree we'd wait awhile before you get another one," Rachel says carefully now. "You know, to allow for the grieving process to take its natural course and stuff."

"Oh, it's taken its natural course, Mee," Suzie simply says now, grinning, lips lined with sugar and sauce.

"What she means, kiddo, is to allow for your room to air out and smell like a normal room again," Santana says, "Because your room is now a place where everything seems to go and _die_ or you know, where furry things land and hatch and grow and we have to _name_ them."

Suzie only smirks as Santana says, "Ever heard of the word vacuuming? Or cleaning your room? I feel sorry for Tram whenever she comes to clean the house. Your room is her Vietnam, do you know that? And _she's_ from Vietnam!"

Suzie makes a face. "I don't know what that means."

"Cleaning your room's been proven to make you live longer by about fifty years," Santana says now.

Suzie only rolls her eyes. Kurt smiles. Watching how domestic Santana gets at home, scolding her daughter like this, never gets old. "Never thought I'd live to see the day Santana Lopez gets a teenage daughter of her own," he comments now. "There _is_ a god after all!" He wipes the smirk off of his face when Santana glares at him.

"What's this one called?" Rachel asks now, looking at the box with the hamster inside.

"Kurt," Suzie announces proudly, to Kurt's discomfort, as Santana bursts out laughing. "_Junior._"

Rachel rolls her eyes.

"Hey, mom, what's 'Two Girls, One Cat'?" Suzie asks now, curious as she tilts her head and looks at her mom.

Santana flushes. "Err, nothing," she manages to answer before she turns to Kurt and glares at him again.

"Sorry," Kurt mutters.

"Yes, what's 'Two Girls, One Cat'?" Rachel asks now, stepping back and crossing her arms in front of her, raising an eyebrow at Santana.

Santana flushes even more, shaking her head. "Oh, by the way, Kate called - " Santana begins, trying to change the subject, but before she could finish her sentence, Suzie is up and has left the kitchen.

"What just happened?" Kurt asks now.

"Kate," Santana says, pulling at Rachel as her arm goes around Rachel's waist. "Kate happened."

"You know what's worse than a lovesick prepubescent around the house?" Rachel asks Kurt now, as Rachel puts her hand around Santana's waist. When Kurt raises his eyebrows in question, "It's a lovesick teenager moping around the house."

Kurt grins. "What, you weren't like that when you were crushing on Finn?"

"Like you weren't moping around because of Finn?" Santana retorts now, to Kurt.

"Yeah, because moping about Brittany was _way_ better, wasn't it?" Kurt shoots back.

Santana rolls her eyes. Rachel only laughs.

"Hey, thanks, for keeping Suzie company," Rachel says now.

"Which is really a euphemism for 'babysitting'," Santana says with a smirk now.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "No problem," he says. "How was the day out with the in-laws?" he asks Santana now.

Santana shrugs. "Not bad. I mean, I still think hanging out with anyone's in-laws needs to be done heavily _sedated_, but thankfully it wasn't awful or anything. It was actually kind of like being with two of you," she says, grinning. "Once I figured that out, it made it easier. For all of us. I think."

As Kurt looks at her confused, Rachel tells Santana, "That's a good thing, right?" When Santana nods and smiles in confirmation, Rachel turns to Kurt.

"How are you holding up?" Rachel asks now, a look of concern on her face.

Kurt nods. "I'm good, thanks. And thanks for being there for me. And for letting me sleep over last night.

"You sure you're going to be okay?" Rachel asks. "I mean you seemed so upset last night…"

Kurt smiles. "I'm fine. Something tells me I'm going to be fine."

Rachel smiles now. "That's great!"

Kurt nods. "In case I need help though, with the apartment situation, like if Bruce refuses to leave _my_ apartment, I hope you guys can help?"

Rachel smiles. "Of course," she automatically says and turns to Santana for confirmation.

Santana rolls her eyes before she says, "Yeah, yeah."

"Thanks," Kurt says.

The two women don't seem to notice him as they gaze at each other for a while. Kurt smiles awkwardly.

"What's with you anyway?" Kurt asks Rachel now, noticing how unusually more energetic and enthusiastic his best friend is than usual. "You look so…so…"

"Radiant?" Rachel supplies, smiling her trademark Rachel Berry smile.

"No, that's not it," Kurt says, putting a finger to his jaw, thinking. "You look so…."

"Vibrant?" Rachel says, looking at Santana, who beams at her with an approving smile.

"_Psychotic_," Kurt says, "Like you've had too much caffeine and uppers today."

Santana snickers, but then Rachel glares at her and Santana stops snickering.

"They might make a movie out of Brooklyn Beatz!" Rachel says excitedly now. "Granted it's a TV movie, but don't worry it's not Lifetime or anything, so it's bound to be awesome!" And then Rachel lets out a squeal and claps her hands once and Kurt looks at her, perplexed, while Santana only grins. "It's so exciting!"

Kurt should feel happy, really happy about this bit of news from Rachel, but he feels that familiar, momentary, slight sting of jealousy, which he then pushes down as he says, "Wow, congratulations! That's excellent news!"

Rachel beams. "It is, isn't it?" she says. Then she looks at Santana and turns back to Kurt and says, "But that's not why I'm looking all…excited…"

Kurt looks puzzled. "It's not?"

Rachel shakes her head vigorously. "No," she says. "There's also the fact that San might make junior partner!" And here, Rachel breaks off and smiles even more. Santana smiles a modest, embarrassed smile. Kurt smiles and says his congratulations and then Rachel says, "And…we've decided to have a baby."

Kurt rolls his eyes again. "Yeah, yeah, you've already mentioned this like a year ago," he says, matter-of-factly.

Rachel rolls her eyes. "No, you don't get it. I mean, we're really trying to have a baby now. Last year was just plans, but…we're, _I'm_ going to try to get pregnant this year."

Kurt looks at Rachel now and he can see the excitement on her face and he sees, _really_ sees that Rachel is really going to try to have a baby this time.

Kurt smiles now. "Wow, that's great!" Rachel and Santana smile, as Santana pulls Rachel even closer.

Santana turns to Kurt now and jokes, "Personally, I think having children should be done even more heavily sedated, but hey, it seems to make your best friend happy, so!"

"Hey!" Rachel says, mock sulkily at Santana, as she hits her arm.

Santana laughs as she gazes at her wife before giving her a tender kiss on the cheek. "Baby, if it makes you happy, then it's going to make me happy."

Kurt feels uncomfortable again, as the two gaze at each other again for what seems like forever, before Kurt clears his throat and says, "That's great! I'm so happy for you two both!"

The two women turn towards him, as if remembering he is still in the room and they smile. "Thanks!" they both say.

Kurt smiles at them, then the smile drops as he says, "But if you're thinking of asking me to donate sperm, well, I love you both, I'm deeply honored, but, I'd have to respectfully say, no."

Santana laughs as Rachel says, "We've actually decided to go with an anonymous…but highly intelligent donor, who would be part Jewish and part African American and part Latina or Latino just to make the baby a little bit of both me and Santana."

"Oh."

"Yes," Rachel says. "We both decided it would be just too weird to have a friend of ours be part of our gene pool or something."

Kurt smiles. "No one said yes?"

"Ugh, I don't understand why people wouldn't want to donate for us," Rachel says now.

"Baby, you have to admit, it _is_ a bit weird to ask Jeffrey or Mike or Mercedes' husband to donate for us," Santana points out now, "I mean they have kids of their own, and it would just be too weird for their kids and our kid to be related."

"And there's no way you're going to let Sam donate so…" Rachel says matter-of-factly.

"No, eeww, gross, we've talked about this," Santana says now, making a face. "Bad enough he tried dating Brittany, now he has to swim in my gene pool, too. No freaking way. I mean he's one of my good friends, but no way. No freaking way."

Kurt laughs as the two start to argue about sperm donors and kids, and he sits back, equally mildly grossed out and mildly amused as he watches the argument unfold before his very eyes. He sighs. It has been a long day. And while he thinks he is barely out of the forest yet, he thinks maybe he might make it after all.

* * *

_**Author's end notes:**_

_**That's it for this chapter!**_

_**Apologies for taking this long with this chapter. It was a bit harder to figure out the kinks, figuring out what to say and how to proceed with this story (even though the story is already finished in my head) and work, of course, kept getting in the way, but here we are!**_

_**Many thanks for reading and reviewing the first chapter. I know the few readers who have stuck with me have found my choice for a character and a story a bit unusual, but I hope this chapter makes up for that. I kind of wanted a story within a story with a whiff, a hint, of a parody within about the TV show that we love and hate and boycott, so that was the reason I am writing this. I'd brought it up to the beta and the beta had given me the thumb's up sign, and here we are. Plus, you know, we love our parodies and they are fun, so! **_**:)**_** haha! And yes, the dark has kind of dissipated a bit, sort of. I can't resist the funny, sorry.**_** :)**

_****__**I don't think this is going to be long, maybe only a few chapters and then it's done, so!**_

_**Writing this has made me miss my Pezberry but I think taking a break from it is essential as the storyboarding for the next Pezberry is a bit daunting and has become a full-time job in and of itself, so. :) And you guys keep suggesting stuff and it just keeps giving me ideas, so the Pezberry just keeps expanding even more, so hahaha! :)**_

_**This chapter would not have been finished if it were not for my beta, DragonsWillFly, who kept pushing me to finish this chapter, despite my many writer-connected issues. ;) So, thank you DragonsWillFly. Hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as DragonsWillFly enjoyed reading it and as much as I enjoyed writing it.**_

_**Your kind reviews are welcome and much appreciated.**_

_**On to your comments:**_

_**To kutee - Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Yes, it is Tootsie, I love that film so that's the basic template for this story. ;) I'm glad you're going to be here to see how the story goes. :) Re: But not so fast I want to enjoy his pain for a little while - This made me laugh! And really made my day. Thank you! Re: Does that make me sick or are is it just that you writing is just that good that I could never give it up - This straight up made my day even more! Hahaha! 'Nuff said. Thanks for the compliment. Thanks kutee, hope this chapter entertains! Enjoy!**_

_**To parker88 - Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Kurt is not on my list of favorite characters as well :-) but I thought it could be a fun story to write while I take a break from Pezberry as I storyboard the next story for them. :) But I am glad you took a chance and glad you found it interesting. Yes, the side of Pezberry is important! Ahhaa! Hope this chap did not disappoint!**_

_**To kickangel - Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am not a huge Kurt fan, too, but I think it's an interesting challenge to get a character we don't like and see how things go, as it were. ;) And yes, how he comes across to his agent is how my beta and I imagine him, too. Hope this chapter does not disappoint!**_


	3. Ladies & Gentlemen, Kirsten Hall

_**Author's note: Dear readers! Thanks for your patience. Here is Chapter 3 for you. I don't know how to describe this chapter, except to say that for those who've been reading my stories since at least "The Learning Curve" and wanted some more development in a few of the characters' lives, then this is for you. It's sort of a reward, I guess, for sticking with me and my verse this long. So, this chap has fun, slight parody, humor, adorableness, cuteness, fluff, Pezberry, Kurt, Dave, Suzie, Kate and more. **_**:-)**_** Enjoy!**_

* * *

Kurt almost backs out again, just before his first day of shooting, when his alarm clock goes off and he opens his eyes and he realizes that he has to go to work pretending to be a woman.

But then he wakes up again to Suzie staring down at him, in her trademark school uniform of a blazer and a skirt with the logo on it, and a sling bag. He yelps out in surprise as he grabs a piece of the blanket and scoots as far away from Suzie as possible, backing up on the headboard of his bed, terrified and surprised.

When he realizes it is Suzie, he huffs and says, "Suzie! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Suzie grins. "Sorry." She then grins even wider and says, "You scream like a little girl, Uncle Kurt."

"I do not," Kurt protests in a huff before he sputters, "What are you doing here? How'd you get in here?"

He clutches and clings to the edge of his blanket like it is a lifeline to sanity. He can still hear his heart beating erratically inside his chest at the thought that a person had somehow broken in and is about to kill him. It _is_ New York after all. Having Suzie give him yet another scare in his life such as this reminds him of his early days in Bushwick with Rachel, and all he can think of is muggers, serial killers and thieves that go bump in the night. He takes a deep breath to calm down, tries to think of happy places, maybe something peaceful, in his head, like the beach or waterfalls, which kind of just makes him think of going to the bathroom. He resists the urge to curse his friendship with Rachel because it had inadvertently gotten him Rachel's stepdaughter (Santana's very own spawn, in fact), who has become his very own pseudo-niece.

"Calm down, Uncle Kurt, don't get your panties in a bunch, I found your spare key," Suzie says, rolling her eyes at Kurt. "Just checking to see you don't chicken out again, first day of taping for your show. And, cool, Uncle Kurt, you're wearing panties."

Kurt ignores the thought that Suzie may have just accidentally seen him in his underwear and instead, goes for the obvious question, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school or something?"

Suzie makes that impatient "tsk" noise she makes when she thinks grown-ups don't get her and rolls her eyes again. "Finished school early. No one's at home anyway, so I decided I'd drop by and, you know, wish you luck. Mom's working late on some case and Mee's at the Foundation, so, or maybe she has a show over on Broadway, I get confused. Or a meeting, I don't know. They're so busy Mom accidentally packed me tampons for lunch. _Again._"

Kurt laughs and nods, but mentally goes over the math of how long it would take for Suzie to get from the private school in Brooklyn, where she studies, to the Lower East Side, where he lives. She would have at least skipped a class or so to get to his apartment, so he looks suspiciously at her, because the last thing he wants is for her parents to come barging in here accusing him of being a bad influence on her for allowing her to ditch class in favor of hanging out with him. "You didn't ditch class did you?"

Suzie looks at him, scrunches up her nose, and says, a little less convincingly, "No_oo_."

Kurt takes a deep breath, puts his hand up to his forehead, feeling something remotely resembling a headache, start to assault his forehead. He has been feeling a lot of this lately, especially when Suzie is around, and he thanks his lucky stars he is still currently childless, and will remain likely so probably until the end of time, although why other people insist on saying it is the greatest miracle in the world to have children, is beyond him. He finds the very thought of having children nauseating. He does, though, have a growing respect for people such as his best friend, Rachel, and Santana, for having successfully navigated the battlefield that is motherhood and child-rearing, relatively unscathed. Why they want to have another child is beyond him. He smiles patiently at the girl now and says, calmly, "Suzie, you _do_ know, if your parents find out you've been ditching class to hang out with me, you will not only be grounded not just in this lifetime, but probably for several lifetimes, and you will be forbidden from hanging out with Kate and perhaps even me."

Suzie's face falls. "I'm sorry. I was bored at school," she now admits. "But I swear I only ditched one class."

When Kurt glares at her, Suzie says, "Okay, okay, maybe a couple. But seriously, Uncle Kurt, I skipped a grade, so it's not like I'm behind or anything. And sometimes, the teacher gets weird in that class and makes me do stuff like recite the 'Pledge of Phalanges."

"Allegiance," Kurt corrects her, "How could you have skipped a grade and not know that word?"

Suzie grins. "Because I think 'phalanges' just makes way more sense. Plus, seriously, making students recite the 'Pledge of Allegiance' is so totally fascist."

"Wow, your school is good," Kurt comments, rolling his eyes while still smiling at the girl.

Suzie grins. "Thanks!"

Kurt laughs again.

Suzie tilts her head now. "Can I come with you to work, Uncle Kurt?"

"No," Kurt flatly says, as he yawns.

Suzie shoves her hand in front of her and Kurt looks and sees a small cup of brewed coffee in her hand. "Brought you coffee," Suzie says now, with a smile on her face.

"Thanks," Kurt says, somehow touched by the gesture as Suzie jumps back from the bed and looks at Kurt with her deep, blue green eyes. "Alright, alright, you can come with me."

Suzie breaks into a wide grin. "Awesome, Uncle Kurt! You're the best!"

"But home before your moms know it, okay?" Kurt says now. "Silverpoint is only a few stops away from your place, no excuse for you to stay longer than is necessary. And I just want to say again, your parents _can't _know I'm working as a woman now, okay? Plus I don't want you getting mugged or anything on your way home."

Suzie rolls her eyes. "God, you sound like, my moms or something," she complains now. "You worry too much. I'll be fine. I can take care of myself, fine, Uncle Kurt."

Kurt nods. He _does_ know that Suzie can take care of herself fine, with Santana and Rachel for parents, why wouldn't she? Plus, it is no secret that Santana is crazy about self-defense and has been making her child take self-defense classes since she was old enough to kick someone in the balls. The thought though of this kid being hurt by anyone is unthinkable, and he wouldn't want to see the look on her parents' faces if she does get hurt on Kurt's watch.

Suzie breaks the moment though as she runs a tan hand on her blonde hair and says, "Now, hurry up and get dressed, or you'll be late for work!"

"Alright, alright, so bossy!" Kurt says, smiling, as he puts the cup on the stand, grabs the blanket and covers his body with it.

Suzie grins. "That's what Mom calls Mee!" she says. "I'll see you in the living room, okay?"

* * *

Kurt had never dreamed of ever actually dressing up as a woman, whether for fun, for Pride, for kinks, and certainly not as a living. It had never really appealed to him, and now, as he gets ready, he realizes why: the sheer amount of preparation, the _effort_, he has to do to make himself into Kirsten Hall, boggles the mind. He had to shave his facial and leg hair, pluck his eyebrows to heretofore unbelievable pencil thin line, paint his finger nails and toe nails, put an enormous amount of gunk on his face, foundation to hide tell-tale signs of facial hair, eye shadow, blush, rouge, fake, small-ish teeth, thick, fake eyelashes, the auburn colored wig that he wore the first time and the contact lens that he has to wear to hide his natural eye color. He also has to wear pantyhose, a bra with some tissue in it, and a girdle to make himself fit into the dress he has to wear as Kirsten Hall.

It doesn't help his nerves that though Suzie is supposed to be in the living room waiting for him, she has taken it upon herself to occasionally check on him, apple or orange or banana in one hand, as she inspects the gradual progress of his efforts, making occasional comments such as, "One eyebrow's higher than the other one. It makes you look incredulous, or maybe really surprised", "That lipstick makes you look like a tramp, try a lighter shade", "That blush on your cheeks make you look like a clown. I _hate_ clowns", "That dress makes you look lumpy", "Your wig looks a bit funny", "Put some more tissue inside your bra, Uncle Kurt. One boob looks bigger than the other", before she advances to him with wads of tissue in her hand, that Kurt finally throws his hand up and says, "Ugh, go away, Suzie. I'm trying to get ready for work here."

"But, Uncle Kurt, you look like _Abuela!_" Suzie says now. "Why are you wearing a _doily_? Ditch the doily, will you? Unless that's part of your grand scheme _not_ to get laid, in which case, I fully support it."

Suzie smirks once before she sinks her teeth into the apple in her hand and says, "You have no real food in your fridge, Uncle Kurt. Next time, fill it up with chips and soda, okay? And maybe some beer."

"Like hell I will," Kurt shoots back as Suzie leaves.

* * *

When Kurt steps out into the living room, in his dress, saying, "I don't know how your parents do it…these heels hurt like hell and this bra is so uncomfortable and the pantyhose itches…and I think these vertical stripes make me look a bit too fat, don't you think so?" and finds, not only Suzie, but Kate as well, in her school uniform, whatever other words he wants to say dies in his lips as he stands there, unsure of what to say or do next. They are both sitting by the couch, with Suzie's leg swinging from one arm rest, as she has already changed to jeans and a shirt, both watching an animated show on Cartoon Network at full volume. They both stop and turn their heads, in his direction, at the sound of his voice, to look at him. Suzie reaches for the remote to turn the volume down.

"Hey, Uncle Kurt!" Suzie says now, taking the apple out of her mouth long enough to wave at Kurt. "Okay I brought my girlfriend, Kate?"

"Hey, Uncle K! You look nice," Kate says to Kurt now, before she turns to Suzie, rolls her eyes and says, "I'm not your girlfriend."

"No, apparently, she's _not_ my girlfriend, sorry," Suzie quickly corrects herself, rolling her eyes, "Despite the fact that we've kind of been together since forever and you get weirded out when I look at other girls or something."

"I'm choosing to ignore that," Kate says now, running a brown hand on her unruly head of curly hair as she turns back to the television. She does however, fish out her handkerchief and gives it to Suzie with a curt, "Can you wipe your hands with that or something? You're all sticky and stuff."

Kurt slowly takes a seat by one of the chairs, fighting down the panic and anxiety and he recovers enough to say, "Suzie, I thought we agreed no one else should know about this."

Suzie looks at him apologetically now as she wipes her fingers with Kate's handkerchief. "I'm sorry, Uncle K, Kate wanted to come, so."

Before Kurt can say anything, the doorbell suddenly rings and Kurt looks over their heads, wondering who it is.

"I'll get it," Suzie says, eagerly, as she gets up, as she hands Kate's handkerchief back to her and heads for the door.

A few seconds later, when Suzie doesn't return, Kurt gets up, curious, and heads for the door himself. What greets him is Bruce, by the doorway, Suzie standing in the middle of the hallway, refusing to let Bruce in.

"I'm sorry, mister, Uncle Kurt isn't here and I don't know where he is and I'm not allowed to talk to strangers, or let them in, so," Suzie says as politely and as nicely as she can manage, which surprises Kurt.

Bruce is about to say something to the girl, but then he spots Kurt, who is still dressed as Kirsten and turns to him instead and says, "Oh, hello, um, do you happen to know when Kurt might be home?"

Kurt smiles a polite smile and shakes his head, unable to speak for the lump on his throat and the sudden sadness that descends over him.

"Well, there you go," Suzie says now, putting her arms in front of her, planting her feet in front of her firmly before saying, "We'll tell Uncle Kurt you stopped by, Mr…?"

"Bruce," the man says, extending a hand to Suzie. "Nice to meet you."

Suzie nods absently before she realizes who it is.

Kurt nods once before he turns around, but then he hears a loud thud, a crash, before a pained, "Ooomph" and an "Ow!" and he turns around again to see Bruce suddenly sprawled on the floor, expression on his face bewildered and confused, Suzie innocently looking down at him, shaking her head and saying, "I don't know what got into me, it happened so fast…"

Kurt rolls his eyes as he watches Bruce pick himself up from the ground, and Suzie says, "I'm so sorry, mister, I thought you were going to attack me…"

Kurt and Suzie already know that excuse is very lame, but Kurt watches as Bruce nods, brushes the dirt from his shirt and jeans and backs away from the girl, limping into the hallway. "It's fine. Just…please tell Kurt I stopped by."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Suzie says, as she slams the door on Bruce's face, hearing another muffled painful noise from behind the door and a muffled thud.

Kate comes to the door and looks at Suzie, curiously, asking, "Suzie, what's going on?"

Suzie looks at Kate innocently before shaking her head and saying, "Nothing."

Kate raises one eyebrow and says, "_Suzie._"

"I swear, _nothing_," Suzie says now. "Anyway, we have to go. Uncle Kurt might be late for work."

Kate rolls her eyes as she heads to the living room, followed closely by Kurt and Suzie.

Kurt looks at Suzie as Suzie smiles guiltily and Kurt clears his throat and whispers, "Do I even need to say anything about what just happened?"

Suzie smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, Uncle Kurt. Will never do it again. I swear."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Yeah, right. Come on, we have to go."

"But that was so worth it, wasn't it?" Suzie says, grinning.

As they watch Kate gather her and Suzie's stuff, Kurt mutters, "And she's not your girlfriend? You guys are practically _betrothed_."

Suzie laughs. "I know, right?" she whispers.

"So how come you haven't gotten past first base?" Kurt whispers, raising an eyebrow.

"Ugh, don't ask, Uncle K," Suzie mutters now, "I don't know if she's my best friend or girl friend or something."

"Try _wife_," Kurt teases her now, smiling.

"You _ditched_ class, too?" presently Kurt asks Kate, feeling horrified to be indirectly influencing teenagers barely out of puberty to ditch class.

Kate smiles. "It's fine, Uncle K, I'm not a freak nerd like Suzie - "

"Oh, my god, shut _up_, Kate," Suzie whines now.

Kate's smile grows even wider, as she continues, "But I've got good grades, nothing doing a few extra credit projects will correct." Suddenly a look of tenderness passes through Kate's hazel eyes, and she takes a step forward, puts a hand out and brushes the back of her hand on Suzie's jaw before she says, affectionately, "Besides, someone has to look out for this freak. She's always, like, causing trouble and stuff. It's a full-time gig just taking care of her."

"I didn't ask you to take care of me," Suzie says, sulkily as Kate hands Suzie her backpack and jacket.

Kate rolls her eyes as she helps Suzie get into her jacket then she starts to tick off some of the things Suzie has done. "Remember that time you hoisted that boy on the flag pole? In his underwear? And made him recite the 'Pledge of Allegiance'? In Spanish? And glued that other boy's ass on his chair? And blued that boy who just said 'hi' to me?"

Suzie thinks about this as she puts her arms into the sleeves of her jacket and puts the straps of her backpack on her shoulders and a wide, satisfied grin spreads on her face. "Oh, yeah, those were my top three personal bests. Good times, good times."

Kate shakes her head. She turns to Kurt now and informs him, "She was just telling me how cool it would be to hook cables up to a guy's nipples and electrocute him." Suzie raises her hands in surrender as Kate asks her, "And didn't you just get the teacher mad that one time because you insisted on saying 'Pledge of Phalanges' and kept messing up the words on purpose because you thought it was fascist or something?" Kate turns to Kurt again and explains, "We were studying World War II, and for some strange reason, she'd taken to liking Franco and Stalin. And words like 'fascist' and stuff."

"Wow, your school is _really_ good," Kurt comments, again, as he picks up his own bag and rummages for his keys inside. "I'm afraid to know, but I'm still vaguely curious about how you got your teacher mad over the 'Pledge of Allegiance', but do tell," Kurt says now, smiling at the girl.

"Well…I kind of made up my own pledge. I found the original boring, so," Suzie explains.

"Yeah," Kate interrupts, and continues, sarcastically, "Hers goes a little something like, 'Oh, America, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind, you're so fine'."

Kurt laughs as Kate says, "There's a Spanish version to it, too, if you want to hear that one instead."

Kurt shakes his head, finally finding his keys and twirling them on his fingers as he looks at Suzie, who is slightly blushing. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"

Suzie grins. "That's what Mee describes Mom!" she says now, pleased with herself. "Thanks!"

Kurt laughs again. "No doubt about it. You _are_ Santana's child."

Suzie gives him a delighted smile. Kate rolls her eyes again as she puts on her own backpack. A few seconds later, she puts a hand out, and fusses with the collar of Suzie's jacket, fixing it, before she runs a thumb on Suzie's cheek, wiping away imaginary smudge there before she grabs the TV remote and turns the television off. Suzie blushes and a small smile forms on her lips.

Kurt smiles at the exchange between the two. For some strange reason, their banter reminds him of what Santana and Brittany used to be throughout high school, the two taking care of each other long after everyone has graduated and moved on and had outgrown cheerful, sappy music and show choir and romance and puppy love and everything else.

Kurt wants to ask how Kate realizes it is him in the dress and in the wig but then his phone vibrates in his pocket and he fishes it out to see that it is Bruce.

"Who's that?" Suzie asks, curiously, trying to lean over to see who it is.

Kurt blushes before he swallows and mutters, "It's…Bruce."

Suzie rolls her eyes before she grabs the mobile phone from Kurt's hand and Kurt protests and both Kurt and Kate both admonish her, saying, "Suzie!" as Suzie answers the phone.

"Hello?" Suzie says, her voice suddenly lower than before, trying to sound like a guy, motioning for the others to stay silent. Kurt notes that the girl may have been spending way too much time with Sam. Suzie pauses as she listens to the sound on the other line before she says, impatiently, in her low voice, "Look, he doesn't want you anymore, prick. You cheated on him, with his _best friend_. And besides, he's found somebody else. And he's bigger. About ten inches bigger, in fact. And that's when it's folded in half!"

Kurt and Kate stare at Suzie as she says all this before she hangs up and tosses the mobile phone to Kurt. They all stare at each other before Kate loses it and laughs out loud.

"You're hopeless!" Kate tells her between laughter.

Kurt stares horrified at Suzie before he allows himself a smile. "More than that, you are horrible, Suzie," he says. "_Horrible_." Here he shakes his head, "I must talk to your parents about those parental controls."

Suzie grins. "Too late. I can always go to Kate's. She kind of has mad skills with computers."

Kate grins.

"Come on, it's Uncle Kurt's first day, don't want him to be late and stuff," Suzie says now, as she gestures to everyone to follow her. "We probably should be careful about calling you Uncle Kurt in front of other people."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Wait, how'd you know it was me?" Kurt remembers to ask now as he checks that all the windows are closed, that everything is in order.

Kate grins at Kurt as Suzie smiles sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Uncle Kurt, she kind of _made_ me tell her the truth because I kind of forgot to tell her where I was last Saturday."

_Yep, not a girlfriend indeed,_ Kurt thinks with much amusement as he follows them out into the hallway.

"If there's one thing I've learned from knowing Suzie this long, Uncle K, is that when it comes to Suzie's ideas, you have to be afraid. Be _very_ afraid of her ideas," Kate says now, smiling, as she steps out into the outer hallway of Kurt's apartment.

Suzie rolls her eyes as she follows Kate outside the apartment. "It's a brilliant plan! And Uncle K got a job so!" She grins at Kurt now and says, "Besides, we're trying to live bicuriously through you."

"Bicuriously?" Kurt asks.

Kate rolls her eyes. "_Vicariously_," she corrects. "Although I don't think you're even remotely bicurious."

Suzie grins. Then she looks at Kurt, watches as he locks his door and says, thoughtfully, "I just wish you were…_prettier_, you know?"

"_Suzie!_" Kate says, lightly hitting Suzie on the elbow.

"Hey!" Kurt says at the same time. "I'm actually offended by that!"

"Ow!" Suzie says now, mock hurt in her voice as she rubs her elbow. "Sorry. By the way, Uncle K…she's kind of in on the bet as well," Suzie says hesitantly now.

"What?" Kurt asks, annoyed now. He cannot help the whine that comes out of his lips as he says, "_Suzie…_"

"Aw, don't worry, Uncle K, I'm betting on you," Kate says, "Although I've read guys kind of don't last as long as girls do."

Kurt feels his face warm up at this.

"Oh, by the way," Suzie says now, pulling her backpack from her back, unzipping it and rummaging through it quickly, she pulls out a small bottle of pills. "Got you some vitamins. You know, to keep your energy and stuff," she says, with a smirk, and tosses it to Kurt.

Kurt catches the bottle of pills and is speechless for a few moments. He stares at it for a second before he says, "You're never going to let me live that down, aren't you?"

Suzie grins. "Never."

Kate looks from Kurt and Suzie, puzzled and confused, but when she realizes no answer is forthcoming, she shrugs and they all file out of the apartment and pile into the first taxi that they successfully flag down Kurt's street that agrees to take them all the way to Silverpoint over in Brooklyn.

* * *

His first day at work isn't as bad as he thinks it is going to be, especially since he makes Suzie promise to behave herself on set, and making Kate promise to make sure Suzie behaves on set.

When they enter Silverpoint Studios, the first thing they all see are a group of shirtless, muscled men in shorts, scripts on hand, as make-up artists apply make-up on them and several people with headsets and clipboards give them directions. Kurt gets too busy staring at the guys and he almost runs into the wall staring at the guys and Suzie smirks and says, "Wow, shirtless men, Uncle Kurt. Your _worst_ nightmare."

"Shut up," Kurt says as Suzie starts singing a particularly bad rendition of "It's Raining Men".

He spots Irene Keener and nods to her as Suzie starts giggling, only to be cut off by a light sound that Kurt can only guess is Kate hitting her on the arm as Suzie suddenly yelps with an "Ow!".

Irene Keener nods back at him as they all pass by the sets and one of the staff direct him into wardrobe. Suzie and Kate wait outside for him.

"Hi, Alanna Vergara," the woman already inside wardrobe, in a terry cloth robe, greets Kurt as he steps in, extending a brown hand to Kurt. "I play Selena Cruz, the sort of socio-path, borderline psychotic school guidance counselor. Kirsten, right? Kirsten Hall? I think you're playing Carey Houston? The new principal or something? "

"Um, yeah," he says, shifting to a slightly higher, more feminine voice as he does so.

"I play the token sassy Latina," she says, with a cynical smirk. "I have a degree in theater and management but yeah, I'm stuck playing sassy Latina because I stupidly signed a three-year deal and now I can't get out of it."

Kurt smiles, not knowing what to say to that.

"Sorry, just venting," Alanna Vergara says. "You'll meet the others soon enough. Watch out for Jesse St. James, he kisses all the newbies on the show. We call him 'Prick', but never to his face."

Kurt smiles again, as it is what he considers him a prick as well, but then what Alana Vergara says just dawns on him and says, "Wait, what?"

"Don't worry, you'll be fine."

* * *

Kurt realizes why Alanna Vergara, who is nice and kind enough, has to vent when he steps into the set and he finds Bryan Cameron giving instructions to everyone for a particular scene, with some of the other cast members standing around in what he sees is a classroom set. He sees Suzie and Kate, who have been allowed on set, sitting at the back, watching the scene unfold before them. He waves to them and mouths, "Behave" to them both, to which the two smirk and nod in acknowledgement.

With Alanna Vergara beside him, Kurt finds out who the other cast members are.

"The blonde one's Helen Cooper," Alanna whispers now. "Kind of outspoken that one, and that's probably why her character's gone south since she pointed out to Cameron how absurd it was that her character couldn't tell a proper eating disorder from a prank. And I don't know - can vampires have eating disorders in the first place? The brunette, Alice Troy, plays Mary and that giant over there? That's Leonard Shelley Drew, he plays Moose, the love interest to both Helen and Alice's characters."

"Who's that other blond guy?" Kurt asks, motioning with his head to the shorter man beside Leonard Shelley Drew.

"Oh, that's Marcus Marc, he plays the nerd who's in love with Helen's character," Alanna says. "It's kind of like…a love triangle? Or a love square? Or a quadrilateral? I don't know."

In front of them, they can hear Bryan Cameron saying, "So, this is the scene where Helen, your character, Regina Ray, finds out Leonard's Moose cheated on you with Alice's character, Mary, and you are confronting Moose and you're torn between wanting to tear the guy who's basically your first love and crawling up to him on your hands and knees and offering up your blood so he could get off on it, but you also have the urge to push him into the sun just to see him _sparkle_."

"Should I stand or sit or dance when I sing?" Leonard Shelley Drew asks, face confused as he looks at Cameron.

Cameron shrugs. "I don't care. Just make like a tree or something while you sing. You don't have to worry about the singing, that's what auto-tune is for. We'll just play the song over lip-syncing. Now, Marcus, you're supposed to come in, and you see this exchange and you get pissed off because the one you love is still mooning over the guy who's treated her so badly the past few seasons…"

"What he means to say is that that guy can't dance if his life depended on it," Alanna leans over and whispers to Kurt. "The choreographer gave up on him a long time ago. God knows why he's still employed, he can't sing, dance or otherwise act. Didn't even finish grade school or anything. I think he used to work at Cosco's or something. Has the emotional depth of lint, if you ask me. In fact, I think the lint has more emotional depth."

"The song's too high though, and I don't think it's kind of appropriate to the scene," Leonard says now to which Cameron impatiently interrupts him and says, "Nobody cares, just sing the song, we're already behind schedule as it is because you were late for rehearsal."

"What he means to say is we're just here to sell iTunes so appropriateness be damned!" Alanna says now.

Kurt must have looked bewildered as he watches and listens to Bryan Cameron's instructions to the cast, must have looked _as_ bewildered as the cast, because Alanna leans over again and whispers, "You look lost."

When Kurt looks at her, Alanna grins and says, "Let me catch you up. Basically it's kind of like Twilight, True Blood, Vampire Diaries, Teen Wolf, Sweet Valley High and High School Musical all rolled into one."

"I know all about that," Kurt says impatiently, "But why does this particular story sound so familiar?"

"Ah, that's because it's been done in Season one, with the same characters, the original ones, but there's also a different set of _younger_ characters that have the same story," Alanna explains, "Showmax didn't want a spin off for the original characters, like, you know, 'True Delights: The College Years', so they kind of split the show into two and kind of hit the reset button on the high school side of the show and just copied whatever happened in season one. You know the story, right?"

When Kurt lightly shakes his head, Alanna rolls her eyes and patiently explains, "Just think of it as kind of a Romeo and Juliet love triangle, but Romeo's a werewolf that sparkles and Juliet's sort of like some kind of baby vampire who's in search of redemption and perpetually looking for something to feel guilty about and then there's a shape-shifting wizard-vampire-fairy who completes the third side of the triangle and here we are. We just refer to them as the new Romeo and the new Juliet and new love interest for the love triangle whatever. Obviously they all have a lot of feelings and sing a lot about that, so."

"I'm kind of confused. Didn't these same characters already go through the same love triangle whatsit in Season One? And didn't they already graduate or something?" Kurt asks now, "I don't understand."

Alanna scoffs at his confusion. "Nobody does." When Kurt turns back to Bryan Cameron, Alanna jokingly whispers, "I seriously think we just can't afford better writers because most of our budget goes to the music rights. And auto-tune. Anyway, I think they all got held back a year or something. I'm not sure. Even the writers don't actually keep track of the show, so. Anyway, I think they needed the male leads to stay because they needed to validate the female leads' existence with more regularity. Well, put in another way, just look at it as Regina being the vamp cheerleader, Mary being the virgin geek, Moose being the dumb jock with the heart of gold, and so on. It's filled with stereotypes and archetypes, which, in Bryan Cameron's capable hands, pretty much means the same thing, so it's not as hard as it looks like."

Kurt shakes his head. "I don't understand though, why the women keep needing to have love interests. They seem powerful. I don't think they need men to help them or even define them or justify their whole existence. I think it all just seems sexist."

Alanna looks at Kurt, tilts her head thoughtfully and says, "Hmmm. You're not as boring as I thought."

When Kurt only smiles, Alanna continues, with a smile, "But you don't sound as smart either. Don't ever let Cameron catch you saying that out loud, okay? Unless you want to lose your job or something." She looks at the cast listening intently to Cameron's instructions before she turns back and says, "It's not about logic, continuity, or all that other stuff we would concern ourselves in real life, apparently it's about those moments or something that matters."

Presently, he sees Jesse St. James, lurking behind the set, spraying something in his mouth as he does so, looking at Kurt in a creepy, predatory way.

"That's Jesse St. Prick," Alanna says now.

Kurt nods and tries to avoid looking at Jesse St. James.

Presently, a staff approaches them and simply says, "New script. Enjoy!"

Kurt and Alanna nod absently as they accept the paper from the woman. As Kurt scans the script, Alanna makes a strangled, and later on, Kurt will come to realize as an annoyed noise.

"What?" Kurt asks, curious.

"That _bastard_," she hisses.

Kurt is unsure what to say to that, so he just stands there and waits for Alanna to say something. When she doesn't say anything for a while, Kurt thinks she's decided to just keep whatever has annoyed her to herself, but then she speaks up and says, "There's a nose job storyline in the script."

Kurt shrugs. "So?"

"I just had a nose job last summer," Alanna says now. "Ugh. Then there was that one episode about liposuction and he wrote it in because I had a _liposuction_ once and stuff. And there was this one time he worked a sex tape story line around my story when one of my ex-es kind of posted it on the 'net. _Asshole_."

Kurt does not know what to say to that so he is silent as Alanna lets out a string of invectives under her breath.

"So, talk to the writer," Kurt simply says when Alanna gives no indication of stopping.

Alanna stares at him now as if he has grown an extra head. "Are you fucking kidding me?" she asks, incredulously. "This is Cameron's show. He's like the writer, producer, director. No fucking way. No _fucking_ way."

Kurt sighs as he glances at the script to search for his own lines. He is a few pages into the script before he finds his lines. And he finds that his lines are few and far in between.

"What's wrong?" Alanna asks now.

When Kurt explains that his lines are lesser than he expected, Alanna rolls her eyes and surmises, "Did you piss someone off? That's usually the producers' passive aggressive way of punishing actors who know more than the producers. You usually know after reading the script who they're pissed off right from the get-go."

"So they're pissed off at you, too?" Kurt asks.

Alanna is silent for a few moments before she hisses and says, "Shit, I hadn't thought of that."

* * *

As he waits for his turn for the shoot, Suzie and Kate amble towards them at about the same time Dave Karofky, in his now trademark suit, approaches them as well, all smiles and sunshine. Alanna steps back, watching the rehearsal disinterestedly.

"Hey, we're kind of getting bored, okay if we go now?" Suzie asks Kurt now. She then spies Jesse St. James lurking around the set and she turns to Kurt and motioning with her head, she asks, "Who is _that_? He keeps looking at you funny." She looks at Jesse St. James then turns to Kurt again and says, with a smirk, "He looks like he needs a flu shot. In his _eye_."

Dave hears the last part of Suzie's statement and laughs as Kurt rolls his eyes.

"Hey, Miss Hall, how are you?" Dave asks at about the same time. He nods and smiles at Alanna and Alanna smiles back. "I trust everything's going well?" this he asks to Kurt.

"Hi," Kurt says, for some strange reason, relieved to see yet another familiar face in this crowd of strangers, "I'm fine, thanks. And please, call me Kirsten."

Dave grins now and turns to Suzie. "Hey, Suzie, how are you?"

"I'm good, thanks," Suzie says now. "Bored, but other than that, I'm good."

"Who's your friend?" Dave asks now, turning to Kate, an amused smile on his face.

"Um, Mr. Dave, this is Kate, Kate, Mr. Dave," Suzie says now. Dave politely offers his hand to the girl and Kate accepts the hand and smiles at him.

Suzie then asks Dave, "So we're still on for Saturday, right?"

Kurt blushes as Dave squirms uncomfortably before he says, "Um, yeah, sure. See you then, right?"

Suzie grins. "Excellent!"

Dave nods and moves off as Kate turns to Suzie and asks, "What was that about?"

"Nothing."

"_Suzie_," Kate says now, in that tone that Kurt will come to realize is the only tone that can actually control Suzie.

"We're just going _out_," Suzie says, rolling her eyes, "With Mr. Dave."

Meanwhile, Alanna steps forward, all curious and wondering, watching Dave's retreating back.

"Oooh, what was that about?" Alanna asks now. "Didn't think he was into girls. I thought he was exclusively Cameron's boy toy or something."

_Interesting,_ Kurt thinks to himself, although he feels a vague disappointment that Dave would date the producer that everyone dislikes.

Suzie looks from one adult to the other and says, "I don't think she has to worry about that." When Alanna looks at Suzie curiously, Suzie explains, "My aunt has taken a vow of absence, so it's not like he's going to be seeing some action, like anytime soon or something."

"Suzie!" Kurt and Kate say now, as Kurt blushes furiously and Alanna smiles, amused at Suzie.

"Yeah, my aunt is kind of _obstinate_," Suzie says now, in a deadpan face. "She obtains from sex."

As Kurt stares speechless and horrified at Suzie, Kate rolls her eyes and says, "_Abstinent_. She's _abstaining_ from sex."

"Yeah, like some other people I know," Suzie mutters now which makes Kate flush.

Alanna smiles even as she looks at both girls curiously so Kurt is compelled to introduce the girls to her. The two girls smile and nod at Alanna before Suzie looks at Alanna and comments, "You look pretty."

Kurt doesn't miss the vague look of disapproval (and was that jealousy? Kurt asks himself) that passes through Kate's hazel eyes. But then he doesn't miss the glint of mischief in Suzie's blue green eyes too so he starts to shake his head but it is too late.

"Thank you," Alanna says, smiling at the girl.

Suzie does not let her finish as she quickly and quite eagerly asks, "What are you doing next weekend?"

Kurt can feel the blush that he thought had subsided on his face, start to spread again. "_Suzie,_" he chides her again, at about the same time Kate says her name as well, the expression on Kate's face unreadable but her tone carrying a hint of a warning in it.

"What?" Suzie asks, innocently, a grin on her face. "I was just _asking_. I mean, I just want to know how actors memorize all those tons of lines," Suzie reasons now. "I mean, I have those demonic devices to help me memorize the periodic table and that stuff we need to memorize for history and stuff, but…yeah…"

Kurt rolls his eyes as Alanna stands speechless, face flushing, clutching her script in her hand.

Alanna continues to stare at Suzie and says nothing, so Suzie shrugs and says, "Never mind." Suzie looks at her. "I smell fear on you," she says to Alanna.

Alanna's jaw drops and she turns to Kurt and says, "Okay, this one is scary," as she gestures to Suzie.

Kurt clears his throat. "She's kidding," he quickly says, and turns to Suzie now, glaring at her, "You're kidding, aren't you?"

"I was just kidding," Suzie says.

"_Suzie_," Kate says again, now sounding a little irritated.

"I was just _kidding_," Suzie repeats, lightly, rolling her eyes

Kate stares at Suzie for a few moments now before she turns around and walks out sulkily.

"Uh-oh, you're in trouble now," Kurt tells Suzie lightly.

"Before I go," Suzie says now, "What does _moneyshot_ mean?"

Kurt manages to glare at her as his face flushes again, even as Alanna tries to stifle her laughter.

Suzie sighs, dramatically before she rolls her eyes again and says, "Alright, alright, see you around!" before she runs after Kate, saying, in her sweetest, most conciliatory, most patient voice, "Katie, wait up!" and tries to explain everything.

Then, just when things could not get any more interesting, Jesse St. James comes up to him, with a vaguely predatory look on his face and as he looks up and down Kurt, Jesse smiles and says, "Hi. I'm Jesse St. James. I'm playing Chad Claus."

Kurt smiles as he accepts the hand Jesse offers.

"We're up in a few," Jesse says, pulling out his breath spray and smiling a wicked smile Kurt's way, eyes glinting with mischief.

_Gross_, Kurt thinks.

Suddenly, Cameron shouts their names and he tells them, "And now Kirsten, everyone this is Kirsten Hall, she's playing the new principal…and then Jesse, who plays the coach, Chad, they come in and see this fight and try to break it up and Kirsten, your character will talk to Chad, who is played by Jesse, in the hall and Jesse, your Chad will kiss Kirsten."

"I'm sorry, shouldn't I give the boys detention for fighting?" Kirsten asks now, in his ridiculously high voice.

Cameron looks at him impatiently, "No."

And Cameron comes and shows her the directions as Kirsten says, "I just think I should give the boys detention or something…I mean, I am the principal after all. That would make sense…"

Cameron ignores him and only nods and leads him out of the classroom set and into the hallway and slams the door on Kurt's face.

_Shit_, Kurt says to himself.

Later, when Cameron shouts the word "Action!" and Kurt comes in, along with Jesse St. James, on the two actors, Leonard Shelley Drew and Marcus Marc, characters fighting on the floor, Kurt says, "What is going on here?"

"He started it!" both characters shout.

Kurt comes over and goes for Marcus Marc's character's John Owens, pulls him by the ear and says, "Detention, now!" Then he goes to the other actor, Leonard Shelley Drew, reaches up and pulls him down by the ear as well and both actors register surprise then pain as they both say, "Ooooww!"

Then he pulls them out to the door and says, "Now get to detention now! I will not have this kind of behavior in school!" As the two leave, Jesse St. James dons an amazed face and says, "Wow, impressive, Ms…"

"Carey, Carey Houston," Kurt says now, offering a hand and stepping back as Jesse St. James takes a step forward.

"Chad Claus," Jesse says, smirking. "I coach the football team. It's about time we get a principal who has balls. Doing anything this Friday?"

They exchange a few more lines before Jesse St. James leans over, puckering up his lips for a kiss. Kurt panics before he puts his hand up and slaps Jesse on the cheek with a resounding snap, making Jesse's head snap back with the impact.

"Validate someone else's existence, why don't you!" Kurt tells him.

"Cut!" Cameron shouts from the background, face red as he comes up to Kurt and Jesse, who is rubbing his cheek from the pain.

"I'm so sorry," Kurt tells Jesse now in a conciliatory, and he hopes, sweet tone, before saying, "You kind of caught me by surprise. I'm sorry. I'll get an ice pack for you."

Jesse shakes his head. "No, no, I'm fine."

When Cameron gets to them, Kurt immediately says, "I'm so sorry, Mr. Cameron, I thought maybe it would be nice if the kids got some form of detention, I am the principal after all. Kind of instinct, you might say. And Mr. St. James kind of caught me by surprise, I'm so sorry."

"Well, it was a good instinct, but maybe you leave the storytelling and writing to me," Cameron says now.

Kurt looks down now and then looks up and says, apologetically, "I'm sorry. I was wrong to not consult you. It won't happen again."

Cameron nods. "Fine, fine." He then turns to Jesse, "Great scene, Jesse!"

"I was supposed to kiss her!" Jesse whines.

The set becomes a flurry of activity as the staff move on to the next scene and Dave comes up now and says, "Great job, Kirsten! Would have done the same thing to Jesse!" Dave then grins and says, "See you on the weekend!"

Kurt grins and says, "Thanks. See you then!"

Kurt smiles now and he doesn't know why, but seeing Dave kind of makes him feel better.

* * *

Later, when he goes home after waiting the whole night for his next scene of little dialogue, exhausted and tired, he sees a few missed calls and texts on his phone.

He is badly in need of a shower and perhaps need to wash his mouth with toothpaste and soap because of course, his next scene is with Jesse St. James and Jesse St. James manages to grab him firmly by the shoulders and plant a big, wet kiss on his lips, rendering Kurt surprised and speechless and vaguely horrified long after the kiss and the shoot are over.

As he thumbs through his phone, he sees that the most urgent one seems to be from his agent, Joe Maguire and so he calls him first.

"Hey," he says to the sleepy hello from his agent.

"Hello? Who is this? Do you know what time it is?!" Joe Maguire says testily.

"It's me, Kurt," Kurt says, "You said to call you as soon as possible, and here I am."

"Kurt Hummel," Joe says now, seeming to have woken up from sleepiness when he realizes who he is talking to on the other line. "Good morning."

"Morning, Joe," Kurt says, dropping on his sofa, and putting his feet up on the table as he grabs the remote and turns the television on. "What's up? Why'd you want me to call?"

"Well, you see, Kurt, the other day, I received a contract in the mail for a Kirsten Hall from Showmax Studios for a popular television show called 'True Delights'," Joe begins now, "And I was wondering who Kirsten Hall was as I may be old, but I'm not senile and then I realized who this could be and then I started thinking of all the trouble this could bring me and my agency and then I started thinking of the many creative ways in which I am going to kill you once I get my hands on you."

"Joe…" Kurt says.

"Do you realize how many laws you've broken pretending to be this Kirsten Hall!" Joe sputters now, angrily. "You will ruin me!"

"Joe…calm _down_," Kurt says now. "You told me I couldn't find a job, and I did, Joe. I found a job. In a hit television how. And I almost didn't get the job because I might have been too feminine or something."

"Come clean now, Kurt," Joe says. "I said get some _help_, Kurt. Not dress up as a woman and commit frigging _fraud!_"

"Joe…take it easy, I haven't had a proper job in _years_, Joe, this is my chance to really shine!" Kurt explains now. "Just…give me this, Joe. I _need_ this job, Joe. _Please_."

It is when Kurt says this that he realizes he really does need the job. Needs it not only because he is almost maxed out, and probably almost broke, and because he cannot find jobs and the television early morning show just let him go, via text and email and because his ex-boyfriend just slept with his ex-best friend, but also it feels like it is his last connection to sanity and if he loses this, he will lose his sanity. It takes a lot of convincing, but Joe finally agrees, with much trepidation and anxiety.

"You'll be the death of me, Kurt, you'll be the death of me!" Joe says, before he hangs up.

The next call is to Santana and Rachel.

"Hey, _loser_," Santana says, impatiently and cantankerously and slightly out of breath.

Kurt rolls his eyes, already used to Santana's mood in the morning, but mildly grossed out by the sound of Santana's voice on the phone. "Good morning, Santana. May I speak to Rachel please?"

"No. And you called at an inappropriate time. And, yes, we were having _sex_," Santana says automatically as Kurt hears Rachel in the background, saying, "San!"

Kurt ignores this and instead, says, "Making my best friend live up to her promise of getting you laid forever, I see?"

"Shut _up._ That's none of your business," Santana drawls.

"It's early morning, Santana, I thought you liked it after lunch because you needed someone warm beneath you?" Kurt retorts with a smirk on his face.

There is an awkward, and what Kurt can only guess is embarrassed silence on the other line, before Santana's voice turns a little away from the phone and he can hear her saying, "Babe! You _told_ Kurt about our after lunch…_thing?_"

Kurt laughs. There is an annoyed sound from Santana as Santana hands the phone to her wife, a rustle, some more movement, whispers, before Rachel's voice is on the phone and she says, equally out of breath,"Hey, Kurt, sorry about San. And no, we were _not_ having sex."

"Were too!" Santana says in the background.

"Hey, Rachel, it's fine," Kurt says now, yawning. "What's up? You told me to call you as soon as possible."

"Yeah…about that…" Rachel says, and Kurt can already see the smile on her face. "I did ask you to call me as soon as possible, but I meant, in the middle of the day, not at this ungodly hour."

"Sorry," Kurt says apologetically. "Not my fault your wife's libido is disturbingly off the charts. Anyway, you're on the phone now, so. What's up?"

"Um, nothing much…" Rachel begins and before Kurt knows it, Rachel has given him a basic rundown of their efforts to get Rachel pregnant, which involves words such as "viscous", "fluids", "ovulation", "basal body temperature", "sperm donor", "sperm count", "motility", "vaginal ultrasound", "fertility tablets", "IVF", "fallopian tubes", "ovaries" and "uterus". Before Rachel could launch into a more detailed account of how she will get pregnant, including how her parents have gamely offered to help with the financial part of it, he interrupts, horrified, and shuddering from the too much information his best friend has supplied, says, "Rachel, first of all, _way_ too much information. Seriously grossing me out here."

"Which part?" Rachel asks.

"Oh, I don't know. All the parts that have anything to do with your lady bits…" Kurt says. "Which is pretty much everything you just said. Seriously, Rachel, a gay man can only take so much!"

As Rachel laughs, Kurt continues, "I mean, I sincerely hope I did not interrupt you while you were trying to conceive or anything but next time ease up on the too much information, mkay? Second of all…Sweetie, let's think about this for a minute…"

"What?"

"I mean, do we really want _another_ spawn of Satan, err, _Santana_ running loose in the world?" Kurt jokes now. "I mean, Rachel, it's not yet too late to back out of this! Suzie's already a handful enough as it is! I mean, if you conceive, there'll be like…two mini-Santanas running around in the world creating havoc and mayhem! It'll be like, the end of the world as we know it! You could just name them both Damian and be done with it!"

"I heard that!" Santana says now, in the background.

"Sorry, I accidentally pressed the speaker phone," Rachel says to Kurt now. "And what's wrong with having Santana's baby? If I could, I'd have dozens of babies with her."

Kurt makes a face. "_Gross_. That is so not healthy, Rachel. You need help. That's probably the most disturbing thing you have ever said."

"I can _still_ hear you!" Santana calls out in the background.

Rachel laughs as she turns back to talking to Kurt. "Would you rather I moon over your ex-stepbrother or that NYADA guy who was always shirtless? The one you said had pepperoni nipples? What was his name?"

"Sex offender!" Santana calls out in the background and then promptly laughs.

Kurt laughs as well. "Oh, _god_, no!" Kurt says now. "Come to think of it, I'd actually much rather hear you declaring how much you would love to have dozens of babies with Santana and declare your disturbing, strangely inexplicable love for Santana rather than hear you moon about said stepbrother or pepperoni nipples guy."

Rachel chuckles at Kurt's statement. Kurt smiles. He has actually never seen Rachel so happy in his whole life. It makes him envious, really. He wants what Rachel has, with Santana. Despite the fact that Rachel had always been naturally cheerful and hyper, Kurt sensed Rachel was unhappy, with Finn, with Jesse, with Puck, and with aforementioned shirtless NYADA pepperoni nipples guy. But something had happened to Rachel freshmen year in NYADA. She wouldn't say anymore about it, but she was sad most of freshmen year. That was the time when she actually stopped talking about Kurt's stepbrother, ditched that NYADA guy (who would go on to sleep with Cassandra July), stopped dating guys for a while, ditched Cassandra July's classes, enrolled in Tipper Potts' classes instead, and threw herself into her classes and her career. It surprised him actually that she would marry that wealthy guy but when they divorced it hadn't surprised him at all. She would never speak about what happened that time freshmen year in NYADA, would never talk about that pivotal moment that changed her life, and sure she would date guys still, but Kurt had sensed that something in Rachel, something that was basic and fundamental, had changed. At that time, she had stopped confiding so much in Kurt as well. It was actually only recently that she had started opening up more to Kurt again and Kurt thinks it is because of Santana and how much Santana was making her happy. He actually regrets that it took Rachel a while to even tell Kurt that she and Santana were dating. Took her a couple of years in fact, and she hadn't explained why she was always shuttling between California and New York. At that time, Kurt had thought Rachel spending so much time in California had been for some movie or TV project, but Kurt now knows it was because of Santana. He is happy for Rachel but sometimes, he misses her as well.

Presently, Santana says, "Is there a reason you're calling my wife? Out with it so we can get with the program! You know how I hate blue balls!"

"_Whatever_," Kurt says now, "Anyway, why did you want me to call you? You texted and told me to call you when I get the chance."

"Just to get this out of the way, technically we need to go to a doctor for me to get pregnant but…yes…" Rachel pauses now.

"Gross, I hope that doesn't mean you have to _do_ it with the doctor," Kurt says, jokingly.

"Silly," Rachel says now, laughing before he hears an audible sigh from her and she continues, "Anyway, um…the thing is I kind of need to go to Washington for this meeting or other on arts education, this Friday, and Santana needs to go to their San Francisco office for some meeting or other and…"

"You need someone to babysit Suzie?" Kurt asks now.

"Err, yeah, sort of," Rachel says, now, sounding a bit sheepish. "Sorry. We would have asked somebody else, but nobody seems to last with Suzie and she seems to get along with you fine. Babysitters never last an hour with her. We don't know why. The last one we called said, 'Suzie? _Susanna_ Marie Pierce _Lopez_?' and then she kind of started screaming and crying and blubbering and hung _up_. So, anyway, can you kind of keep Suzie company a couple of days or something? That's…if you're free or something. I mean…we don't presume…"

Kurt sighs. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Great!" Rachel says, excitedly. "I'm so sorry, we've been so busy I know and…"

"It's fine," Kurt says now.

"Thank you," Rachel says, gratefully. "And um, Suzie's kind of grounded. So she's not allowed out or anything."

_Surprise, surprise,_ Kurt thinks, smiling. "Grounded?" he asks out loud. "Whatever for?"

"Oh, I think maybe you have an idea why," Rachel says. When Kurt doesn't say anything, Rachel says, "Kate told us she beat up your ex, Bruce, and that there's an ongoing bet or something between the two of you. We're so sorry about that."

"It's fine, really. And technically she didn't actually beat him up," Kurt says. He is relieved Kate has not told them about Kirsten Hall.

"Yeah, technically she didn't actually traumatize that poor kid she glued to his seat by the seat of his pants either, but let's not talk semantics here," Rachel says with a sigh. "Teenagers, you know?"

Kurt laughs. "What? You were a teenager yourself, Rachel."

Rachel sighs again. "Yes. But the kids of today." She sighs again. "So not looking forward to the high school years."

Kurt chuckles again as Rachel says, "But thanks so much for agreeing to keep Suzie company. Um, Santana wants to talk to you."

"Santana?" Kurt asks, curious. "Why?"

Rachel does not answer and instead hands the phone to Santana as Kurt wonders now what Santana wants to talk to him about. Then he hears Santana's distinctive drawl on the phone.

"Hey, _loser_," Santana says now and Kurt can hear Rachel chiding her, saying, "San!" in the background.

"Hi, Santana, what's up?"

Kurt can practically sense Santana's smirk on the phone. "First of all, we really need to set up some kind of system where you give us a head's up first via means of text before you either call, or drop by the house. Second of all, our sex life is none of your business."

"You were the one who announced you were having sex!" Kurt retorts.

"Because you keep _calling_ at the most inappropriate times!" Santana says testily. "Which pretty much means _all_ the time!"

"Because you always seem to be having sex _all_ the time!" Kurt shoots back, rolling his eyes. "I mean, if we follow whatever system you're suggesting, I'll never be able to talk to my best friend! _Ever._"

"Are you twelve? She's _married_ now, Kurt," Santana says. "If you want to have someone to talk to all the time, go get married."

"Whatever. Do you even give Rachel any kind of break from the orgasms?" Kurt asks now, smirking. "Do you give her a break _at all?_"

Santana laughs before she says, "She gets a break during that time of the month. Although on second thought… That never stopped me before. I can work around that, too. All you need is…"

"Stop it!" Kurt practically yells into the phone, horrified as Santana laughs uproariously. "Gross, Santana. _Really_ gross. _Eeww._ I don't want to know how you do it when it's that time of the month."

"San! Stop it! Be nice," Rachel says in the background and Kurt hears another sound as Santana says, "Ow!" There is a brief silence at the other end of the line before Santana says, "Sorry, Kurt," and then he hears Santana's voice move away from the phone as she says, "There, I apologized babe, are you happy now?" before she turns back to the phone, "Hey, you still there?"

When Kurt says yes, Santana laughs before she says, " Anyway, _third_ of all, heard you have an ongoing bet with Suzie. I'd like you to know I'm betting against you, 'cause I _so_ don't think you're going to make it, and there's a lot riding on this and I hate losing, so don't fuck it up, Hummel!" Then she pauses before she continues, "On second thought, actually, fucking it up, Hummel, would actually so make my day! Then I'd totally win the bet!"

As Kurt is surprised into silence by Santana's revelation and the succeeding explosion of laughter that follows from her, followed by the sound of someone being hit, the rustle of something, Rachel's chiding voice saying, "San!" and Santana saying, "Ow!" Kurt blushes. He hears Rachel in the background saying, "San, give me the phone _now_."

"Alright, alright," Kurt can hear Santana say as he hears noise again, as of Santana passing the phone back to Rachel and presently he hears Rachel on the other line.

"Hey," Rachel says, sounding apologetic. "Sorry about that, Santana's…" and here Rachel pauses and from the way her voice trails off, Kurt can guess she has glanced at Santana and is perhaps pointedly glaring at her, "A bit of a jerk sometimes."

"Aaaww, baby, sorry…" Santana says in the background and to Kurt's consternation, he hears Rachel giggle and he can only guess what Santana is doing to elicit this kind of reaction from Rachel. _Gross_, he thinks.

"But I bet on _you_ though," Rachel announces cheerfully now, "So at least Kate and I are on your side."

As what Rachel has said registers with Kurt though, Kurt stares at the phone in horror and whines, in panic, anxiety and distress, "_Rachel!_"

"Sorry," Rachel says, apologetically. "Santana thinks you won't make it past day forty and so I kind of inadvertently joined the bet as well."

As Kurt makes a strangled noise, Rachel says, "So I've got a lot riding on this, too, Kurt. If I lose the bet, I'm going to have to do stuff that I don't like doing…for at least six months to a year…and I don't like that, so don't screw it up, just try to keep it in your pants for a few more days…"

"What stuff?" Kurt asks, curiously, before he quickly adds, "You know what? Scratch that. On second thought, I don't want to know, please don't tell me."

"Like _driving_, and…stuff," Rachel says at about the same time that Kurt asks what stuff and he hears Santana's laughter in the background again.

"Yeah, because I love seeing Rach drive!" Santana shouts in the background. "_Backwards_…at ten miles an hour! It's so hot!" Then Santana promptly dissolves in laughter before he hears Rachel move, and he hears a barely audible sound and Santana says, "Ow!"

"Oh, okay," Kurt says, making a face.

As Kurt says goodbye to Rachel, who expresses her gratitude again at Kurt saying yes to babysitting Suzie for the weekend, reminding him, "Remember, she's grounded, okay?" the phone rings again, and this time, it is Suzie.

"Hi, Uncle Kurt," Suzie greets now. "How are ya? How was work?"

"Hey," Kurt says. _So much for thinking I'll be able to get some rest_, Kurt thinks to himself. "I'm good, thanks. Work was fine. What's up?"

"Mom and Mee found out about…me beating up Bruce and that bet we have going," Suzie says now. "And I'm kind of grounded and stuff, too."

"Yes, I heard," Kurt says. "Sorry to hear that."

"I'm sorry, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says now.

"It's okay," Kurt says. "I'm just glad nobody else knows about Kirsten Hall."

"Aww, Kate wouldn't blab about that," Suzie says now.

"Did you guys make up?" Kurt asks now, curious. "What happened?"

Suzie sighs. "Yeah. Sort of. She thought I was asking that actress friend of yours out for me or something, which _eeww_. She's kind of _old_. I mean she's hot, but in a mom kind of hot way, but still, _old_ and _eeeww_. And I don't know, she was also pissed about the whole Dave thing, too. God only knows why. Girls, right?"

Kurt chuckles. "I still wouldn't know, but okay." Then he stops and asks, "Why were you asking Alanna then if she was free on the weekend?"

"I was asking her out for you, silly," Suzie says and Kurt could almost see Suzie rolling his eyes.

"What? Why?" Kurt asks, incredulous. "In case it has escaped your notice, Suzie, I'm gay, so asking Alanna out for me would be counter-productive."

"_Exactly_," Suzie reasons now. "If you go out with the ladies, it's fine, you won't lose our bet …and I think you shouldn't be alone and stuff, too, you know?"

"You're only asking her out because you want _another_ double date with Kate!" Kurt accuses her.

"Guilty!" Suzie says now, giggling.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "And yeah, about that," Kurt says now, "I can't believe you blabbed about that bet to your moms!"

"I'm sorry," Suzie whines apologetically. "But it wasn't me. Kate _told_ them, and so now I'm _grounded_. Ugh." Suzie is silent for a moment before she says, quite anxiously, "Does that mean we can't go out this weekend, Uncle Kurt? Because I kind of explained to Kate that the only reason I got that Dave guy to go out with us is so we can double date with you guys."

"Yeah, about _that_, too," Kurt begins. "Aside from the fact that you just tried to fix me up with a girl, which, _gross_, by the way, you just fixed me up with an unavailable guy because Dave's dating our producer, and I don't do guys who are already taken."

"Are they already married?" Suzie asks now.

Kurt stops. "Err, no, I don't think so. As far as I know, just dating."

"And you're one hundred percent they're dating?" Suzie quizzes him now.

"Well, it's just…talk. I haven't actually confirmed it or anything," Kurt says now.

"Well, there you go. As long as they're not married, they're still fair game," Suzie says matter-of-factly.

"Suzie!" Kurt chides her now. "I'm surprised at you! I don't remember you saying that about your mothers before they got married last year! You made life a living hell for anyone who even showed a hint of an interest in either of your moms! Especially that Miranda lady!"

"Hey! That was just the one time!" Suzie argues. "And anyway, my moms _aren't_ fair game. You know that. They're off limits to everyone else. No one comes between me and my moms!"

Kurt smiles. "I shudder at the thought of anyone trying to get between your moms with you around!"

"Damn straight!" Suzie says now, laughing.

Kurt automatically says, "Language, Suzie" before he realizes he's taken to getting Rachel's habits around the child as well. He shudders. He is spending way too much with his best friend and her family.

"Can I come to your work again, Uncle Kurt?" Suzie asks again, eager and excited. "That was kind of cool hanging out with you!"

"Only if you promise to _not_ to skip class again, or come on to my colleagues, male _or_ female," Kurt says now. "I mean, I have to work with these guys, Suzie, I don't want it to be all weird after!"

"Aaww, okay," Suzie says now. "Although I think it would be awesome if you hung out with Alanna. She seems cool. And looks Latina like me, sort of! Plus, I have the best ship name for you guys!"

"What ship name?" Kurt asks now, curious.

"Well, your character's name is Carey Houston, right? And her character's name is Selena Cruz, right?" Suzie asks. When Kurt impatiently acknowledges this, Suzie says, "Well, you guys could be like, Cruz plus Houston, so '_Crouton_' or something! I love croutons! Or we could ship your real names! Vergara plus Hall, becomes… 'Valhalla'! It's going to be epic!"

"Crouton? _Valhalla?_" Kurt asks now, disbelief in his voice. "Aren't you too young to be even watching 'True Delights'? That's like restricted or something for anyone below fourteen. Plus, I don't think those two characters will ever get together in the show."

"Oh, stranger things have happened," Suzie says now. "Plus, didn't I just tell you Kate is a genius with computers?"

"If she ever speaks to you again after that last stunt you pulled," Kurt points out.

"Darn it, you're right!" Suzie admits now. "I heard your babysitting me again, Uncle Kurt. Personally, I think I'm too old to be babysat, but can we watch True Delights when you come over? I mean wouldn't it be better if we watch it with an adult present than watch it without you guys present? And can Kate come over for a sleepover as well?"

Kurt already suspects this might be a bad idea, but he thinks maybe it is better that the girls watch the show with him around than having them sneaking around watching it behind their parents' back, so he sighs and says, "Okay."

Suzie squeals in delights and laughs. "Awesome! Can't wait to hang out with you, Uncle Kurt! Listen, I've got to go now, Kate and her mom are picking me up later, she's still not talking to me that much still, but she'll let her mom give me a ride to school so maybe I can sort of make peace with her some more or something, so I've got to go so take care!"

"Okay, Suzie, see you!"

Kurt has barely turned the phone off before he receives a text from Quinn and Sam.

"_Duuuuuude!_" Sam's text begins. "Heard about your bet with Suzie. Shouldn't have taken that bet. That kid's a hustler. You know you're going to lose, right? So I'm betting against you. Sorry. Good luck, though!" Then he receives another text from Sam, and this time, it is a shirtless photo of Sam giving Kurt the thumb's up sign. "Something to help distract you as you try to endure forty days of no sex. Of _any_ kind."

Kurt hisses under his breath as he replies. "You are such a jackass, Sam."

Sam replies with a smiley and a "Thanks. LOL."

A few seconds later, he receives another text, and this time, it is from Quinn. "Hey, Kurt, heard you're betting you can last forty days without sex. I doubt you'll actually last that long, let alone last a _week_ without sex! Nothing personal, I just have to bet against you. I'm with Santana on this one."

Later, he receives a text from Jeffrey, informing him he is rooting for him. "If I win, Quinn is on diaper duty _forever_, and I get to watch all the anime and sports games for as long as I want, so, don't screw it up! Make me proud, Kurt ol' boy!" Jeffrey says with a smiley in his text to Kurt's eye roll.

A few minutes later, Mike, Tina and Mercedes are also texting Kurt, informing him that they know about the bet as well and informing him whose side they are on. Mike and Tina are betting for him whilst Mercedes is betting against him. Mike informs him that to make it more interesting, he will design a temporary locked website that will monitor the number of days that Kurt has gone without sex and that their friends will be betting as to what day they think he will finally cave.

"I HATE ALL OF YOU," Kurt texts everyone, just to drive home the point, and to his consternation, everyone texts back with huge smiley faces, LOLs, LMFAOs and ROFLs.

When he opens his email, his blog, his myspace book, his beakr, in his mobile phone, he finds that most of the messages are from his friends, either teasing him, egging him on, or dissuading him with gifs and both appropriate and inappropriate pictures and videos and links. He repeats his previous message of declaring his hate for everyone before he logs out.

He falls asleep on the couch with his phone still buzzing excitedly, friends texting him and teasing him about his bet with Suzie.

* * *

The weekend rolls around and Kurt comes around to the Berry-Lopez household over at Greenburg Hill Gardens with DVDs of seasons of True Delights and some pizza and Suzie and Kate are both delighted to see him.

In the midst of watching True Delights, in which Suzie and Kate repeatedly announce that the plot, which they cannot follow, and which usually has no connection to the last episode, and no bearing on anything remotely resembling a story, is confusing, and the characters are very unlikeable, Kate falls asleep on Suzie's shoulder while Suzie gives up on watching the show and turns to Kurt and says, "This is the most awful show I have ever seen in my life. And that includes 'Family Guy'!"

Kurt only snorts in agreement.

"How was your week so far at work?" Suzie asks now, curious.

Kurt shrugs. "It was okay. Cameron is a jerk, he's so condescending and sexist and stuff but Kirsten kind of figured out a way to deal with him."

"Cool," Suzie says.

"Yeah, I mean, I kind of just do my thing, apologize to him, and he kind of just accepts it and we move on and everything is forgiven," Kurt says. "I think…I think Kirsten's a bit smarter than I am."

Suzie tilts her head. "How so?"

Kurt shrugs. "I don't know. I just feel it."

Suzie is quiet as she thinks about this and then she says, "What are you going to wear tomorrow? For your big date with Mr. Dave?"

Kurt shrugs. "I don't know."

"Aww, come on, it's your first date, it should be special," Suzie says now. "You should look special for him. I think you should wear that skirt with the cute little stripes and stuff, it makes you a bit taller, and maybe those heels that you…"

Kurt stares at her before he says, cutting Suzie off, "Okay, we're getting into a weird area here…"

"What?" Suzie asks. "You should look pretty for Mr. Dave. And for the love of god, please, please, don't wear that doily you almost wore last time!"

Kurt looks at her before he leans back on the chair opposite Suzie, shakes his head and says, "I can't believe I'm taking advice from a thirteen year old."

"Thirteen and a _half_, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says, rolling her eyes. "I wonder what Mee is doing in Washington now?"

Kurt shrugs. "I don't know. Do you want to call her or something?"

Suzie thinks about it now, then says, "Nah." She is silent before she says, "Did you know sexual intercourse in any position besides missionary is illegal in the nation's capital?"

"Err, no," Kurt says. "And how do you know about missionary?"

It is Suzie's turn to shrug. "No one would tell me about it, ever since Tio Carlos mentioned it that one time, so I went to the internet," Suzie says.

Kurt makes a face. "Gross."

"Did you know you must be married to have sex in Georgia?" Suzie continues now. "Anything else is a crime."

Kurt chuckles softly, shaking his head at Suzie. "You're really incorrigible, you know that?"

Suzie grins.

Kurt puts his hand out and ruffles Suzie's head. "I'm attributing this sudden interest in sex to your hormones," Kurt says. "But I think you should probably actually only start thinking about doing it when you're older and more mature and can deal with the consequences, and perhaps do it with someone you love, okay?"

Suzie sighs. "Okay. But I can still read up on it, can't I?"

Kurt laughs. As they both turn back to watch True Delights, he says, "Sure."

* * *

Kurt as Kirsten, Suzie and Kate, meet Dave at Coney Island that Saturday and it is actually better than Kurt expected. Whilst Kurt still has to wear a skirt, wig and heels, and scarf over his head as Suzie has reported that it might be windy, the girls are in shirts, jackets and jeans (well, Suzie is wearing a tee-shirt, Captain America one, as per usual and Kate is wearing a blouse). By the time they get to Coney Island, Kurt's feet are smarting from the pain, but he puts on a brave smile as they see Dave over at Nathan's. Dave smiles when he sees them, and waves as he sees them approaching.

"Hey," Dave says, nodding to Kirsten, Suzie and Kate.

"Hey, sorry we're late," Kurt says now.

Kurt notes that Dave has ditched the smart, expensive suit for dark jeans, a white, round-necked tee-shirt, a dark blue collared polo shirt and a black jacket and a nice pair of Hush Puppies loafers. As Dave stands tall near Kurt, Kurt can smell aftershave, body spray, mint toothpaste, soap and shampoo. Dave looks neat, clean, dark brown wavy hair kept clean and short and neatly combed and pleasantly ungelled.

Presently, Dave smiles, dark green eyes dancing with mirth as he says, "It's fine, I kind of almost got lost, so I just arrived, too."

Kurt only nods and they stand around Nathan's, people milling around them, the noise and laughter and general revelry of the Saturday crowd flowing around them.

"Hi, Mr. Dave," Suzie says now. "You look nice."

"Thanks," Dave says, beaming at the girl now.

"Yeah, like an adorable, cuddly bear," Suzie says to Dave now, grinning. "Isn't he handsome?" she asks Kurt now, turning to him and wriggling her eyebrows once, dark blue green eyes dancing with mischief.

Kurt resists the urge to roll his eyes but grudgingly admits that Dave _does_ look handsome in that adorable way that Suzie has just described. Kurt clears his throat and shifts to a higher voice as he says, "Yes, he does."

Dave blushes at the attention, not knowing what to say, before he clears his throat and asks Suzie, "So, where to now?"

"Rides, skeeball, shooting, bumper cars, haunted houses!" Suzie says now, matter-of-factly. "Not necessarily in that order."

Dave grins. "Lead the way, Suzie."

The first thing they do, the bumper cars, are a bust. Suzie takes to driving the bumper car and takes to bumping against other cars like a fish to water, laughing and squealing and making a face and a fist pump whenever she bumps into another car, mostly Kurt's or Dave's, whereas Kate only looks displeased and is clearly not enjoying it, so they do not stay long driving bumper cars.

They next go and shoot moving objects at booths with pellet guns and Suzie and Dave try to one-up each other as Kate and Kurt roll their eyes on the side. When Dave shoots every moving thing in sight, Suzie rolls her eyes and says, "Beginner's luck!" as Dave laughs and accepts the fluffy bunny that the proprietor gives him as she tries her hand at shooting as well. She finds she is not as good as Dave and as she returns the gun to the owner, she says, "Never liked guns anyway. Or shooting stuff."

"Yeah, but you like the idea of electrocuting people," Kurt mutters to her and Suzie shrugs.

Dave grins, leans over to Kurt and asks, "Do you want this bunny?"

Kurt smiles and waves a hand, saying, "It's okay. I've outgrown the whole stuffed toy stage anyway."

Dave smiles and says, "Okay if I give it to Suzie instead?" When Kurt nods his approval, Dave turns to Suzie and presents the fluffy bunny to her, saying, "You can have this, if you want?"

Suzie looks at the bunny and makes a face, saying, "I'm…not a big fan of bunnies, Mr. Dave. I don't get them. I mean, what's with all the carrots? Why do they need such good eyesight for?"

Dave and Kurt look at her, puzzled, before Dave throws back his head and laughs. "You're one strange kid, you know that?"

Suzie smiles at him and says, softly, "Can Kate have it instead though? She likes bunnies."

Dave nods and says, "Okay". He offers the bunny to the other girl and Kate accepts it with delight in her hazel eyes. "Thank you, sir." As she looks at the bunny with adoration in her eyes, Kate offers the bunny to Dave and says, "But can you hold on to it for me, for a while please? I might lose it."

Dave smiles and says, "Sure."

The next thing they go to is the haunted house. Kurt already knows this is just one big pretext for Suzie to cop a feel and he gives Suzie a thumb's up as they enter the "House of Horrors", whilst he and Dave wait outside, drinking soda and some popcorn. They don't really have a chance to actually chat, as the place is noisy, with people screaming, laughing, whistling, running around them, so they content themselves with standing around, waiting for the two girls to come out of the building. When the two girls do come out, Suzie looks delighted and Kate looks slightly bored and not at all scared.

"Where to now?" Dave asks the girls as he twirls the bunny in his hand and Suzie grins and says, "Ferris wheel!" without batting an eyelash.

So the four troop to the Ferris Wheel as Suzie and Dave get into a spirited discussion on who they think should be paired up on 'True Delights'.

"Aww, come on, Aunt Kirsten's Carey Houston should totally get it on with Alanna Vergara's character, that Selena Cruz lady," Suzie is saying now, "I mean, seriously they have the best ship name _ever_."

Kurt who is walking alongside them, rolls his eyes and tells Dave now, "Sorry, Dave, just humor my niece."

Dave just smiles. "It's fine." He turns to Suzie and asks, "What ship name?"

"Crouton!" Suzie says now, triumphantly. "Or Valhalla!"

Dave laughs. "Crouton for the win!" he says. "Although Valhalla is really quite tempting."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Please don't encourage her."

"What?" Suzie asks now. "It totally makes sense! I'm totally making a gif about that! Carey Houston can't be paired with Chad Claus 'cause that character's such a jerk and all the others don't make sense, too!" They are quiet for a few seconds before Suzie speaks up again. "Mr. Dave, I have other questions for you, too."

"Oh, god, can somebody please shut her up please?" Kurt says now.

Kate shrugs and throws up her hand in surrender as Suzie smirks. "Like, why are all the main characters in that show all white? Why is the story line so boring? Why is that show still on the air? And on a related note, why is it that whenever I watch that show, it makes me want to grab a fork and stab it in somebody's thigh?"

Dave laughs as Kurt looks at her in horror. "Suzie!"

Dave says, "It's fine. I'm not allowed to say anything bad, it's practically in my contract, but you have many valid points."

Suzie grins, then she says, "Mr. Dave…"

"Just, Dave, is fine, Suzie," Dave says now.

Suzie looks stricken. "But Mr. Dave, my mom and Mee and _mi Abuela_ say I have to be polite at all times."

Dave grins. "Alright, Uncle Dave then, if you want."

Suzie grins. "Awesome. Say, Uncle Dave, did you know kissing for more than a minute is illegal in Halethorpe, Maryland?"

Dave looks at her and smiles, clearly amused at Suzie. "No, I did not know that."

"Nor do we need to know about it," Kurt says now.

Suzie nods her head vigorously as Kate rolls her eyes. "It's true though," Suzie says.

Suzie rolls her eyes. "But isn't it cool though that you can kiss Aunt Kirsten for more than a minute in this great state of ours if you want to?" she says with a playful grin.

Dave and Kurt now stop in their tracks as they contemplate and blush at what Suzie has said. Suzie only smiles as she skips ahead with Kate in tow.

They all continue to talk as they approach the Ferris Wheel, and everything seems alright, until they see the wheel looming just a few yards away, and Suzie stops and stares, mouth open and Kurt stops as well and asks, "What's the matter? You okay?"

Suzie shakes her head and swallows and says, "Nothing."

Kurt grins. "You chicken?"

Suzie frowns at him and says, "_No_," stretching the word longer than is necessary.

Kurt snorts and smirks as he proceeds to the Ferris Wheel and Suzie runs up to him and they all proceed to the ride. The line is long, but eventually, they all secure seats on the Ferris Wheel.

Dave lets Kurt enter the entrance first, and let Kurt sit on their car first before he does. Kurt notices that Dave actually always opens doors for him, or steps aside to let him pass, or moves to the danger side of the sidewalk. Kurt also notices how Dave keeps an eye on the girls, always looking them over, making sure they are not out of his sight.

Suzie and Kate get into one car first and lifts them above the ground to the two girls' delight, whilst Kurt and Dave get another into another car. Everything seems okay at first, but then as the car lurches and lifts them off the ground, Kurt's heart suddenly lurches as well, starts to beat fast, whilst he feels a dizziness overtake him as his hands grow cold and he doesn't realize he is nervous until Dave leans over, the smell of after shave and cologne apparent as he asks, "Are you okay? You're looking kind of green."

Kurt shakes his head. "Um, no, not really. I kind of just realized…I mean _remembered_ that I'm afraid of heights."

"Oh," Dave says.

As the car lurches again, taking them even higher and Kurt accidentally glances below and sees the people and buildings getting smaller and smaller, Dave says, "Don't look down. Just…take deep breaths."

Kurt lifts his gaze and finds himself staring in the distance and he sees the beach, and ships and boats and even tinier people and for some strange reason, what he thinks of is the thought of the Ferris Wheel suddenly crashing against the boardwalk, in some freak storm accident, and he finds this is not helping him at all. His heart speeds up even more, his hands go eve clammier, his throat goes dry, he feels the world slowly spin as he clings to the car rails.

Through the haze of panic and nervousness and nausea and fear that wash through him, he can hear Dave saying, "Kirsten." Dave repeats the name "Kirsten" a few more times before Kurt realizes he is referring to him and he looks up and finds Dave's hand on Kurt's arm. Dave repeats the question, "Are you okay?"

Kurt shakes his head, wild fear in his eyes, and Dave's eyes are full of concern and worry, "We'll be down in a second, just hang on a bit." Dave removes his hand from Kurt's arm and Kurt finds that he would like the comforting warmth of Dave's hand on his arm again. He finds himself blushing at the thought.

Kurt swallows and nods his head yes as he closes his eyes to try to make the world stop spinning. He feels the wind on his face, on his hair, and he is glad he has fastened his wig to his head with a lot of bobby pins and a scarf over his head.

Presently, Kurt notices that the car isn't moving _at all_, and he looks up to where Suzie and Kate are seated, and he notices their car is not moving at all either.

"What's happening?" Kurt says now. "Why aren't we moving?"

Dave shakes his head. "I don't know."

"Oh god, we're stuck here, aren't we?" Kurt says now, panicking again, voice rising even higher in terror. "We're stuck here and there's going to be some big, freak storm or something and we're going to die…We're going to _die!_"

Kurt scrambles to get up but thankfully he is buckled so he cannot really get up and Dave grabs hold of his arm to pull him back down.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Dave says now as he pulls Kurt back down. "Take it easy, Kirsten. We're going to be on the ground soon."

"When? Now? When? I can't…I have to…" Kurt says now, looking around wildly. When Dave reaches out to hold his arm again, Kurt says, "You don't understand, I can't _be_ here."

Dave calmly looks at him, nods and doesn't say anything. He instead looks up and must have seen something there because he nudges Kurt and says, "Hey, check it out."

Kurt looks up and sees Suzie pretending to stretch, her arms up in the air, before her right arm goes down to the back of the car, near Kate's shoulder and then Suzie's right hand slowly and casually drops to Kate's right shoulder. Kurt forgets himself for a moment as he stares up, holding his breath, waiting for something to happen. It is as if Suzie and Kate are suspended in time, and they do not move for what seems like hours, before Kate shifts and moves closer to Suzie and she lays her head on Suzie's shoulder.

"That's my girl," Kurt mutters now, feeling a smile spread on his face as he looks up at them.

He watches as Suzie remains motionless for a while before her head shifts and she lays her head on Kate's one and tightens her arm on Kate's shoulder.

_Aaww_, Kurt thinks now, finding the moment between the two girls sweet and touching. He feels a bit like he is intruding on a very intimate moment between the girls though so he tries to lower his gaze and he looks at something level to his gaze.

Dave is silent beside him before he speaks up. "So _that_ move actually works."

Kurt looks at him now and there is a sheepish smile on his face, like this should have been obvious to him right from the beginning. Kurt has a questioning look on his face.

Dave shrugs. "I didn't think that move actually worked."

Kurt smiles a half-smile, a wary smile, before he asks, "Why? Didn't it work for you?"

Dave is silent for a while, staring up at the girls, before he slowly looks at Kurt and shrugs and says, "Guys aren't really into that stuff. They think it's lame or something."

When Kurt doesn't say anything, Dave says, apologetically, "I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier. I'm gay. I'm sort of dating that producer, Bryan Cameron? On True Delights." When Kurt doesn't say anything, Dave says, "Well, I don't know what we are now, but yeah."

Kurt is silent for a while and Dave must have mistaken his silence for annoyance because Dave immediately says, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lie to you or lead you on or anything."

Kurt manages to smile because there is a look of genuine regret on Dave's face. "It's fine. Although I wouldn't have known if you hadn't told me."

Dave shrugs. "Yeah. A lot of people think I'm not gay enough or something. I still don't get why Cher and Lady Gaga and Julie Newmar and Barbara Streisand are big gay icons…and my eyes glaze over every time Super Bowl comes around but yeah…"

Kurt laughs. "Ah, so you're that kind of gay?"

Dave chuckles. "Yeah. That kind of gay. Sorry."

Kurt is quiet as he takes this in. "Okay." They fall silent again, before Kurt speaks up again. "You're kind of old-fashioned, too, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry?" Dave asks now, unsure about what Kurt has just said.

Kurt shrugs. "I mean, you're always opening and closing doors for me and walking on the danger side of the street and stuff."

Dave smiles sheepishly before he says, "I'm sorry. I know women now are supposed to be empowered and feminist and stuff, and I completely understand that, it's just…" and here Dave shrugs again, "My grandmother? I lived with her for a while, and she told me, holding doors for people? Walking on the danger side of the street? It's not about being sexist or macho or anything. It's just being considerate and polite, you know?"

Kurt nods as he takes this in. Suddenly Dave smiles again, a genuine smile this time and he says, "Plus there was this one girl I knew? From high school? Her name was Santana, and she was one crazy ass…well, bitch…and she was always kind of making people do whatever the hell she wanted and we used to date and stuff? She used to call me on my shit too, and she would say the same thing, too. She told me once, it wouldn't hurt me if I just tried to be nicer to people or something."

"She told you that?" Kurt asks him, already feeling tickled at the thought that Dave Karofsky just described Santana Lopez, Rachel Berry's wife, a crazy ass bitch, which, in some ways, is true. But Kurt is also fascinated by the idea that Santana Lopez had actually done Dave Karofsky some good as well.

Presently, Dave says, "Yeah. She was always on me about being so angry and being such a bully and a jerk in high school." Dave stops and thinks about it for a while before he says, "Granted she dated me because she was trying to hide the fact that she was gay, too and she had this crazy ass scheme that involved getting her girlfriend back and getting this other kid from a rival school back into our school so the kid could sing in their Glee Club again, and she made me form this anti-bullying club with her and she threatened to out me if I didn't go along with her schemes, but yeah… That kid she wanted back in her club? He described her as some kind of Latina Eve Harrington."

Kurt doesn't know why but he finds himself smiling inwardly at this. He doesn't know if it's some latent sentimentality or nostalgia for those now seemingly simpler times but he finds himself suddenly wistful for high school, when he didn't have to worry about jobs and he didn't have to dress up to get or keep a job, and the biggest problem he's ever had was bullying. Granted it was a terrible thing to have gone through in high school - but still, looking back at it, it seems so long ago now.

Kurt leans back now and says, "So tell me more about this… Santana and her crazy ass schemes."

Dave laughs now. "Oh, if I tell you all the schemes she did in high school, we'd be here all day!" he says. "But she was always on me about being rude and stuff like that. She was kind of really hot, too. Like JLo and Eva Mendez and Salma Hayek hot."

"You sure you're gay?" Kurt teases him now. "You just described her as hot."

Dave laughs. "Yeah, in a bossy, little sister kind of way," he explains. "We hung out a few times. She made me join this gay and lesbian club just so we could kind of deal with being gay together. She and her girlfriend were kind of in a bad place at that time, so. We would have continued going to that gay and lesbian club, but that girl from Santana's Glee Club, the one she calls hobbit, dropped by one time and that freaked Santana out so we stopped going. We just started watching a lot of gay and lesbian movies together and talk about it a bit and stuff. I think that helped me a bit. But then she got outed by this jackass in school and all went to hell. I kind of wanted to help her out then, but I was terrified myself. Freaked me out." Dave stops now and thinks about it. "Last time I saw her was in high school. We kind of lost touch. I wonder if she ever ended up with that girlfriend of hers."

Kurt nods. He remembers what happened to Santana then, when they were in high school. Is ashamed to admit he did nothing about it, too, except sing to her about it. He wishes he hadn't listened to his former stepbrother then, when he had told Kurt Santana had deserved to be outed, _needed_ to be outed, wished he hadn't listened to his ex-boyfriend too, his ex-boyfriend who suggested needlessly singing that stupid song to Santana after she had been outed. His former stepbrother had been mean to Santana then, he had not only outed Santana, he'd told Santana Brittany probably didn't even love her. He wishes he'd been made of firmer stuff then, had stood up to his stepbrother then, but high school was high school, where friendships and relationships and allegiances were formed and broken at the snap of a finger, where kids were kids and they were selfish and self-absorbed and never cared for anyone else but themselves. And he had been one of those people, he admits now. Funnily enough, the ones he had never thought he'd stay friends with this long, Santana, Sam, Quinn, Tina, Mike, end up being his long-time friends. And much as he had initially disliked Rachel's seemingly random decision to start dating Santana (she and Santana refuse to talk about how they got together in the first place anyway and this remains a mystery to everyone else but the two), Santana has proven time and time again, that she can be a friend if she wanted to be. And this makes him regret not having been the friend she needed back then, in high school.

He looks at Dave now and remembers what happened to Dave after. Dave had been outed himself and had attempted suicide himself. He asks, "How'd she find out you were gay anyway? Did you come out to her?"

Dave shakes his head. "Apparently it takes one to know one. She saw me checking someone's ass out, so. Well, she caught me 'leering' at someone, so."

"Ah," Kurt says, not knowing what else to say.

"In my defense, that was some pretty hot prime piece of ass," Dave says now.

_Gross_, Kurt thinks to himself. He hopes Dave wasn't checking his ass out. "I hope he was cute."

"It was this guy from our football team," Dave continues.

_I really hope you weren't checking me out_, Kurt says to himself.

"He used to date Santana, actually," Dave says now.

_Ah,_ Kurt thinks, relieved.

"I actually had my eye on this other guy though, but he was taken, so," Dave says now. "And he didn't like me. He _hated_ me, in fact. I kind of bullied him and I was a jerk and an asshole to him so I couldn't really blame him for turning me down. He was just…like the first guy I kind of liked and that freaked me out and I suddenly didn't know what to do with all these _things_ going on inside me." Dave looks away now, looking like he is seeing it all again, in his mind's eye.

Kurt is silent, not knowing what to say, vaguely remembering the fear Dave had engendered in him back then, before he says, "Well, his loss, not yours. He was a jerk for turning you down. You seem like a nice young man."

Dave looks at him now and smiles. "Oh, I don't know about that. I wasn't a nice person in high school. I had no choice really. It was a small town. People don't take to gay people too well there. Had to do what I had to do to survive. I vowed to leave that place as soon as I could. Thank you though." Then he shrugs and says, "Anyway, that was a long time ago. Doesn't really matter now. It got better once I started talking to a counselor about my…anger management and self-loathing issues."

Dave smiles at this for a moment and they fall silent again. It is then Kurt realizes his heartbeat has turned back to normal and that he is feeling better. He doesn't understand it, but he feels like he wants to thank Dave for this. At about the same time, the car lurches and it moves again and Dave's hand automatically goes to Kurt's arm.

"Are you going to be okay?" Dave asks.

Kurt nods, although his heart starts to speed up again.

"Don't worry about it," Dave says. "If things get worse, I'll start singing to distract you."

"What?" Kurt asks now.

"I'm told my really bad singing does wonders for people who have never known the meaning of torture before," Dave says now.

In spite of himself, Kurt finds himself laughing.

"Or I could totally dance for you," Dave continues. "Because if there's something worse than my singing, it's my dancing."

Kurt laughs some more. He remembers Dave as being not that bad of a dancer, in high school, so he says, "Oh, I'm sure you were not all that bad."

"Oh, you haven't seen monumental bad dancing til you've seen my dancing!" Dave says now. "There was this one time, I started dancing, and it actually started _raining_."

Kurt throws back his head now and roars. Dave grins and says, "Yeah, my friends call it my acid rain dance."

Kurt shakes his head now. "That's just ridiculous."

Dave shrugs and smiles. Kurt sees the mirth dancing in his deep green eyes as he smiles.

"So, what were you supposed to sing?" Kurt asks now.

"Well, I may be gay, but I'm so not into show tunes. I actually prefer rock. But it's the song that's been playing in my head for some time now, I know it's totally inappropriate, but…" Dave says. Before Kurt could say anything, he starts singing,

"_Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight  
Gonna grab some afternoon delight.  
My motto's always been, when it's right, it's right.  
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.  
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.  
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way."_

Kurt stares at him as he sings in his off-key voice and he starts laughing as Dave gets to the chorus.

_"Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Aaaaafternoon delight…"_

When Dave stops singing, Kurt shakes his head and says, "That was awful. _Awful_."

Dave looks at him apologetically. "I'm sorry."

Kurt shakes his head. "It's fine."

"Would you prefer I amuse you with some boy band singing?" Dave jokes now. "I do a pretty mean rendition of Backstreet Boy's 'As Long As You Love Me'. Or maybe Vanilla Ice's 'Ice, Ice, Baby'."

Kurt rolls his eyes and laughs. "Your coolness factor just went down a few more notches," he teases Dave.

"Sorry," Dave says, smiling, "I'm from Ohio, _of course_ I have bad taste in music. I'm just a small-town boy, living in a lonely world. I took the midnight train going anywhere…"

Kurt knits his brows. "I'm pretty sure that's a song," he says now.

Dave laughs. "Yes, it is, I'm ashamed to admit. Journey was kind of a big thing in Ohio. Anyway, my friend Santana once told me that the trick to talking to girls is to make it all about them, not about me, so enough about me, tell me more about yourself."

Dave grins as he says this last part and Kurt cannot quite explain it but there's something about the way Dave's dark green eyes are looking at him that makes Kurt swallow and hesitate and almost want to tell him the truth right then and there, but he manages to say, "There's really nothing much to say about me. I'm just a small-town girl, too."

His voice trails off, and he doesn't know what else to say, so he averts his gaze, tearing his gaze away from Dave's soft green eyes to stare off into the distance.

Dave is quiet for a while before his face brightens up considerably as he says, "Sorry you're stuck with me, but hey, look on the bright side though. We're here."

And as Dave motions with his head, Kurt looks down and he sees that they are, in fact, on the ground now, and Suzie and Kate are waiting for them on the grounds.

They wait as one of the Ferris Wheel people help them off the car and as they get up, Kurt says, "Thank you."

Dave grins. "For what?"

Kurt shrugs. "Just…thank you."

Dave's grin turns wider. "Well, thank _you_."

It is Kurt's turn to knit his eyebrows and look at Dave, puzzled. "For what?"

"For listening," Dave says now. "Never actually had a female friend though. I mean, aside from Santana in high school. I think she was actually the only real friend I had, strange as that may sound. I mean, she accepted me for who I was and stuff. It's hard to make friends in Hollywood, as you know."

Kurt smiles. "Any time."

As they join Suzie and Kate, who greet the two men with identical contented, happy smiles on their faces, they all decide hotdogs on buns and an afternoon stroll on the beach are in order. As they troop to the nearest hotdog stand, Kurt notes that Kate is holding Suzie's hand and she never lets go, only doing so to accept the hotdog bun offered to her and the two girls share the sandwich, Kate feeding Suzie with this loving expression on her face as she reaches up and wipe ketchup and mustard away from Suzie's cheek. Occasionally, Kate would lean over and whisper something to Suzie, and Suzie would look at her and smile with complete adoration on her face. Suzie would lean over and whisper something in turn and Kate would giggle and smile at her, shaking her head. Dave and Kurt stay a respectful distance, occasionally glancing at the two girls whilst they talk or stand beside each other in companionable silence as they eat their sandwiches.

The Saturday crowd has thinned, Kurt notes, and the late afternoon sun is casting a lazy, warm autumn orange glow on the boardwalk, where they are. A few people, some couples, some parents with their children, people holding balloons, or food, or toys are walk around the boardwalk. A soft breeze blows and Kurt shivers and he curses the skirt Suzie had talked him into wearing and the heels on his feet, which are still killing him. He marvels at the energy of the two girls as he himself feels tired but he finds the skirt and heels and make-up worth it because the day hadn't turned out so bad. It is good actually. And he is actually enjoying himself. With Dave Karofsky. Who is now standing beside him, balancing Kate's bunny and a sandwich in his hands. Kurt reaches out and wordlessly takes the bunny, and Dave sighs in thanks as he proceeds to eat the sandwich hungrily. From this vantage point, Kurt appreciates the sight of Dave Karofsky, still looking as fit and healthy as he did in high school, still pretty much looking the teddy bear that Suzie had just described him. There is a gentleness to his movements that Kurt notices now, and looking back to their day together, he is surprised he hadn't noticed this before. He smiles inwardly at the thought.

Once they are done eating sandwiches, all four troop to the beach and they spend the rest of the afternoon there, Dave and Kurt sitting on the sand, watching the two girls a few yards off, walk near the surf, holding each other's hands, as they walk down along the beach, until all Kurt and Dave can see are the two girls as faint dots down the beach. Kurt and Dave sit silently beside each other, watching the sea gulls lazily flying around in the sky, and the few beach strollers, some with their children, some with their loved ones, or their dogs, as they walk along the beach. When a cold, late afternoon autumn breeze blows through them and Kurt shivers through his jacket, and skirt, Dave automatically removes his jacket and puts it on Kurt's shoulders. Kurt looks up and smiles at him. Dave smiles back. When the girls turn back and head back to where Kurt and Dave are sitting on the sand, Suzie has her arm around Kate's shoulder and Kate's head is resting on Suzie's shoulder. They take a seat beside them, and they all watch the sun set over the horizon together.

All in all it is a great way to end a good Saturday and Kurt is surprised, at the end of the day, how much he has enjoyed spending it with Dave and the girls.

No, it wasn't a bad day at all.

And when Kurt goes home, all he can hear in his head, for some strange reason, is the song "Afternoon Delight"...

* * *

_**Author's end notes:**_

_**That's it for this chapter! Thanks for reading and reviewing Chapter 3! Your kind reviews are welcome and will be much appreciated.**_

_**At this point I'd like to thank my beta, DragonsWillFly, for going over the many drafts of this chapter (yes, all fifty of 'em!hahah!) before giving me the go-signal to release it. Thanks beta! Without your patient editing, this would, as per usual, have more punctuation and other errors than is necessary! :)**_

_**Also, I'd like to thank everyone for reviewing Chapter 2. I'm quite surprised at all the people who liked my addition of Dave Karofsky in this story, including my beta, and I'm even more surprised that your reasons for Dave's inclusion is the same reason I'm including him. I liked his story in Glee. It may have felt a bit contrived at first, but there was, as one of you described it, something compelling about him, his story and his dynamic with Kurt and I wanted to explore that as Glee never actually explored that. I struggled with this chapter, because though I have the story in my head, I wanted it organic as well. I've finally found the balance I want, and the thing is, I'd like this story to also be a reflection of Rachel and Santana's relationship, but from Kurt's point of view. I wanted to explore how the best friend views them as well. Also, I know I mention canon a lot, but please note I've stopped watching as from Season 4 and I'll only mention canon where it is suitable and this verse and the stories, violently veer away from the direction Season 4 of the show is taking our favorite characters (which is down the drain, really). :)**_

_**So, anyway, hope you liked that balance and this chapter! And I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it and as much as my beta enjoyed going over it! ;)**_

_**Now on to your comments:**_

_**To brianasmith - Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Glad you are enjoying it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, as well! ;)**_

_**To pictureofsuccess - Hi! Welcome to this verse! First off, I'd like to thank you for reading and reviewing "The Learning Curve", your heartwarming comments were much appreciated. Second off, thanks for reading this story as well. Thanks for favoriting this story, although I'm bummed it took the place of "The Learning Curve". Haha! Just kidding. Thanks for loving the Kurt and Suzie dynamic - I thought it would be fun to throw this two together in one fic, because I do like writing OCs that are fun (as I haven't read OCs in the Glee verse that were fun) and the potential for a nice friendship between the two is always there. As for Dave, yes, I agree that there is something endlessly compelling about the Kurt and Dave dynamic, too. Yes, Sam owning a sweat suit also amuses us. hahah! Hope this chapter does not disappoint as well! Cheers!**_

_**To kutee - Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing Chapter 2. Hope you liked this chapter, too! Re: Suzie is a genius. I heartily agree. :-) Glad you liked the inclusion of Dave in this story. I hope this chapter suffices, in regards to seeing a lot of Suzie. :) As for writing "The Tao of Suzie". Hahaha! Now you've put it in my head! Noooo! ;) I do love the original "Tao Te Ching". Let me think about it. Hahaha! Can't promise anything though. I have too many stories in my head at the moment. Glee just makes it too easy for me to write them. hahah!**_

_**To MelovePezberry - Hey! Welcome back! Thanks for reading and reviewing. This verse has missed you. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing Chapters 1 and 2 of this story. Glad you liked the dark, but glad you also liked the Suzie and Kurt team! ;) Yes, Suzie's kind of inadvertently the heart of this verse now, like an extension of Brittany, as I liked the idea of Brittany as the emotional fulcrum of Glee, circa Season 2,but that all went to hell, so. :) As for your favorite lines - haha! That made me smile. Hope this chapter adds to your favorite lines, too! Hope you liked this chapter!**_

_**To parker88 - Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Yes, Kurt in drag - it was only a matter of time! hahaah! That was missed opportunity on the show. And also because if they ever do a remake of Tootsie, Kurt Hummel is their man! And yes, of course, Suzie would rope him into dressing in drag and buying him another hamster. I also do have a soft spot for Dave, too. Glad you liked his addition in this story. Hope you liked this chapter, too! Cheers!**_

_**Song/s featured for this story:**_

_**"Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band (because it just seemed cute and so random and funny to have that be sung by Dave mid-air while they're stuck in a car in a Ferris Wheel hahah!)**_


	4. Game Over

**_Author's note: Dear readers, here is Chapter 4. Thank you for your patience. I can't really describe this chapter, but just in case, be warned, it has a bit of darkness, coarse language, (extremely) mild (but not traumatic, mind!) violence and much intellectual talkiness "Before Sunrise" style and some meta. If you're not into that stuff, you may skip this chapter. :-) Okay, you've been warned. Read at your own risk. Enjoy! And also, Kung Hei Fat Choi! _:)**

* * *

The bet with Suzie starts out easily, innocently, _innocuously_ enough. Swear off any and all kinds of sex for forty days and forty nights, no big deal. And it is alright for the first few days.

But he has underestimated his body and its urges though - and how it would respond after a few days without sex. The spirit is willing. But unfortunately, the flesh is weak. And by the second week, the flesh starts to show signs of weakening.

It starts with the fact that even Carlos, Santana's brother, has heard of the bet and has texted him to say he's in on the bet, betting against him, because, as Carlos says, half-teasingly, "I know you're gay and all, but I'm a guy and I know I've never lasted _that_ long." The pot for the bet, in the temporary website that Mike had set-up, has grown, and Sam keeps sending him racy photos of himself in red boxer shorts, or half-naked photos of Kurt's favorite Hollywood actors, Gerard Butler, Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth.

And then there's Dave. Dave Karofsky. Whom he, as Kirsten Hall, sees every single day looking all nice and pleasant and surprisingly more good-looking every single day in, what Kurt has noticed, are a very impressive number of professional suits that make him look even more attractive as he comes to the set and confers with Bryan Cameron, or Irene Keener or Michael James, or laugh and joke with the staff or actors, establishing such an easy camaraderie with everyone that one could easily forget that he once terrorized McKinley High all those many years ago, much like Santana did before she came out and finally got together with Brittany.

And the thing with Dave Karofsky is he is always, always nice and pleasant to Kirsten Hall, always ready with a winning smile, a smile that reaches up to his dark green eyes as he greets Kurt a cheerful "Good afternoon" or "Good evening" or "Hey, Kirsten!" And the worst of it is that Dave sometimes expands on his niceness and would have a box of donuts with him as he says, "Hey Kirsten! Want some Krispy Kreme?" or some Baskin and Robbins or some Yellow Cab pizza for him and the other actors while they are in the dressing room, Dave easily being able to chat with Alanna, Helen, Alice and the others like he has known them his whole life, a quiet, easy charm making the women grin and laugh along with him over small, insignificant things. And sometimes, when Dave is speaking, Kurt finds himself staring surreptitiously at the other man, finding the roundness of his face, his dark green eyes, his lips, the way he holds himself, tall and erect and sure of himself, perfected from years of playing sports, quite endearing and, in the course of his stint at 'True Delights', quite adorable.

Once, when Kurt is shooting a particularly light scene with Alanna that ends with Kurt ad-libbing his line and saying, "Sex is not dating", borrowing the line from Santana, and Alanna gamely replies, "We are so breaking up", he sees Bryan Cameron throw up his hands in exasperation, on his spot in his director's chair, whilst Michael James and Irene Keener and the others are trying to stifle their snickering, whilst Dave, who is standing behind Michael James and Irene Keener is smiling at Kurt. Cameron whips his head around and effectively glares everyone down to silence. Once the scene is done, everyone moves off to set the next scene, actors going over their lines, crew working on their tasks and as Kurt moves off to head to wardrobe, Dave moves up to him, a grin on his face, and says, "As always, great job, Miss Hall."

"Thank you, Mr. Karofsky," Kurt says, smiling, unconsciously batting his eyelashes and smiling, making Dave make a strange, unsure face before smiling again.

Kurt smiles back, blushing, when he realizes he has been trying out flirting with Dave and that Dave may have unconsciously noticed it. He nods and decides to start walking towards wardrobe.

"Where are you headed now?" Dave asks.

"Wardrobe."

"Oooh, wardrobe, awesome," Dave jokes now. "My favorite."

"Oh, god, you _are_ gay," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.

"What? Say what you will about True Delights, they do dress their actors nice," Dave says. Dave sees a wardrobe staff pushing a rack of men's dark suits and Dave pulls out a dark blue one and a dark gray one and puts it up in front of Kurt now and asks, "What do you think? If my apartment is burning and I need to save only one suit, which one should I take?"

Kurt stares at Dave and says, "Dave, the correct answer to that is, _yourself_."

Dave laughs as he puts the suits back on the rack. "You're no fun. We should totally go shopping sometime…"

"_Very_ gay," Kurt says now, smiling.

"I'm dying to get a New York Giants jersey," Dave says now, with a grin, "And maybe a New York baseball cap or something."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "You can do that by yourself. You don't need me to show you around."

Dave grins him a winning but sheepish smile. "Um, I was kind of hoping you could take me to something nice, like the New York baseball stadium or something. Or the Met or something like that."

"I knew there was something else," Kurt says, smiling.

"Sorry. I love my sports."

"Lame pretext though, Dave," Kurt says. "Lame. I mean, asking me to show you around? Via shopping? For a New York Giants jersey? Or maybe a baseball cap? Wait, what?"

Dave laughs. "Sorry." Then he smiles and says, "I had an awesome time with you guys at Coney Island. Maybe we should hang out again sometime?"

Kurt should have said no, should have vehemently, adamantly said no, can already guess this can only end badly, for Dave, or for him, or both, but he has this curiosity about Dave that makes him say yes instead.

Dave grins at Kurt before he notices Kurt's script, which he is clutching to his chest. "What's that?" Dave asks curiously.

Kurt wonders what Dave is asking before she realizes Dave is asking about the sketches Kurt has done on the back of his script.

"Oh, this?" Kurt asks casually, turning the script around to look at the sketches himself. Sometimes, when he gets bored while waiting to shoot his scene, he doodles on the back of his script, designing rough sketches of evening gowns, women's blouses, women's pants, hats and coats.

Dave takes towards Kurt, standing so near Kurt that he can smell Dave's aftershave as the other man looks over his shoulder, and says, "Those are really good." Then Dave tilts his head and says, "Except for that one. Are those slabs of steak on that woman's gown?"

Kurt blushes and laughs sheepishly. "Yeah, it's a nod to Lady Gaga's sense of style. I absolutely adore her."

Dave laughs. "_Oooh_-kay." Then he says, "Not a Lady Gaga kind of person, but that stuff's pretty creative. What are those stuff on that other woman's gown?"

Kurt is silent for a moment before he says, even more embarrassed, "Chocolates."

When Dave looks at him, confused, Kurt says, self-consciously, "Um, I must admit I went overboard with this one, but I was craving some chocolates, and I kind of ended up designing this instead."

Dave grins.

Kurt says, "What? It's not as easy as it looks. You actually have to achieve a harmony between texture and body temperature and stuff, make sure the chocolate doesn't melt as the model sashays down the runway."

"What kind of chocolates are they?"

"Now you're just making fun of me."

"No, I'm not. Just curious," Dave says, with a smile on his face and a glint of mischief in his dark green eyes.

Kurt grins. "Belgian chocolates. Belgium has the best chocolate in the world."

"Cool," Dave says, "When you're hungry, you can eat your gown."

Before Kurt can protest, Dave points at one of Kurt's designs on the page, and asks, "What's that?"

"Oh, that's ruffles, some silk, some tulle…"

"Wow, never seen so much fluff on one woman," Dave comments, "You sure if a breeze blows the woman will not be blown away?"

When Kurt stops and thinks for a moment, before he realizes Dave is teasing him.

"And yes, the pun _was_ intended," Dave says, before he explodes in uncontrollable laughter and Kurt shakes his head and finds himself grinning despite himself.

"Sorry, I'm a pretty boring guy with boring tastes. I'd much prefer clothes that won't melt in either my mouth or my hand, or clothes that flies won't attack or, you know, take off when a slight breeze blows, taking me with it, Mary Poppins style," Dave quips.

Before he knows it, Kurt is discussing, rather forcefully and passionately, with Dave the aesthetic advantages of the excessive use of ruffles, silk and tulle, as well as confection and livestock on one's dress, to Dave's amusement. Though Dave finds the whole thing unusual, he listens attentively to Kurt and asks questions and shows interest in what Kurt has to say.

In the middle of their discussion, Dave smiles fondly and asks, seemingly randomly, "Have you always wanted to act?"

Dave asks this question after one of Kurt's particularly lengthy discussions on designer clothes, and fashion and Kurt is surprised at the question, before he considers it, then shrugs, and says, sighing, "Um…I don't know. I actually worked at a fashion magazine for a while, before I decided to try my hand at theater and music at this Arts School, but I started doing auditions and dropped out and just kind of floated from one acting job to the next, I guess. What I really wanted to do was sing, actually. But…" here Kurt stops, sighs again. He falls silent for a moment, gets lost in thought, then he resumes, "Now I don't know."

Dave is silent for a few moments, before he says, "Because I see how your face lights up with all this…" and Dave gestures to Kurt's sketches on the page of his script, "Fashion stuff and wow, that sounds pretty cool."

"Oh, I don't know, I think I'm too old to try out new things," Kurt says now. "I'm too old and too tired."

"So not trying at all is better?" Dave asks.

When Kurt looks at him with a slightly annoyed look, Dave says, "Sorry. I was out of line. I just think you should just think about it."

Kurt is silent and that's when he realizes: he's stuck. He's stuck and he's paralyzed and he doesn't know which way is up or down and he doesn't know where to go or where to start or how to move forward.

Dave doesn't raise it with Kurt anymore, but the one thing Kurt realizes is that he enjoys talking to him. Enjoys hanging out with him. They never actually ever find time to go out again, but they do find time to talk whilst having coffee on the set, when Kurt is waiting for his next scene, or rehearsing with Alanna, or just hanging out in wardrobe or make-up.

And as the days go by, Kurt slowly realizes how dressing up like this is probably a bad idea, and will probably end badly. In fact, as the days pass, he slowly develops this urge _not_ to be Kirsten anymore, especially when Dave is around, viewed by Dave as just one of the girls and thus treated as a friend. He cannot explain why, but he just doesn't want it anymore.

* * *

Once, during dinner out with Suzie, Santana and Rachel, who have both decided the two deserved a dinner out for being busy all the time, Kurt corners Suzie on her way to the restroom and had told her, "I think I should just come clean about this whole Kirsten Hall thing, Suzie."

Suzie tilts her head in that trademark Suzie way and asks, "Why?"

"Why?" Kurt asks in disbelief. "_Why? _Suzie, look at me. This is ridiculous. This is _wrong_. And I am so getting into a lot of trouble over this. I could lose my job. I'd probably _never_ get a job in Tinseltown ever again."

Suzie thinks about this, "You might be right about that whole 'Maybe-you'll-never-work-in-Hollywood-ever' again."

Kurt glares at her. "You were the one who talked me into this!"

Suzie glares back. "Then you shouldn't have listened to me then, should you?"

"This isn't funny, Suzie," Kurt says. "I could hurt people just by being Kirsten Hall. I mean those people at 'True Delights'? Alanna? Helen? Alice? Dave? They're all nice. I don't want to hurt them. And what do you think your parents will say about this? I'm committing fraud, Suzie."

Suzie rolls her eyes and says, "Should have thought of that before you got into the bet then, Uncle Kurt."

Kurt doesn't know why he says what he says then, but frustrated at how the girl couldn't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation, he says, "You are a bad, bad, _bad_, little girl! You're a spoiled little brat who lives in her own world and wants to think the world is all rainbows and sunshine, when it's not. Newsflash, Suzie, the world is a harsh, _harsh_, brutal, cruel world and you'd better find that out now before you go into the world with all your stupid ideas and your stupid plans and schemes! Grow up, Suzie!"

Kurt doesn't even realize what he has said until Suzie's face registers shock, disbelief, pain, hurt, before her young face grows pale and it crumples up as her blue green eyes pool with tears and she starts to cry and she rushes to the restroom and Kurt rushes to the restroom but cannot get in and he can hear Suzie crying in the restroom.

It takes a while for the girl to come out of the restroom and when she does, her eyes are puffy and red and she does not say anything during the meal. The two women are surprised, and curious as to why their daughter is suddenly sullen and silent, and are discreet enough not to make a point of asking why she is suddenly upset, assuming her moodiness has something to do either with the new relationship she has with Kate or that time of the month so they leave her alone for the rest of the dinner.

Suzie refuses to talk to Kurt.

Kurt feels like a horrible human being.

* * *

When, later that evening, as Santana pays the bill and Suzie goes to the restroom, _Rachel_ corners Kurt and asks him if everything is okay, Kurt feels even more like a horrible human being.

"Are you okay, Kurt?" Rachel asks. "I mean, I know you've been having a hard time these past few weeks, but you _do_ know you can talk to me, right? Or ask for help, if you need some help."

Kurt shakes his head. "I'm fine, Rachel. Really."

Rachel looks at Kurt now, silent for a few minutes, before she says, "No, you're not. I mean, before Santana, you were like, the only other roommate I've ever lived with for the longest time. You can't lie to me."

When Kurt says nothing, and instead lets his eyes rove around the half-empty Japanese restaurant, Rachel says, softly, "Besides, during dinner, you kind of said, 'Who wants my testicles?' when you meant to say 'tentacles', so I know you're not okay. Plus your face isn't as exfoliated as it used to be. And you're wearing the same set of clothes you wore the last time I saw you. You never wear the same outfit twice for at least a couple of weeks or so."

"I'm okay, Rachel, really," Kurt manages to say, over the lump in his throat.

But Rachel is already leaning over and saying, "Kurt, do you need money? Are you broke? Just say the word and San and I can probably put together something for you. I mean, San wasn't kidding about this whole baby-making business being expensive, but...if you need money, or something, we can totally help."

Kurt blushes, horrified. "It's okay."

"Is it that bet you have with Suzie? I mean, if it's becoming too much for you, we can certainly call it off, if you want," Rachel says, grinning.

"I said I'm fine, Rachel, _god_," Kurt says, unable to keep the annoyance from his voice and realizing, as soon as he says it, that he was being even more of a jackass.

Rachel has this look on her face, this look on her face that he has not seen in a while, this hurt look she only has when people like Finn, Jessie and Puck have hurt her, like she has been slapped and kicked in the gut and is now about to cry. Kurt feels really bad that he is the cause of this hurt look on Rachel's face now.

"I'm sorry," Rachel says gently now, recovering from the shock of Kurt's outburst sufficiently enough to say something. "I was just…we're here for you, you do know that, right? I know there's something you're not saying, but if you ever need a friend, anytime you need a friend, I…San and I, are here for you."

And of course Rachel just _has_ to say that and make Kurt feel even worse.

Presently, Santana, then Suzie, come back to their table and Santana's hand automatically snakes through Rachel's waist as she pulls her wife over and says, "Ready?"

Rachel only nods, as if the exchange between her and Kurt did not happen.

Santana grins. "Excellent. Come on, kiddo. Kurt."

As they gather their things and stand up from their chairs, Santana holding out her wife's coat for her, then her daughter's, Santana asks, "What were you guys talking about?"

"Oh, nothing much," Rachel answers now, smiling at her wife. "I was wondering if I should cut my hair or something. Get some bangs or something."

Santana makes a face. "No." When Rachel's face falls, Santana grins, before she tucks a stray hair of Rachel's behind her ear and says, "I mean baby, I love you, but if you're going to have those dorky bangs like you did when you were younger, hell no. That sucked. I like your hair now. That's almost as bad an idea as that time you wanted to expose them skeeter bites for…" When Rachel cuts her off with a glare, Santana stops and says, in one breath, "Errr, I mean, no bangs. _Ever._ I love you just the way you are, shall we?"

As Rachel chuckles and Santana grins, automatically sliding her hand into Rachel's as she pulls their daughter, Suzie to her side and motions to Kurt to follow them, Kurt really feels like the most awful person on earth. Kurt expects Suzie to talk or ask questions, but Suzie doesn't, seeming distracted and uninterested in whatever is going on with the adults and so Kurt knows Suzie isn't alright.

* * *

It also doesn't help that the male actors of 'True Delights' always seem to be going around shirtless ("It's practically in their contract," Alanna says with a smirk), glistening upper torsos displaying rippling muscles, chests, six packs, with either only tight, tight jeans, towels wrapped around the lower part of their bodies, or sometimes just skimpy briefs, glorious bulges seeming to have some kind of neon sign on them that say "Look at me, look at me". Once Alanna catches Kurt staring at the guys doing upside down push-ups, pull-ups and complicated dance routines that required them being even more shirtless. Another time, he spies the male extras who play the de facto band whenever any vampire, werewolf, fairy, witch ad infinitum burst into song, are shirtless, fake strumming guitars, fake tinkling the piano and fake pounding the drums, and he finds that even the potbellied extra, Pete the Piano Guy, playing the piano, loads of fat cascading on the piano keys as he fake plays, mildly attractive, his gaze lingering on the man's chest and navel. He doesn't even notice he is staring until Alanna speaks from behind.

"There are no shirts in the fictional, mystical town of Misty Temps," Alanna whispers to him when she sees Kurt staring at them.

Kurt laughs nervously, a blush slowly spreading on his face as he casually averts his gaze from aforementioned pretend pianist, and re-arranges the script in his hand. He realizes he really has, at most a few lines per episode so he doesn't have to worry about memorizing them. "Why are they shirtless?"

Alanna shrugs. "Why is Jesse's Chad Claus a high school football coach when he just graduated from high school and has no teaching certificate? Why is my character a high school guidance counselor when apparently I am a psychotic sociopath who likes to shove students against lockers and is incapable of actually dishing decent advice? Why is Helen's character marrying Leonard's Moose character, when they're apparently both still minors?" When Alanna sees Pam, one of the characters, approach them, she says, "Why does Pam's character's sole character trait still seem to be sassy black girl?"

Pam comes up to them and smiles at both Alanna and Kurt, "Hey, Al, Kirsten. What's up? Where you guys headed?"

"Make-up, then costume, you?" Alanna replies.

"Same," Pam says.

Kurt/Kirsten smiles and offers a small wave.

"So, what is it this time?" Alanna asks Pam, curious.

Pam shrugs. "A few more lines than last time, but still the same."

Pam turns to Kurt and explains, "My lines usually consist of 'That's' whack', 'Oh no, she didn't' and 'Hell, no'. Occasionally they remember I can sing and bring me in to wail on the high notes."

Alanna grins. "They could lift lines from 'Huckleberry Finn' and 'Gone With the Wind' and no one would be none the wiser."

Pam laughs, and putting on her best Mami voice, says, "Oh, hell no, that ship done sailed, girl."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, they keep throwing random angry Spanish lines at me and it's just really…I can't even…" Alanna says, shaking her head.

Pam grins and waves at them, then says, "See you in make-up."

* * *

A few minutes later, Kurt and Alanna follow Pam to make-up. When they are done with hair and make-up, they proceed to wardrobe and are passing through one of the sets, going over the lines for their next scene when they are immediately cut off by a screaming from behind them. Alanna stops just in front of Kurt when she hears the noise and Kurt almost collides with the woman. He and Alanna turn to see Bryan Cameron, in his trademark cap, screaming at two men in identical dark expensive Armani suits, blue tooth in one ear, mobile phone on their hands, who stand around unfazed by Bryan Cameron's temper as they match his voice and volume.

"Shomax executives," Alanna whispers. "Looking out for the studio's investment. Cameron's been feeling the heat since the show became the huge hit that it became in Season One."

As Kurt and Alanna crane their necks and strain their ears listen to the conversation, whilst trying to seem like they are not eavesdropping, they overhear the conversation thus.

"Look, all we're saying is your budget's already through the roof as it is, Mr. Cameron," one of the executives say conciliatorily to the producer-director, "What's the harm in cutting back on the freaking show tunes and include more top forties hits or something?"

"Yeah, studies show your demographic isn't the show tunes type of people anyway," the other executive says, "Our audience are between eighteen to thirty five, they don't give a shit about your show tunes. They want to see your actors sing Lady Gaga and Katy Perry and Justin Bieber!"

"Is this your show? Is this your _fucking_ show?!" Bryan Cameron, face all red, veins popping out from his neck as he screams and blusters at the two executives. "I don't give a fuck about a fucking demographic!"

"Well, you'd better care about the fucking demographic or your show gets cancelled," the first executive says, evenly and casually to Bryan Cameron.

Bryan stops, glares at the first executive, and says, "Excuse me, did you just threaten me?" He takes a menacing step forward at the first executive. "Did you just fucking make threats at me?"

The man steps back, puts his hands up and says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Cameron…"

"Nobody fucking threatens me, you fucking asshole! This show is making your fucking studio a shitload of money! They're not going to pull the plug on their fucking golden goose!" Bryan Cameron screams at him again. "You fucking go back to your boss and tell them that, asshole!"

The two executives shake their heads, shrug, back away from Cameron before they turn around and walk away.

"Wow," Kurt whispers, "I like how Bryan Cameron is so eloquent and so…colorful…"

"You haven't seen anything yet," Alanna whispers back as she motions to a younger, blond man with what seems like an expensively trimmed goatee, a headset, a walkie talkie, a clipboard in one hand and a mobile phone, approaching Cameron fearfully. "Excuse me, sir, Mr. Cameron…"

"_What?!_" Cameron screams at the young, blond man, who, Kurt finds out later, is Cameron's assistant.

"He seems to be in a bad mood today," Kurt whispers to Alanna.

"Yeah," Alanna says, drawing out the syllable. "Heard his boy toy may have kind of broken up with him."

Kurt looks at her. "What?"

Alanna shrugs. "Heard it on the grapevine. Not sure if it's true. But if it's true then that explains why he's extra moody and temperamental today."

"Mr. Cameron, the residents are complaining again about the noise we make when we're shooting our scenes," the young man reports dutifully, grimacing a little as he braces himself for Cameron's reaction. The man seems to be oblivious to Cameron's latest conversation with the two executives and has not noticed the stormy mood the producer-director is in.

Cameron stares at the young man before saying, "Do I look like I give a fuck about what a few old farts think about the noise our production is making?"

The young man swallows. "Um. Also, the new reviews for the latest episode from rotten eggs dot com and avidcritics dot com were just posted today," the young man says to Cameron.

"_And?!_" Cameron asks impatiently. "What the fuck did they say?"

The young man, who, Kurt finds out later, is improbably named Chip, gulps before he says, "Um…maybe I'll just tell you later…"

Cameron lets out an angry growl that makes the young man gulp some more, and glances around nervously as if dying to make a run for the nearest exit. "Um, Vandelberger said, the characters of 'True Delights' can turn into vampires and werewolves and fairies and pretty much anything…except compelling characters…"

Cameron lets out another angry growl and kicks at the wall. "Anything else?"

When the young man shakes his head, Cameron glares at him and so the young man gulps even more and says, "Um, Frost says, the problem with this television show is not the rampant destruction, or the non-stop coupling or even the contrived, convoluted plots, it's the boringness in between. And Gerber says it's just a glorified karaoke machine in costume. And he also said, True Delights is the ultimate punishment for people who love musicals. He says, after this TV show, you'll swear off TV musicals for good. And also, one of the critics says to stop doing the meta, it's misdirected, offensive, insulting, lazy and it's _not_ self-deprecating. Like, at all."

As the young man then speeds up what he is reading and then his voice trails off, Alanna says to Kurt now, "Meta can be fun. But not when Bryan Cameron writes it. I just think that dude doesn't think too deeply. And is probably home-schooled. Like from grade school and up. That would explain his weird take on high school and college life. I mean, got nothing against Cameron. Quentin Tarantino only finished high school but he's kind of awesome, so. But Cameron's limitations kind of limit what he can do for the show as well. Plus he's notoriously thin-skinned, so."

Alanna snorts as Cameron turns to the wall and kicks it some more. "And also? Those are actually pretty tame reviews," Alanna comments now. "One critic once said our show instigated a profound existential malaise within him."

Kurt nods, as he watches, alternately fascinated and terrified of Cameron assaulting the poor, defenseless brick wall.

"Oh, and my favorite are the bloggers over at that lesbian website, Sappho club dot com and Rabbit U Hole dot com," Alanna continues.

Before Kurt can ask what Alanna is doing at a lesbian website, Alanna continues, "One of the readers said, the last episode was so bad it made her want to kick a puppy. Another said watching the show was traumatic for her. And another said, just when you think 'True Delights' could not sink any lower, they find that underground tunnel hundreds of feet deep and mine that for shit stories. Another said, 'True Delights' is always groundbreaking and redefining things on television, like redefining what 'scraping the bottom of the barrel' means. There's even actually some kind of online petition to boycott or even have 'True Delights' cancelled. They're calling it the most immoral, morally irresponsible show on the face of the earth."

Kurt comments, "That's pretty harsh."

Alanna shrugs. "The fanbase is kind of pretty rabid. And pretty smart. And somehow obsessed with logic and continuity and sense, which has never been True Delights' strongest suit. There's like a whole army of, well, they call themselves the Teddies, from the acronym to our show, T.D., and they go on beakr and chirp dot com and make gifs and nitpick about every tiny, insignificant detail about the show and process their feelings about each and every word spoken, every gesture, every glance, everything, that the characters say or do not say to each other. I didn't even know about them til I got into this show. They're called shippers, in case you're wondering. My favorite though is the fic the fans write about the characters. And in those stories I am always a lesbian. I don't know why."

Kurt smiles and nods as he watches the young man watching Cameron. Alanna continues on unfazed, looking as if Cameron losing his temper and verbally assaulting any and every individual available is a common occurrence, which Kurt later finds out, it actually is. "They're kind of interesting, those fans," Alanna says. "The legit heterosexual pairings they ship on the show makes sense, but the female characters they ship with other characters are even more interesting. They ship Regina with Mary, or Rick with John, or with Chad, which, gross. The Regina-Mary ship is pretty strong. They're calling it Bray. But there's another faction that ships Regina with Pam, or Ram, and Jane, so Rejane or Pam with Jane, so Jam. I think the most popular though is the Bray one. The ship wars surrounding those pairings can be very vicious."

"Who's Jane again?"

"Token Asian," Alanna answers. "Or they ship my character, Selena with any of them, which, even grosser, my character is one of the adults on the show. Granted she's unhinged and perhaps needs help, but shipping her with any of the students is just plain disturbing."

Kurt smiles in acknowledgement but he is busy trying to catch whatever Cameron is talking about with his assistant. Alanna goes on talking, oblivious to the fact that Kurt is barely paying attention to her. "But I think some of the fans have started shipping you with Chad though."

"Yeah?" Kurt asks.

"Yes,"Alanna answers. "I think your ship name is Charey? Chadrey? Clauston? They're shipping you with me, too. They call us Crouton or Valhalla, neither of which sounds appealing to me."

Alanna shrugs. "I think the appeal of the show lies in the fact that the characters are so flat and two-dimensional, like blank slates, that pretty much everyone can relate to the characters and its fans kind of can project their own hopes and dreams and what-not onto the characters. Which, of course, is fine. I think that's the reason each character has stayed practically the same since Season One. Except Alice, who's kind of a slut now. And slut-shaming seems to be a thing on the show or something. If the characters kind of all _evolved_, the fans would have nothing to relate to anymore."

Presently, Kurt hears the young man say, "Um, and there's one more thing, Mr. Cameron."

"What?!" Cameron barks angrily at the young man.

The young man cringes, takes a step back, swallows before he says, "Um, the Leons don't want to give the rights to that song of theirs, 'Scratch It'. They kind of made their opinion about 'True Delights' known on that microblogging site, chirp dot com. And Showmax kind of called and told me to remind you not to get into fights with people at that site again, like you did last time, when you said one of the things you like to do is avoid Bray chirps, because that was kind of a publicity nightmare."

Alanna leans to Kurt now and whispers, "Personally, I think, instead of Cameron engaging in online fights with his show's fans, he should totally just go home and swim on a golden pool laced with rubies and dollars. And perhaps buy one of the islands in the Caribbean."

Cameron asks the young man now, "What did they say?"

"Err, they kind of called you a, and I quote, 'Privileged, white asshole'. They're also accusing you of stealing musical arrangements and not acknowledging it. Like, _at all_," the young man hesitates as he cautiously takes a step back, swallows and says, "They said, 'Fuck you, True Delights' and 'Fuck you, Cameron'."

As the young man says this, Kurt can almost hear the collective shock and gasp from the people surrounding Cameron. As they all wait for his reaction, he is silent, hands on his hips, arms akimbo, as he lets this new information sink in. And as it does, Bryan Cameron lets loose a string of angry expletives, expletives that Kurt had heard before, expletives he had never even heard of, and expletives he never knew even existed, as the producer picks up Chip's clipboard and hurls it clean against the window and it smashes the window into a million little fragments with a resounding crash and the people around Cameron cringe and make fearful faces and scramble to get as far away from the raging, furious producer.

Alanna and Kurt slowly back away from the producer, but not before they spot Helen Cooper, the blonde lead actress, making her way to the simmering, raging Bryan Cameron.

"Oh, Helen, don't do it," Alanna whispers now, drawing Kurt's attention to the blonde approaching the raging producer director now.

Kurt watches in rapt attention as Alanna quickly leaves his side and intercepts Helen as she tries to speak to the director, who has now visibly calmed down and has stopped assaulting the brick wall, although his sharp, small, weasel-like eyes, look like they are on the prowl for a new person to verbally assault. Alanna practically tackles the blonde away from the director and he watches as the two women talk to each other. There is something about the way they interact, so easy and comfortable that makes Kurt think that watching them seems like intruding on something intimate, especially since he knows both have professed to have boyfriends. Helen listens to Alanna, and Kurt can guess from her stance, and the way she is stubbornly shaking her head that she is being adamant even as Alanna seems to calmly be talking her out of something. A few minutes later, Kurt sees Helen sigh, tilt her head a bit at Alanna, smile a soft smile and slowly nod. He sees her mouth move and Kurt can guess it is Helen saying, "Okay". Alanna smiles back, briefly runs a hand on Helen's arm before she watches Helen move off into the direction of wardrobe. A few moments later, Alanna is making her way to Kurt and they both move to wardrobe.

"What was that about?" Kurt asks.

Alanna shrugs. "Nothing. Just Helen being…Helen. Some issues with the script, and…stuff…"

* * *

Later when they are in wardrobe, Kurt finds out what Helen is seething about when the script supervisor hands them a new, revised script. As Kurt goes over it, he finds that the episode ends with a cliffhanger where Helen is supposed to have a car accident. When Kurt looks up from the script to raise questioning eyes at Alanna, Alanna sighs and says, "_Shit_."

"What?" Kurt asks.

Alanna waves the script impatiently and irritatedly around and she says, "I think Helen's character is going to get killed off."

Kurt stares at his own script curiously, and says, "Well, that's just a cock of shit, isn't it?"

When Alanna looks up, blinks at Kurt and stares at him, confused, Kurt says, "_Crock_, crock of shit." Alanna seems distressed at this so Kurt tries his best to say something positive and continues, "Um, but it ends in a cliffhanger, so we don't really know if the character's dead or anything."

Alanna sighs. "Helen wanted a raise. Which makes sense. Her character's popular, so. Bryan had even actually promised it vaguely. I guess she forgot the first rule of Hollywood - always have it in writing. I mean, I think she's overworked and criminally underpaid. We all are. They had that absolutely unnecessary concert and the non-stop recordings and the press junkets and whatever. I mean Showmax and its execs and iTunes are probably making a shitload of money from this shit. Anyway, of course Bryan kills her character off."

Kurt does not know what to say to that, so he is silent for a while, but then he says, "But isn't she some kind of half-vampire or something? Isn't her father a vampire and her mother a human? Didn't she eat her way out of her mom's uterus and got herself imprinted to that werewolf? So unless she gets the Final Death, or gets stalked and killed by the Voldeturi, I highly doubt that she will actually _die_ or anything."

But then Alanna says, half-heartedly, "Haven't you been listening to a word I'm saying? It's Cameron's show, logic be damned. He'll kill off his character whether it makes sense or not."

Kurt considers this for a second before he says, in what he hopes is a helpful way, "Look on the bright side, maybe Helen's character will come back as a ghost and haunt the others. And then she gets to sing about it. She can probably sing that song by the Psychedelic Furs' 'Ghost In You' while she floats mid-air."

Alanna laughs. "Or alternately sing that song by Indigo Girls, 'Ghost'."

Kurt smiles as Alanna mulls this over. Kurt is a bit touched by Alanna's concern for Helen. Then he says, "Or they do a mash-up of 'Ghost In You' and 'Ghost'."

Alanna makes a face. "Oh, god. I hate mash-ups."

Kurt, who is no stranger to mash-ups, says, "I think mash-ups are okay."

* * *

After they are done with wardrobe and are wearing their costumes, which, for Alanna, consists basically of whatever skimpy outfit wardrobe can scrounge up for her, whereas Kurt's costume consists mostly of severe gray tweed suits, the suits that Alanna jokes they stole from the old people's home down the street, paired with sensible orthopedic shoes, granny stockings and thick glasses that make his eyes a hundred times bigger than they really are, an ensemble that he painstakingly wears in the women's restroom so as to keep the others' prying eyes away.

"I look like Mrs. Doubtfire," Kurt whines now as he stares in front of the mirror.

Alanna comes up, runs a hand on her long, dark, wavy hair and says, "Not necessarily." She studies Kurt's image in the mirror before she says, "Can you kind of say, 'You have an overdue book and you've been a very, very bad girl and now I'll have to _spank_ you'."

Kurt gives her a look. "What?"

Alanna smirks then shrugs. "Hmmm, that seems to work for other people."

* * *

As they make their way back to the set, where Kurt knows he and Alanna will spend copious amounts of time waiting for their turn to shoot as Leonard Shelley Drew, predictably, is late again, Kurt spots three new young people being accompanied by the same Showmax executives he saw arguing with Bryan Cameron earlier. He sees Dave Karofsky, in a handsome, open-necked suit appear out of nowhere to welcome the three new True Delights actors and Project True Delights winners with a grin and a hearty handshake for each one. As each of the new, and now Kurt realizes, terrified, nervous accidental actors take Dave's large hands into theirs, Kurt can see from Dave's easy, winning smile that he is trying to put the three at ease. Kurt spies Bryan Cameron straighten up a bit when he sees Dave but Dave seems oblivious and just talks to the new actors. Dave sees Kurt and Alanna at about the same time they see him and Dave grins and waves at them. Kurt and Alanna wave back. Dave grins as he turns back to the Project True Delights winners and proceeds to use his hands to one of the winners, the girl. Then Dave turns to the third actor and starts to move his fingers in the air, effortlessly, fluidly, facial expression, all delighted and amused, matching the passion with which he moves his fingers and Kurt realizes that the girl is the one who is hearing-impaired and is surprised that Dave can do sign language.

Kurt settles himself on one of the set chairs as he watches Dave talk to the girl and the others.

"Wow, look at Dave go," Alanna says now. "Bryan is a lucky bastard. Unless they're really broken up, in which case that's just too fucking bad. For Bryan."

"Who are they?" Kurt whispers to Alanna now, indicating the three that Dave is talking to.

Alanna regards the three newcomers, watches as they make their way to Bryan Cameron simmering in silent fury in one corner. Alanna sighs and says, "Those are the Project True Delights winners."

"The reality series?" Kurt asks now.

"Yeah, that one," Alanna replies. "I still don't understand why that's on air, seeing as nobody seems to be watching it, but the winners' prize include getting an acting gig on the actual show, so."

As they watch the three newcomers, who actually look more like they're in high school more than Helen Cooper, Alice Troy, Marcus Marc and especially Leonard Shelley Drew, who, at thirty, is still playing a high school student but looks even older than Jesse St. James, who is only a few years older. The newcomers have that high school, scared "deer-in-the-headlights", "country-mouse-in-the-big-city" look down as they take in the numerous staff moving around with clipboards and walkie talkies and stacks of paper or paper cups of coffee, whilst the others assemble or dismantle parts of the set or add or remove sets and props from the scene, cameras and lighting and mics being adjusted, actors and extras in costume, clutching scripts and cups of coffee.

"So, these are the new token characters Bryan Cameron has decided to grace the show with," Alice Troy says, coming up from behind to look at the new actors. She looks at Kurt and smiles warmly. "Hey, Kirsten, what's up?" she greets him.

"Hey. Nothing much, you?" Kurt says.

Alice shrugs. "Nothing much. Still just the token neurotic Jewish girl. You?"

"Nothing much, too."

Alice turns to Alanna and whispers, "Can any of those kids even act? Or sing?"

Alanna chuckles softly. "I don't know. But that white guy, I think his name is Eric Shawn or something, I heard he's going to play some freak cult guy named A.J. Q. Le Sean or something, he won so he's going to get the most screen time, pretty much doing nothing, like the other Project True Delights winner did last time, or that non-actress from that _other_ reality show, Desperate Single Moms, eating up valuable screen time from my storyline."

Kurt remembers that reality star from that show. He remembers it because Santana hated that show and says it is an inaccurate representation of single moms of color _and_ single moms in general.

"The white guy winner will, of course, join the ranks of the other white guys that came before him, validating the very existence of the rest of humanity in Misty Temps by their…whiteness, straightness and maleness," Alanna jokes. "The other one's hearing-impaired I think, the other is a young Native American two-spirit person. Don't you just love stunt-casting?"

Alice Troy snorts. "How this show has turned into the_ looongest_ teen PSA fantasy soap opera show on television, I will never know," she comments. "The feelings, the feelings!"

"So, if one of the winners is hearing-impaired, how'd she even get into Project True Delights? Or even _win? _Isn't one of the criteria of that reality show the ability to act, sing, dance or talk? Like with words and stuff?" Kurt asks.

Alanna says, "I think Cameron knew right from the get-go the kid would be perfect for the show because you know, nothing screams PSA like a kid with a disability like hers. And I think she can act, so."

Alice snorts again as Alanna continues, "As one critic said, it's the most mean-spirited television show about tolerance _ever_."

"What's the story this week?" Alice Troy asks, boredly.

"I don't know, something about women empowerment or something sung via Bollywood music," Alanna says, shrugs. "I love the part where they talk about stuff like 'women empowerment' or 'dyslexia'! Or 'anorexia'! Or 'homosexuality'! Like they've just discovered it or something! And I love the way they just want to shove it down our throats whether we want to or not!"

"Was it like that one time when that lesbian cheerleader character came out and Bryan Cameron managed to make it about the white, straight, able-bodied male characters of the show?" Alice asks.

Alanna shrugs again. "Don't know. Don't care."

When Kurt and Alice look at her, Alanna says, defensively, "What? If the writers don't bother to keep track of their stories, I won't either. I'll just memorize my lines and get my nice paycheck. Stories are stories."

"I do love my paycheck," Alice mulls. "That's what matters."

"That's _all_ that matters," Alanna quips with a smirk. "A foot in the door, Alice, that's all that matters."

Kurt does not know what to say so he just stays quiet.

Alice sighs. "With any luck, this women empowerment episode will, of course, be about the men."

Alanna laughs. "You can bet on it."

"Why are we singing Bollywood songs again?" Alice asks. "I don't even see how that's relevant to the storyline."

Alanna shrugs. "Why do we do anything in this show? It's like that one time they made Jane sing that Chinese song, whether it was relevant to the plot or not, begging the question: is it racist that they let her sing it? Or would it have been racist if they didn't let her sing it?"

"Ugh, and it doesn't help that you have people like Jesse St. James going around saying, 'All I know about walruses is that they have the second biggest dick in the world. I have the first'," Alice says.

"Gross," Alanna says. "And they keep throwing in these lines in the script like, 'Cleanliness is next to manliness'. What the hell is up with that?"

Alice shakes her head. "Excuse me while I step out and smoke and look over the horizon like an actress unsure of my storyline," Alice Troy mutters as she smiles and heads to make-up.

Kurt and Alanna nod to her as they watch Bryan Cameron look at the Project True Delights winners from head to toe and dismiss them with a wave of the hand, expression that of thinly veiled contempt and disdain.

"As you can see, the schizophrenic, ADD nature of this show owes its very nature to Bryan Cameron," Alanna comments now. "He's got these two new shows, 'American Normal' and 'Terror Lands' that are just as awful as this one, and he can't be bothered with this show anymore because of those ones."

"Doesn't he have some kind of bad track record for gay and lesbian representation?" Kurt asks now.

"Frankly speaking, I don't think watching television shows can actually transform society or provide some profound new insight into our souls or our humanity or anything," Alanna comments now, "Because if that were true, then we'd probably have some kind of utopian, egalitarian society now, as we produce an equal amount of gay-positive, feminist, egalitarian shows and movies as we do the sexist, misogynist ones, you know? But yeah, representation is important only because it's kind of like a baby step in visibility, and visibility is important in showing that gays and lesbians are as human as everyone."

Helen comes up from behind them and says, "Hey."

"Hey," Kurt and Alanna greet her back.

Helen grins at both of them before she turns to Kurt. "Hi Kirsten. Is she giving you one of her gay and lesbian visibility lectures again?"

Alanna rolls her eyes. "Like you've never made a point of emphasizing that you have a 4.0 GPA and that you're better than any storyline that's ever been written for you."

Helen grins again, running a hand on her blonde hair. "Seen the new script?"

"Yeah," Alanna says. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay," Helen says.

"Texting while driving," Alanna says, thoughtfully. "Who'd have thunk it?"

Helen laughs. "I'm supposed to kiss Alice or something. And there's a semi-topless scene, too…that I'm not even sure I want go into."

Alanna rolls her eyes. "Must be sweeps week."

"Yeah, there's another lesbian kissing scene, must be sweeps week!" Helen says, with a smile. "There's a topless scene, must be sweeps week! There's yet another offensive _shikse_ joke in there, must be sweeps week!"

Alanna grins. "Frankly, I think the show could use less pairings and hook-ups. Also, I thought your characters were supposed to be best friends or something. I mean, I know there are best friends who eventually fall in love and stuff, but I never saw the sexual tension between you two. Besides, you're not supposed to _do_ your best friend. That's like, the rules of feminism or something."

Helen laughs. "That guy is incapable of writing anything other than about white males, gay or otherwise."

"Yeah, remember when that gay guy character came out, like, a million times?" Alanna says.

Helen grins and then turns to Kurt. "Sorry, she gets really touchy about the so-called double-standards on 'True Delights'. She can count the exact number of minutes the lesbian cheerleader has been featured and the exact number of minutes the gay guys have been featured."

"Ten minutes," Alanna says, holding up her hands, "Including the part where she sings when she finds out she isn't as human as she thought she was. Or as straight. While the gay one came out every other episode, on _every_ season, had, like, at least two or three love interests and make-out scenes, whereas the lesbian cheerleader had that girlfriend who stopped talking the rest of the season when she came out. And I can't even begin to tell you how annoying it is that the guys really seem to get more screen time than the girls. And also, I still don't understand why Jesse St. James or even Marcus Marc need to sing every single episode, whether it's necessary to the plot or not."

Helen grins again. "You have to excuse Alanna, Kirsten, she has an ax to grind about the show that helps pay her bills. And besides, Marcus made that 'A Very Shaded Twilight' Musical parody, so he kind of gets a free lifetime pass."

Alanna rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know…"

"Aaaw, come on. Tell me you weren't tickled pink by Marcus singing stuff like, 'Hold Me, Thrill Me, Cuff me' or 'Missionary is for Losers' or you know, 'Dirk Diggler and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Tie."

Kurt stares at Helen. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Oh, I would _never_ kid about a song like 'Dirk Diggler and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Tie'," Helen says, with a twinkle in her steely gray eyes. "Or songs like 'Size _Does_ Matter' and 'Big Feet, Big Shoes' and songs that rhyme 'booties' with 'cooties'. You can check it out on boobtube dot com. Incidentally where you can find 'True Delights' fan vids."

Alanna smiles at Helen. "I know I'm biting the hand that feeds me. But I can't very well go out during our promo tours at Comic Con or on talk shows and say this show really sucks and why are you even watching and the creator is actually a sexist asshole, can I? Plus you know we signed all that confidentiality stuff on the contract."

"Cameron _knows_ he's being sexist," Helen says. "Didn't he already do a lot of that meta stuff about that? He had Marcus' character call Alice's character a Barbie slut and Leonard's character a misogynist Ken. Although I honestly don't know what the deal is with calling girls sluts. Alice's character is hardly even a slut."

"But that's the thing, he _knows_ he's being sexist. And misogynist. And homophobic. He's just going to keep doing it, despite knowing he's being sexist and misogynist and homophobic," Alanna says, "Having his characters comment on how much of an asshole he's being without actually doing anything about it, is actually more offensive and insulting than if he never acknowledged it." She looks off at where Bryan Cameron is talking to the half-naked actors on one of the boys' locker room scenes.

"I just think you overanalyze, Al," Helen says. "Like most of the T.D. fandom does. I mean, yeah, continuity, consistency, character assassination, whatever, they've always been issues with True Delights. I just think we should just let it go. Enjoy the ride and all that. Once you turn off your brain, T.D. can be fun."

Alanna rolls her eyes at Helen. "Then that means we're just willing to take whatever they're going to give us, because we don't deserve better."

Helen doesn't know how to answer that, so they all fall silent and turn to the sound of Cameron's voice as he gives his male actors instructions for the next scene.

"…So you shove Leonard against the lockers, Marcus, and put your face a few inches against his as you recite your lines," Cameron says now. "You're angry at Leonard's character for how he's treated both Helen and Alice's character and so there's going to be some tension between you two."

"He means sexual tension," Alanna says, with a smirk. "I've never seen two heterosexual male characters fail at convincing that they are more into boobs than they are into dick."

"_Al!_" Helen says.

Alanna laughs. "You know it's true! I've never seen this much sexual tension between two characters since Frodo and Sam in 'Lord of the Rings'."

"My god was that movie such a sausage fest," Helen comments.

Alanna makes a face. "Anyway, can't wait for the director's cut for Leonard and Marcus' locker scene!" Alanna says. "And it better have a shower scene! Like this show always does every first episode of the season!"

Helen shakes her head in disbelief.

"What? Nothing says art like two guys fake grinding into each other and pretending they're fighting over some _girl_," Alanna says now, "_Anyway_, yeah, Cameron does have a track record for offensive stuff. But I think he does a more awful job for lesbian characters than he does for gay characters. In that hit show of his, 'Plastique', the lesbian character is abused, raped, tortured, institutionalized and finally killed off."

"Oh, yeah, her name was Jen Sphincter or something," Kurt says now. "Who killed Jenny anyway?"

Alanna stares at him. "Jen Specter," she corrects before she continues, "And nobody knows. Sometimes, I still wonder who killed her. That show ended on Jen Specter being killed and nobody knows who killed her. And in that show of his, 'American Normal', all the lesbians there are shrill and always fighting and obsessed with U-hauls and are neurotic and are only into making babies and stuff, while in 'Terror Lands', the lesbians are abused, raped, tortured, summarily executed, institutionalized and killed off."

"Sounds like 'Plastique'," Kurt comments.

"_Exactly_ like 'Plastique'," Alanna says. "And as you know, the women in 'True Delights' are incapable of standing up for themselves, whether they are pregnant teen moms out of wedlock, abused, suffering from eating disorders, or an abused past, outed, or whatever. And the female characters are always made to do stuff like eat stuff off the floor, or lick the bathroom walls, or dance in skimpy outfits or…you know get on their knees and propose or whatever…"

"Maybe he's just…you know…writing what he knows," Kurt offers, helpfully. "I mean isn't that some kind of rule in writing? Write what you know?"

"Yeah, if that rule were actually ever followed, then Brett Easton Ellis would have been spending life in jail for killing everyone and then writing about it in 'American Psycho'," Alanna points out. "Or Nabokov would've been skinned alive for actually having a torrid, sexual affair with a minor and then passing it off as art in 'Lolita'. Which, gross, by the way. Or those guys who did those awful 'Saw' movies would have actually kept actual people in basements and sawed off all their limbs and made a movie about it."

"Yes, and also, that doesn't account for the fact that that straight, female author, Anne Proulx, actually pulled off writing about two gay cowboys on 'Brokeback Mountain'," Helen points out.

"Ugh, I think that movie kind of set back the gay rights movement like twenty years I think," Alanna says now.

Helen tilts her head. "Well, that's one way of looking at it. I quite liked it."

"You would," Alanna retorts. "It's angsty. You like that angsty stuff, don't you?"

They fall silent. As they watch the others on set, Alanna says now, "I don't think you need to be a woman to actually write good roles for women. You kind of just need to stop being an asshole and listen and write the truth of the character. I like it when Irene Keener and Michael James write the episodes. Michael writes those small, emotional episodes that aren't grandiose or over-the-top or whatever. Irene finds the balance between Bryan Cameron's big, bombastic, overly produced productions and Michael's little episodes."

As they all watch Cameron give directions to the other cast, Alanna sighs now. "I don't think I can take a year more of this."

Kurt asks, after a silence, "Why don't you just leave?"

Alanna shrugs. "Contract. And do you know how hard it is to be a _woman_ of color in Hollywood? That glass ceiling is made of Plexiglass, Kirsten. The only way I'd probably be able to make it in Hollywood is to know someone, or sleep with someone. Or both."

Presently, Bryan Cameron looks up, cranes his neck and sees Alanna and with one hand, motions the actress to come forward. Helen gets called by another staff and waves goodbye to the two.

Alanna sighs and says, "I've got to go. Catch you guys later."

Kurt nods and mutters his assent as he watches Bryan Cameron give Alanna instructions, looking every bit the consummate professional as she listens to Bryan Cameron's instructions.

Before long, Bryan Cameron puts up one hand, looks around, sees Kurt/Kirsten and motions with his hand for Kurt to come.

Kurt listens to Bryan Cameron's instructions - it is not really that much of a scene, Alanna and Kurt only exchange a few lines, something about taking care of the students and student disciplinary actions, then Bryan Cameron says, "Okay, action!"

"…You can't keep shoving kids against lockers if they've pissed you off, Ms. Cruz," Kurt says mechanically now.

"…Sure I can," Alanna says.

"Cut!" Cameron shouts.

_What now?_ Kurt thinks to himself.

Cameron approaches them and he says, rubbing his fingers on his day-long stubble, "I don't see it."

Alanna raises her eyebrows at the man. "Don't see what?"

Cameron looks at her, "The tension. I want more tension."

"Well, maybe it would help if you give us the motivation of the characters," Alanna says, face expressionless.

Cameron looks at her. "Don't start with me today, Alanna."

Alanna resists the urge to roll her eyes as Cameron yells the word, "Action!" and the two, Kurt and Alanna, set to work on the scene.

They go through a few more takes before Cameron is satisfied and yells, "Cut!" and Kurt can retreat into the safety of the dressing room, change into his regular Kirsten clothes, quietly say goodbye to his colleagues and go home.

* * *

He sees Dave on his way out, still patiently talking to the hearing-impaired Project True Delights winner and Kurt cannot help but be amazed again that Dave knows sign language. Then again, he hadn't known Dave well in high school. Was actually a bit mean to him, had rejected him, had even told him off when they'd accidentally seen each other at 'Scandals', embarrassing Dave a million times over just by even refusing to be his friend. Santana was Dave's only friend, really and it strikes Kurt now how much of a snob he was in high school, how much of a snob he still is nowadays. This train of thought comes way out of left field for Kurt and it turns to a trail that he does not know existed, leading him to ask why he and Santana had not gotten along well in high school, why it took a while before they warmed up to each other, especially when his best friend started dating her, why Suzie was the same, why he couldn't get jobs, why he is miserable. Maybe he was just an awful human being who had felt entitled to everything, including jobs and even his best friend and that's why he has come to this point, in his life, dressed in drag, playing a character he wouldn't have been caught dead playing ten years ago, because if truth be told, Kirsten is probably a hundred times better a person than Kurt ever will be. Where had he gone wrong? Kurt asks himself. What had happened to his life? Where the things that had happened to him, his boyfriend cheating on him, losing his job on the television show, maxing out, being unable to find work, striking out at every audition, as much a product of his own doing as much it is a product of external forces?

As he watches Dave Karofsky now, Kurt has the sudden, irrevocable urge to leave. To never come back. To walk out of this set and vanish, disappear into the vast sea of humanity that is New York City. There is a twinge of guilt, sadness, a devastating realization that accompanies his insight. He can't be here. He shouldn't be here. This is all one big lie. His life is one big lie. This is all wrong. He didn't want this life. He needed things to change.

He turns and leaves the studio and as soon as he is able to step out of the building, and starts walking towards the direction of the subway that will lead him to the Lower East Side, he calls and asks his agent, Joe Maguire, to get him out of his contract. It has grown darker, the lights have come on at Silverpoint and the rest of Brooklyn, and he can see this side of the borough light up with nocturnal energy, as old people, young people, kids go home or, as he glances in buildings, sit down to watch the evening news or their favorite primetime television shows, TV dinners set in front of them.

* * *

"How the hell am I going to get you out of your contract?" Joe asks now.

"I don't know, Joe," Kurt says now, as he dodges a man who almost collides with him on the sidewalk, "I'm sorry I've put you in this kind of trouble, but I can't be here, Joe, you know I can't be here. I can't wear a dress for the rest of the season. Or my life, if my contract gets renewed."

"You realize this only now?" Joe asks now. "You really need help, you know that?"

Kurt smiles sadly into the phone as he stops at the end of the street, looks both ways, and proceeds to cross the street. "I'm sorry," he pants now, "But I'm like, in the seventh circle of hell, Joe. The panty hose, the girdle, the sensible orthopedic shoes, the glasses, the bras, the wig, the goop I have to wear on my face all the time…"

Kurt stops when he hears Joe start to chuckle as Joe manages to say, "Ah, I've missed your whining, Kurt."

"It's not funny Joe. It really isn't. Except for Bryan Cameron, these are really nice people and I really don't want to hurt them," Kurt says, as he hurries down the street. "I really don't. But if you ever get me out of this one, I swear I'll never ask you for anything else again."

Joe is silent for a few moments before he sighs and says, "Alright. I'll see what I can do. But I think I'll hold you to that promise when you start being difficult again."

Kurt laughs softly as he shifts from his right ear to his left ear. "Thanks, Joe."

Joe's tone softens a bit as well. "Anytime, Kurt. Anytime."

When Kurt hangs up, he debates with himself, asking himself whether he should call Suzie and Rachel, apologize, patch things up…apologizing was never one of his strongest suits, admitting he is wrong, yet another impediment to forming long-lasting relationships and friendships. In fact, Rachel had been one of the few, perhaps the only one, really, who had stuck with him through thick and thin, putting up with him through everything, had been there even at his lowest, all these years. That she is married to Santana, means there is another person in his life, who may not always like him or his friendship with Rachel, but who would be there when he needed a friend. And the fact that Santana has stayed friends with Quinn, Sam, Mercedes, Tina and Mike, means that he has a ready circle of friends who may sometimes give him a hard time, but who are there as well, to be his friends. He is struck by how much shit he used to give Santana for being an awful human being back when they were in high school, but as it turns out, Santana has turned out better than anyone, including Kurt, had ever expected, with a successful career, marriage and a family, a child, who will one day make everyone proud. What is he thinking? Suzie is making everyone proud now. At remembering Suzie, he realizes he needs to call her. Guilt washes over him. Overwhelming guilt. He shouldn't have hurt Suzie. Whatever her faults, her imperfections, she has the excuse of youth, well-meaning intentions, innocence, exuberance, this belief that everything will turn out alright on her side, whilst Kurt, Kurt has no excuse for doing what he did. Or saying what he did to her. She hadn't forced him to go on a bet with him, hadn't forced him to dress in drag for a show. It was his vanity that did it. His vanity, pride, _arrogance_. He had let a child talk him into this because he was vain and proud and arrogant and he didn't know when to quit, to accept that maybe it was time to move on, much like Rachel had, and coming out stronger on the other side for it. And it was vanity that made him blame the same child for his own actions, his own behavior.

He doesn't even realize that he is almost right in front of the subway station until he sees the sign and notices the people in coats and jackets and scarves and caps stepping out of the subway or entering the station. He stops on a particularly dark, unlit part of the street, near a dark, dank alleyway, considering his options, debating whether to call Rachel first or Suzie first, wondering how he could win his best friend and Suzie over again. What is he talking about? Talking to Rachel would be a walk in the park. But Suzie is another thing altogether. Kids have been known to sulk for months, bear grudges for years, and refuse to talk to people they dislike for decades. He wonders briefly if another hamster, or perhaps a guinea pig, or tickets to a ballet recital or bribing her with lunch, dinner and another trip to Coney Island with Kate and Dave would do the trick. Yes, yes, that would be fine. He searches his mind for the right words, chooses the right phrases, takes out his mobile phone, hesitates for a while, as a breeze blows through him and he shivers, briefly wondering whether this is a good idea or not, before he swallows and unlocks his phone, thumbing through his phonebook before he finds Suzie's number and dials it…

He doesn't even see the fist that smashes against his face, the hard, metal object that hits him on the back, and on the stomach, and on the back of his knees, and a searing, excruciating, unbelievable pain courses through him as he is repeatedly hit and kicked as he falls on his knees, then to his side, on the pavement, shielding his face from the blows inflicted on him, tasting blood on his lips, I'm going to die, he thinks to himself. I'm going to die.

Then he vaguely, through the incredible agonized pain that is going through him, he hears an angry, loud, "Hey!" the pounding of footsteps on the pavement, the people surrounding him suddenly leaving, with his bag and his mobile phone and everything else, and as he struggles to say conscious, fighting the darkness and pain threatening to claim him, the last thing he sees in the darkness, is the concerned, worried, anxious face of Dave as the other man bends down and says, "Kirsten? Kirsten are you okay? Stay with me, Kirsten. Hang on. I'm calling 911. Stay with me…"

Through the haze of pain, Kurt grimaces and manages to groan out, "Dave…I'm not…I'm not…"

"Sshh…" Dave says now, taking off his jacket and carefully putting it under Kurt's head. "Save your breath, Kirsten, ambulance is on its way."

Kurt swallows and croaks out, "Thanks, Dave. Thank you. Can you please call Rach…"

"Thank me later," Dave cuts him off. "I'd carry you myself to one of the studio cars, but I don't know if you broke something important, so," Dave says now before he looks up and says, impatiently, "Where the hell is that ambulance?"

Kurt swallows again, "Dave…"

"What?" Dave asks.

"I'm not who you think I am…"

* * *

_**Author's end notes:**_

_**That's it for this chapter! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. **_

_**Ramble/Disclaimer alert (skip this if you want) -**_

_**As I do this on my free time and I do it for fun (unlike my other paid writing gigs), I do appreciate your reading and your reviewing my stories. Your kind reviews are much welcome and do help power me through and are always motivating and heartwarming. So, again, thank you everyone for reading and reviewing this chapter.**_

_**I know this chapter might get some mixed reviews, and I know some of you might find the meta a bit weird, but it's just meant to be fun and I quite enjoyed writing it. Please take note, the scenes with the actors/characters are not an accurate representation of what actually happens on "Glee" (and I'm required to say, any resemblance to anyone living, dead or undead, is pure conjecture of thought), it's more a set-up to get the more important discussions and issues surrounding "Glee" to be brought out. I have worked with people similar to Cameron and the others though so that's accurate at least! And also, I know most of the discussions are not as positive as we want, but hey, since that lesbian blogger community dig, nothing has been right in Glee-verse, so why not fight meta with meta? Hahaha! I think it's a much more creative, productive and fun outlet on my (and my beta's) part. :) Also, I have no hate for the creators, just for the writing and depiction of a lot of stuff (mainly the minority/LGBTQI/women's stuff) on "Glee", so I hope you don't misunderstand that part of this story.**_

_**At this point, I'd like to acknowledge afterellen, auto straddle, avclub, New Yorker magazine, Ms Magazine, Bitch Magazine, NewsWeek/DailyBeast Magazine, Time Magazine, other newspapers/magazine, interviews with the cast, rumors from entertainment mags, press/news release, Comic Con video footage and the like, bloggers, microbloggers, recappers, critics and the whole Glee fandom (the fan artists, fan fic writers, fan vid makers, etc.) for all the insights and analysis that helped with the writing of this chapter (read/watched over a span of four years, for the 4 seasons Glee has been on). Synthesizing all of that was no mean feat! :) So the stuff mentioned here are a mixture of all these awesome websites, Glee fandom, my beta's and mine. :) The "Twilight/50 Shades of Gray" parody musical idea is ALL MINE though because I'd love to see that on stage! I think it would be hilarious! And also, in case you were wondering, there IS actually a chocolate-inspired gown unveiled in France already. Whether it melted or not as the model sashayed down the catwalk is still unclear. **_**:)**

_**I think there will only be one chapter more for this story and off to Pezberry land we go again!**_

_**Also, shout out to my beta, DragonsWillFly, without whom, this chapter would not have been complete. DragonsWillFly is kind of my default cheerleader and motivational coach when I'm stuck in a rut or a brick wall. So the beta also pulls double duty, aside from the regular checking for technical errors and grammar. So, many thanks, beta!**_

_**On to your comments:**_

_**To pictureofsuccess - Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing the last chapter! Much appreciate it. So glad you enjoyed it. I'm glad you like "Learning Curve", "True Delights" and the Glee meta. As I said, why not fight meta with meta. Hahah! ;) Actually I also prefer reading Glee fan fic more than Glee itself, too. I did love the new "Love Song" cover version by Quinn, Santana and Rachel, and went specifically to youtube just to see that. It was awesome (had to mention that!). :-) Anyway, hope you liked this chapter! Cheers!**_

_**To kutee - Hey, I'm good, thanks. Thanks for reading and reviewing the last chapter. Hope you liked this chapter, too. Glad you are still loving Suzie, that you like Kate (yes, I love "I Love Lucy"), Dave and the Pezberry time. Thanks and hope you enjoyed this chapter, too!**_

_**To parker88 - Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing Chapter 3. Glad you loved the Suzie, Kate, Dave, because the only way I'd write a Kurt story is if there were some other nice character, like Dave, to balance him out, as well as some meta stuff. :) Haha! PezberryPure Sex - hahah! Is that a prompt? Kidding. :-) Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**_

_**To kickangel - Hi. Thanks for reading Chapter 2 and 3. Glad they, especially the Suzie and Kate scenes, were able to brighten your day. Glad you liked that the inclusion of Dave, as well as the mention of the Pezberry baby and Pezberry as supporting characters as well as the other aspects of Chapter 3. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter, too. Many thanks.**_

_**To MelovePezberry - Hi! Glad you enjoyed the last update! Especially the bet with Kurt's friends and Suzie and Kate. Also, I'm glad you loved my not so-subtle take on Glee - I think it's a much more fun way of talking about the issues fans have with the show.**_

_**To aviran - Thanks for reading and reviewing! Yes, I am a big Joss Whedon and Buffy fan. Nuff said. :)**_


	5. Being Human

**_Author's note: Dear readers, Chapter 5, the last chapter, is here! This chapter is the last, so it ties up loose ends and hopefully answers all your questions about our characters. Hope you enjoy this one__!_**

* * *

For the nth time, Kurt comes to in a haze of grogginess and remembered pain and disorientation, initially thinking, from the glaring, white light piercing his very being from behind his eyelids, and the softness of whatever he is lying on, and the unusual silence that he slowly wakes up to, that maybe he actually, really and _finally_ is in heaven.

And when his eyelids flutter open and a blurred figure in white is leaning over him, he thinks maybe he is, but then as his eyes come to focus, the figure also comes to focus and to his shock, and surprise, it is Suzie staring down at him with so much concern and worry and anxiety in her dark green eyes, as she waits for him to wake up.

What she succeeds in doing is making Kurt yelp again like a little girl, but this time, as he scrambles to move away from the girl, thinking at first that she is somebody else, his body refuses to move and painful electric jolts of pain shoot from everywhere inside his body, from his back, to his arms, to his legs, to his stomach to his face and he finds himself falling back on the bed, clutching the edge of the blanket to his chest as he tries to calm the wild beating of his heart, taking deep breaths to get his bearings and to push down the inexplicable fear that has seized him when he finds an initially unrecognizable figure hovering above him.

As he does so, Suzie smiles hesitantly, sweetly, as she says, softly, "Hey, Uncle Kurt."

Kurt stares at her for a few moments, before he finds himself saying, "Hey."

Suzie is quiet for a while before she drops back on the chair near the bed and pulls the chair nearer the bed, and Kurt can hear the scrape of metal against concrete and tile as the chair is dragged against the floor. Kurt grimaces at the noise.

"You gave us a fright, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says now, in the same soft voice. "How are you feeling? You okay?"

When Kurt does not answer, still confused and disoriented, but relieved Suzie is here, Suzie says, gesturing towards him, "What am I saying? Of course you're not okay. Stupid question. Sorry."

When Suzie points in the general direction of where his body is positioned, it is then that Kurt realizes he is not anywhere familiar or normal, and he starts to smell the not-too-familiar sterile, antiseptic smell he only ever associates with those times when his father was in the hospital, a smell he has come to hate and hopes never to smell again. He looks down at himself and sees himself wrapped in the hideous, totally unfashionable blue hospital gown he loathes, covered in hospital blankets, head resting on a hospital pillow, lying on an uncomfortable hospital bed, in a painfully white and bright hospital room, sunlight streaming from the large windows, illuminating the lilies, hydrangeas and roses by the window. He realizes his left arm is in a cast. Realizes his whole body is throbbing with dull pain. He tries to get up again but his body protests painfully in response and he drops back and his hand comes up to his head and he feels a large patch on his face and his fingers connect with what he realizes might very well be bruises and for the first time, he realizes he feels like something, like a big truck, had run over him. He suddenly feels an exhaustion, an overwhelming, sweeping pain as he lies back down.

"Take it easy, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says. "You've been hurt pretty bad. They kind of beat you up good. Good thing Uncle Dave saw you just in time…"

Oh, right, Kurt remembers, as the memory suddenly comes flooding back to him in a rush. He had been on his way home, from Silverpoint, and he'd stopped by a dark alleyway, stupid really, but he hadn't noticed, and it was dark, and there was a lot going on in his mind, and then… He doesn't remember much except for the part where he feels himself being repeatedly punched and kicked, on the head, on the back, on the stomach, on the arms, on the legs, methodically, efficiently, as he feels his bag being grabbed from his hands, and something else? He doesn't remember. He remembers the feel, the taste of rust, of blood, trickling down his head, feels something snap, crack somewhere in his body. He thought he was going to die. He really thought it was going to be the end of him. Of Kurt Hummel. Remembers thinking so this is how Kurt Hummel is going to die, alone in drag, being mugged in the darkness of an early autumn evening in Brooklyn. He curls up into a ball, protecting himself from the hardest of blows and he doesn't know how long it goes on, it seemed to have gone on and on and on but then he remembers an angry shout, the pounding footsteps on the pavement, the beating, the hitting suddenly stopping, as the people beating him up and _mugging_ him, scramble away from him and he feels somebody talking to him, somebody familiar, voice soothing and gentle…Dave. Dave Karofsky.

Then he realizes that Dave must have inadvertently found out about the Kurt/Kirsten situation and is about to start panicking about it again but then Suzie says, "Uncle Dave called me immediately after. He said he didn't know who else to call and you kept mumbling something about calling some 'Rachel', who I'm guessing is Mee, and good thing I was with Kate and her mom. Kate's mom carpools for us and she drops me off from school sometimes, when Mom and Mee can't pick me up from school, so. So we got her mom to come to the hospital with me and as far as I know he still doesn't know and I think you still haven't blown your cover, if that's what you were wondering. I think Uncle Dave assumed Kate's mom was my mom or something, so."

Kurt cannot explain it but he feels relieved at what Suzie has just explained, but then Suzie's expression changes and she says, "I think you have to tell him soon though. He seemed very distraught and really upset when I saw him. I get now what you said before, Uncle Kurt, when we were at the restaurant. I kind of felt bad and it started getting weird because he kept calling you Kirsten and Kate's mom was giving him weird looks but good thing Kate kind of took care of her mom and Uncle Dave got called back to the studio and he hasn't been back, but he keeps checking up on you, calling me and stuff and I'm really sorry."

Suzie says all of this in one breath, a vague fear and a hope flaring in her blue green eyes, as she looks squarely into Kurt's eyes. Kurt holds her gaze and a slow smile spreads on his face.

"Honey, no, I should be sorry," Kurt says, scrambling to put out a hand and touch Suzie's cheek reassuringly before pain shoots down his arm and he grimaces and says, "Ow."

Suzie gives him a sympathetic smile as she gets up from the chair and plants herself on Kurt's bed. "No, I should be sorry. I…"

"Hey, you were just looking out for me," Kurt says, shaking his head, grimacing at the pain again. Geez, is there any part of his body that is _not_ in pain? He thinks to himself. "I'm sorry for all those…" and he gestures vaguely in the air, "I said at the restaurant. I was a jerk and I didn't mean any of it, okay? Don't listen to Uncle Kurt, okay? He gets stuff wrong sometimes and he is really, very sorry he hurt you."

Suzie smiles at him. "Aw, Uncle Kurt, okay," she says, before she leans over and offers Kurt a hug.

Kurt meets her halfway and through the pain shooting sparks throughout his body, he awkwardly hugs Suzie with his one good arm and the one in the cast as Suzie carefully hugs him as well.

"Will this Uncle Kurt stop referring to himself in the third person?" Suzie jokes as she gives him a squeeze.

Kurt laughs before he pulls back, tucks a stray blonde hair away from Suzie's face and says, "Don't ever change, Suzie. _Ever_."

"Well, that's just ridiculous, isn't it?" Suzie says, scrunching up her nose. "If I don't change, then I won't grow, would I? Mommy Britt once said, change is the only thing that's permanent in the world."

Kurt grins as he lies back, cursing the pain silently. "Your Mommy Britt is right, of course."

Suzie grins back. "Hungry? Need anything? I'm hungry. The moms are coming later, they're picking me up from here. Kate and her mom were here earlier, but you were asleep, so. They dropped me off here earlier."

Kurt shakes his head. "Not really." He stops and sniffs himself and says, "If you can get me a shower, that would be so awesome, but since you can't, can I have a coffee instead? I've suddenly developed a craving for it like right about now. And also, can you _stop_ sneaking up on me when I'm asleep? It's really freaking me out."

Suzie smiles. "How do you guys stand to drink that stuff? Gross. "

Kurt grins. "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it." When Suzie starts to give him a curious look, like she's actually considering the idea, Kurt quickly says, "Or not. I don't think your mommy Santana will be quite happy with an overly hyper Suzie around and your mommy Rachel will just be positively horrified."

Suzie laughs. "Okay. I'll be back soon."

Kurt watches as Suzie skips to the door, gives him a small wave and disappears down the hall. Kurt smiles as he settles himself deep into his bed.

Before he knows it, he is drifting off to sleep.

* * *

He is woken up by a couple of voices that drift into his consciousness as he drifts out of a dream where he is making out and frolicking with Chris Evans' Captain America, Chris Hemsworth's Thor, Jeremy Renner's Hawkeye, Gerard Butler's King of Sparta and his army of three hundred Spartans, and for some strange reason, Edward and Jacob, and Bill and Eric and Sid in slow motion as the song, "Afternoon Delight" is playing in the background.

"…Glad he's okay though…"

"…What the hell was he doing there anyway?...At that hour…?"

"…Lucky no internal bleeding…"

He tries to go back to the comfort and safety of his dreams that involve the Avengers, Spartans and vampires, but the grating, and now increasingly familiar voices, refuse to go away, so he gives up trying to go back to sleep with a long, silent sigh as he slowly opens his eyes, and fights the grogginess from his brain.

"Rachel…" he says, groggily.

"Kurt…"

"Rachel?" he says again as his eyes flutter open.

When his eyes open, he sees the familiar face of Rachel and Santana hovering above him, Rachel in a skirt and blouse and Santana in her trademark suit as they both smile at him, Santana's arm around Rachel's waist as they take in the look of Kurt on the bed.

"Hey," Rachel says now, giving him her warmest smile. "How are you feeling? So glad you're okay. The doctor says you'll be out in a day or two, so that's good."

"Hey," Santana says now, as she smiles down at him, before her eyes travel down the length of his body. Then she makes a face and says, disgustedly, pointing to the bulge between his legs, "Eeew, Kurt. _Gross_. I hope that thing between your legs isn't happy to see us. Put that thing away before I break it."

Kurt doesn't realize what she is saying until he looks down and sees the bulge between his legs and a quick blush crawls up his neck and onto his face and he scrambles to cover it, grabbing one of the pillows to cover it with his one good arm, as he stares at the pillow, horrified.

"Having a hard time, I see?" Santana asks, with a smirk. "And yes, that pun _is_ intended. Swearing off sex not your thing?"

When Kurt blushes even more, Rachel turns to Santana and hits her lightly on the arm and Santana raises her arms and shrugs, "What? The bet's off. The guys called it off. Ugh. I don't see why we can't have a little fun at your expense. We so knew you were going to pull through anyway."

"San!" Rachel says now.

Santana grins. "What?"

Kurt clears his throat. "I'll have you know…I was dreaming of getting it on with Captain America as played by Chris Evans, Thor as played by Chris Hemsworth, Hawkeye as played by Jeremy Renner, Gerard Butler and all three hundred of his Spartan army and Bill and Eric and Sid from 'True Blood' and Edward and Jacob from 'Twilight' and if you squint really hard, maybe The Rock and his rock hard abs. A dream, I might add, that you so rudely interrupted."

Santana makes a face, "Eeew, gross. Too much information, Kurt. _Really_ too much information. And also, STD."

Rachel only smiles. "Those are nice-looking guys. Not a muscle person myself, or into, err, group love. I find that thing extremely boring and exhausting and…" when Santana turns and glares at her, Rachel quickly corrects herself, "_Not_ that I've tried it or even thought about it…and anyway Santana can be incredibly possessive and territorial anyway so that kind of thing's not…" When Santana looks at her again, Rachel tells her, "Just kidding. I love you."

Santana rolls her eyes and says, "And also, Kurt, are you coming out? _Again?_"

When Kurt looks at her with a confused expression on his face, Santana explains, "We kind of found you in a dress and in the heaviest goop I have ever seen anyone wear since…Joan Rivers and there was a girdle and panty hose and a bra and granny panties and a wig among your personal effects, so I was just wondering."

Kurt's blush comes back with a vengeance again as Santana continues, jokingly, with a smirk on her face, "I mean I'm totally okay with it if you've finally realized that you are actually a little girl trapped in a gay man's body. And obviously, I'm required to say, on pain of having my wife withhold sex from me for life, that I support you and whatever decision you're going to make, but can I just say, I hope you know what you're doing. And also? Going under the knife for that? Has to be painful. Especially since I don't think you'll be able to use it, sort of. You'll never be able to have sex, or _enjoy_ it ever again."

"_San!_" Rachel says now, the chiding tone in her voice unmistakable. "You're being rude. And offensive. Come on. That's not nice."

Kurt looks at Santana, confused. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. But I'm just saying, Hummel. It's ain't gonna be the same as having the real thing. Unless they invent some robot thingie sometime in the near future that can approximate all that happens to your lady bits when it gets excited," Santana says with a smirk. When Rachel glares at her, her face grows serious and says, "I'm glad you're okay though."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "You do know it was _never_ all about that."

Santana turns to her wife and grins. "Hell, yeah, it's all about…the clitoris! And how much more awesome that thing is. It's like a machine gun compared to a man's penis. I mean that thing's just a handgun, really." She looks at Rachel now, with a glint in her eye, "I'm surprised you discovered that _so_ late in life."

Rachel blushes, before rolling her eyes again. "_Not_ so late in life."

Kurt blushes now, smiles weakly, horrified, not really knowing what to say, feeling awkward and mildly embarrassed, before he says, "Um, Santana, can I talk to Rachel alone please?"

Santana shrugs. "Okay."

As they both watch Santana step out of the room, Kurt looks at Rachel and finds himself fighting down the tears as he says, "Hey."

Rachel smiles. "Hey." They fall silent for a while, not knowing what to say to each other, before Rachel speaks up again. "I'm sorry about Santana…She was kind of just lightening the mood. She kind of really freaked out when she found out you got mugged. She immediately bought Suzie and me cans of mace. I think she bought you one, too. I think she's trying to buy a Taser gun for us, too. She's insisting on picking me up and Suzie whenever she can and…stuff."

Kurt nods before he sighs. Sometimes, he really envies Rachel's luck.

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asks again. "Maybe you should talk to…a mental health professional or something? I'm not good with this stuff, but they said you could get post-traumatic stress disorder from what happened so, I've taken the liberty of listing down some for you and of course, you know, San and I are here for you. We know the next few weeks might be hard for you…and…"

Kurt nods, letting this sink in. He remembers again that yes, he has been mugged and that old fear, the terror, the helplessness, the thought that he might actually die, that he was going to die, comes back to him, and he shudders. The thought, actually of stepping out of the safety and comfort of this hospital, no matter how nauseating the anti-septic smell is, now feels him with dread. Maybe he should take Rachel up on that offer for the mental health professional. He looks at his best friend now, and sees the genuine concern in her brown eyes. He moves slightly forward, feeling a draft on his back where his hospital gown parts down the middle. He winces as he shifts his left arm, but then Rachel stands up and plants herself on the edge of the side of Kurt's bed. Kurt rests his good hand on Rachel's hand and says, "I'm sorry about…you know, everything."

Rachel shakes her head. "It's fine. I mean, you got mugged, we almost lost you, so don't think about it."

Kurt doesn't seem to hear her as he continues, "Sometimes, I kind of just envy your luck, you know? I mean it feels like you've got everything figured out, everything sorted. You've got a loving partner, a daughter, a Tony, your own Foundation, everything's just…coming up roses for you and…" here Kurt stops, overwhelmed by emotion and before Rachel speaks up, he holds up his hand and says, "Just before I got mugged, I had this revelation, this epiphany. I realized maybe the difference between us is maybe…maybe I've just been an awful human being. I know I'd been awful to you. And I'm a snob. And I'm kind of vain and proud and arrogant and…where I am right now, I guess that's more what I've been doing with my life than anything, you know? I'm as responsible for whatever's happened to me, than anything else…"

"Oh, Kurt, it wasn't your fault you were mugged, come on," Rachel says, leaning over and putting an arm on his shoulder, rubbing it gently. "That happens to anyone. I mean…"

Kurt feels the lump building in his throat and he tries to say it before he gets really choked. "You know the difference between us, Rachel? You were willing to grow and change and you really grew up…and I…I've just stayed the same since high school and I've just refused to grow up maybe…"

"Kurt…" Rachel says now, before she leans over and engulfs Kurt in a hug. "You're being too harsh on yourself. Things happen for a reason and they will work out for the best, okay?"

Kurt nods now as Rachel pulls back and runs a hand on Kurt's cheek. "Oh, god, you so need to exfoliate. And maybe shower."

Kurt laughs. "Sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't know it was going to be this…big. I mean this is _huge_. I'm sorry I hadn't realized it. Have you told your dad yet?" Rachel says.

"No."

"I mean, I know your dad was kind of cool with you coming out because he already knew right from the day you said all you needed for your birthday was a sensible pair of heels that you were gay, but I don't know what he's going to say about this."

"I know, I know," Kurt says, "I've sunk to a new low. I know. And I've done some pretty low stuff in my life."

"I mean, wow, it must be tough, plus just the thought of transitioning…I mean, I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I should have noticed the signs. I mean…I grew up with two gay dads, we were always surrounded by every kind of gay person imaginable, so the coming out part of this wasn't so hard for me but…" Rachel says. "I mean, how _did_ you manage? How did you _deal_?"

"Well, it wasn't so bad," Kurt says, "All I had to do was well, load up on lots of goop, buy a girdle, some contact lens, a wig, some panty hose, shave a lot and you already know my voice is naturally several octaves higher anyway, so it wasn't all that hard to do. Plus you guys were excellent examples of how to act like women, so."

Rachel looks at him, a bit confused. "Wait, what? That's it? I imagine having this kind of revelation would kind of freak you out more than it should. I mean, are you talking to someone? Are you going to therapy? What?"

"No. Wait, what?" Kurt asks now, suddenly realizing that maybe he and Rachel are talking about two entirely different things. "What are you talking about?"

Rachel gestures to him. "I mean, that you are…you." When Kurt still looks at her, confused and speechless, Rachel rolls her eyes and says, "Santana's right. We support whatever decision you're going to make and I'm very happy for you, but let me just get used to the idea of you actually having a sex change operation so you can…"

"Wait, wait, hold on," Kurt says, interrupting his best friend mid-sentence. "Again, what are you talking about?"

"I thought you've finally discovered you're, you know, transgendered?" Rachel asks now, tentatively, carefully.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "No, I'm not."

"Then what were you doing in a dress? Are you a cross dresser now? Or a transvestite? Or what?"

Kurt sighs, closes his eyes, runs his hand on his hair and taking a deep breath, the words start to spill out as he tells Rachel the truth.

* * *

Rachel is quiet, only asking a few questions, to clarify, to understand, but thankfully, she doesn't offer any comment, opinion, or, god forbid, pass _judgment_, on Kurt's decision to dress in drag to get a job at 'True Delights'. Younger, high school, early New York Rachel would have, but this Rachel, older Rachel, herself a survivor of trials and challenges that life has thrown her way, only nods, sympathy and understanding on her face. Kurt realizes she will not need to say, out loud, that what he did is wrong, as he is relating how he came about dressing in drag, knows that he had made a few bad decisions and that he only has himself to blame and takes full responsibility for whatever rut he has dug himself into. He is relieved, really relieved, that Rachel doesn't say anything, only nods and seeks out his hand and squeezes it reassuringly. They sit in silence for a while, enjoying the warmth and comfort of each other's company and friendship. There will be time enough later for the old Rachel to surface and lecture him rather vehemently and strongly, about fraud and the legal implications of what he has done (a mark, he notes, of how long his best friend has been living with Santana), ruining his career and his professional life and perhaps even extracting a promise from him that he will never ever do such a thing ever again. Kurt inwardly smiles. He and their circle of friends make it a point to tease Santana about how whipped she is in regards to her complete and utter devotion and loyalty to one Rachel Berry, but the fact of the matter is, Rachel exudes that kind of persona that just commands people to follow whatever she asks them to do. And in his case, he knows, without Rachel not even saying it (and expecting her to say something about it sometime in the near future) that he will not be doing something like this ever again.

* * *

It is in this comfortable silence that Santana, impatient and restless outside his hospital room, finally enters the room, annoyed at having been made to wait outside. The annoyed words Rachel's wife might have thought to say in regards to the two having her wait outside as they talked about their feelings, dies in her lips as she sees the best friends sharing an intimate, platonic moment, and she only smiles for a fleeting moment, before she rolls her eyes, clears her throat and says, "Alright, I hate to break this Kodak moment now, but these shoes are killing me and I don't want to stand around in the hallway glaring at nurses all day long. I need to sit down."

Kurt and Rachel smile at her as she approaches them. As she takes a seat beside Rachel and Rachel automatically leans back on Santana and Santana puts her arm around her, Kurt only smiles at them.

"Thanks, you guys, for being here," Kurt says now.

Santana rolls her eyes. "Don't get used to it, Hummel. I'm still unhappy about the bet that had to be called off because…"

"San!" Rachel says now, elbowing her again.

"Ow," Santana says, grinning. "Where's Suzie?" she finally asks.

"Um, I don't know…" Kurt starts to say but then they all hear Suzie's unmistakable voice as it approaches the room and they all turn to the door.

"Um, Uncle Dave…" they all hear her say and then they all see Dave Karofsky, in a dark suit, with a bunch of flowers and the most confused expression on his face, enter the room.

* * *

Everyone recovers enough from the shock of seeing everyone else as Suzie shifts nervously from one foot to the next, coffee cup still in her hand, and then, Dave says, uncertainly and confusedly, "What's going on? Where's Kirsten? What is Kurt doing here? What are you guys doing here?"

Suzie looks at Kurt apologetically now, wanting to say something, but too afraid and nervous to do so and looking, for all intents and purposes, like she would rather be somewhere else, than here.

Kurt is speechless, fear, panic, anxiety, dread, starting to churn and surge within him, in the pit of his stomach. He feels his heart suddenly beat fast, feels like his breath has been knocked out of him.

Santana is as surprised as everyone else is that Dave Karofsky is here, and that surprise registers on her face, but she manages to say, "Dave Karofsky. Nice of you to randomly appear out of nowhere. You cleaned up nice. How you been? I don't want to be rude, and not that it's any of your business, but Kurt got mugged and Rachel's listed as his emergency contact, so."

Rachel turns to her and says now, thoughtfully, "I should totally include you as Kurt's emergency contact, too, I think."

Santana looks at her with absolute horror on her face. "No freaking way!"

"But what if I have a show or I'm shooting something or whatever?" Rachel reasons out now.

Santana shakes her head vigorously and Kurt tries his best to give her a withering glare. "Thanks, Santana," Kurt says sarcastically. "Thanks a lot."

Santana smirks in Kurt's direction. "Anytime." Then she turns to Dave. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Dave starts, hesitantly, "I came to see Kirsten Hall." Then he stops, still confused, eyebrows knitting together, then says, "Listen, am I in the wrong room? Suzie, what's…?"

"There's no Kirsten Hall here, only Kurt Hummel…" Santana says, cutting him off at about the same time, Suzie says, "I'm sorry Uncle Kurt, I tried to stop him…" Then she turns to Santana and says, innocently, "And also, Mom, that's no way to treat an ex."

When Santana realizes what Suzie has just said, a slow blush crawls up her face as she manages to say, "How'd you know about…" before she whips her head and glares at Kurt as everyone turns to look at Kurt as well.

Santana turns to Suzie and asks, "Suzie, how do you know Dave? And how come he's suddenly Uncle Dave? And also, you are so grounded when we get home."

"Aaaw, _Mooom!_" Suzie whines now, sulkily. "What for?"

"I don't know yet, but something tells me you may have had a hand in all this," Santana says now.

"Why do you always think I'm always up to something?" Suzie asks now.

Santana grins. "'Cause you always are, kiddo."

Suzie puts out her lower lip and puts her arms in front of her and moves to one side to sulk, setting the cup of coffee on a table near Kurt's bed.

"Like you weren't? Back in high school?" Kurt offers, smirking.

Santana glares at him.

As he listens to the exchange between mother and daughter, the realization dawns on Dave and he says, "Suzie's your _daughter?_"

Suzie brightens up now, all thoughts of sulking because she is being grounded forgotten as she grins and half-skips to her two mothers. "Yeah, they're my moms!" she says proudly, putting an arm around Rachel's neck. Rachel smiles and puts an arm around her waist.

Dave says, in disbelief, "Rachel Berry's your _mom?_"

"Hey! I resent that tone you're using right now," Rachel says, "I'm really offended by that."

Suzie, unfazed, just shrugs, and says, "Well, yeah, they're my moms." She grins now and says, "Can't you see the family resemblance?"

"Oh, you haven't heard the best part," Kurt says with a smile.

He looks from Santana to Rachel and back before saying, "You guys are like, together? Like, together, _together?_" When Santana only glares at him and Rachel gives him an annoyed look, Dave continues, even more confused, "But didn't you guys _hate_ each other in high school?" When they still don't answer, Dave stops and says, "Wait, I'm being punked or something, aren't I? This is a joke or something and somebody's going to come out from somewhere and say I'm on TV and this is all a joke because there's no way the one person you detested would end up being your…"

Santana rolls her eyes at Dave now and says, "Still not too bright, are you? Britt's her _birth_ mom. Well, she's both ours, really. Rachel's her _step_mom."

As Dave blushes, it is Suzie's turn to roll her eyes in that characteristic Santana way that never fails to unnerve Kurt and reminds him how much of Santana Suzie has inherited. "Just, _mom_, Mom, no step. That just makes me think of Snow White's evil stepmom and why do fairy tales always have evil stepmoms, Mom? What's the deal?" Then Suzie stops and grins before she continues, "And I love how people usually flip when they find out you guys are together. What's the deal with that? Kind of makes me want to know what high school was like for you guys, Mom. What was it like during the old days, Mom? When you were like, young and stuff and not, _old._"

Santana rolls her eyes again and says, "One more word out of you, young lady, and we are so grounding you til you get grandchildren of your own."

Suzie grins. "Sorry." She turns to Kurt and whispers, "Like clockwork."

"Brittany? Brittany S. Pierce? Is your _Mom?_" Dave asks now, fully incredulous and disbelieving.

Suzie looks at him impatiently, slightly annoyed. "What is this, Uncle Dave? Twenty questions?" she demands. "Yes, she was, okay? She passed away when I was little. She told me once she's not really gone because she lives on in me and I don't exactly know what that means, but I think it means it's because I kind of look a bit like her and stuff."

Dave is silent for a while before he says, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry to hear that." He is silent again before he clears his throat and looks at Suzie and says, "So that's why you looked familiar."

There is a silence as everyone in the hospital stands or sits around awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. Kurt hazards a glance at Dave, to see how he is taking it, and he can see that Dave's dark green eyes are processing everything, and from the slight change in expression, he has belatedly realized perhaps, that Kurt Hummel and Kirsten Hall are one and the same, with Suzie being the missing link that ties the aforementioned missing, recently mugged Kirsten Hall to the recently mugged Kurt Hummel. Kurt swallows as he realizes that there is that familiar, slowly dawning anger and look of betrayal in Dave's eyes. He is _not_ looking forward to the inevitable talk that they have to do in order to clear the air.

After the initial strangeness of seeing Dave Karofsky again, Rachel and Santana both look confused as well, the expression on their faces puzzled and curious, but unable to say anything.

"Well, this is awkward," Suzie ventures a comment, tentatively, looking down on the tiled floor and scuffing her feet on it.

Kurt resists the urge to smile. As the gravity of the situation sinks in though, he is grateful Suzie says the obvious. He clears his throat. "Can I…Can you guys give us a minute or something?"

Rachel and Santana quickly nod their heads, looking seemingly relieved they have been given permission to leave this awkward situation.

Rachel and Suzie move to hug Kurt and before Rachel steps away, she says, "You know how to reach us, okay? If you need anything…or whatever…"

Kurt nods.

"Well, now that everybody's up to speed…" Santana says now, clapping her hands to her thighs as she gets up, "And not that it was great catching up with you Dave, but…" Santana motions for Suzie to follow them.

Dave only nods, his mind somewhere else. His gaze falls on anywhere but at the adults in the room but when Suzie does say, "Bye, Uncle Dave", Dave manages to smile at the girl, genuinely smile, as he lays a palm on her head and nods.

"So, mom, I'm totally rockin' my grades at school and I've been totally behaving since…that incident where I kicked…_made_ Uncle Kurt's ex see the error of his ways and that time I put laxatives in that boy's protein shake…so I totally think I'm ready to graduate to the big leagues now, so um, can I get something better than…um, training bras?" Suzie begins now as the family file out of the room.

"No," Kurt can hear Santana say curtly.

"_Mom!_" Suzie whines.

"San," Rachel says now.

"_No,_" Santana says again. Rachel must have either said something or glared at Santana because Santana says, "Fine, fine, we're talking about it when we get back home. Ugh. Teenagers…"

Their voices trail off and Kurt realizes he and Dave are now completely alone. The whole room is deathly silent and neither Kurt nor Dave seems to know how to start. Kurt can see Dave about to start a conversation once or twice but deciding at the last minute not to. Kurt swallows, feeling the anxiety, fear and panic welling up inside him.

Finally, Dave clears his throat and says, "I...guess this is yours. Flowers."

Kurt only nods, not trusting himself to speak as Dave lays the bunch of flowers on the table near the door, near the now cold cup of coffee Suzie got for Kurt. Kurt notes that Dave seems awkward and uncomfortable.

"Um, thanks," Kurt manages to mutter.

There is silence again.

Then, Dave clears his throat yet again and says, "How's your arm? Your legs? You were in so much pain when I saw you. You were hurt pretty bad."

Kurt swallows. "My arms and legs are okay. Thank you."

There is silence again. The dread continues to churn in Kurt's stomach. The tension in the air is so thick now Kurt could literally touch it. He wishes, instead, that the ground would magically open up and swallow him whole, anything to take him away from this.

Dave speaks up. "So…you're Kirsten Hall…"

Kurt swallows again, suddenly feeling like his throat is very dry. He refuses to meet Dave's gaze. Dave is refusing to meet his gaze as well. He sighs. "Yes."

Dave is unable to say anything else. Kurt waits for him to say something more but he doesn't.

"I should get going," Dave says now as he makes to leave, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm sorry," Kurt suddenly blurts out, heart beating wildly around in his chest. "Please know that I never meant to hurt anyone…I was just…I was in a bad place and…"

Dave shrugs, face inscrutable, cold as he coldly says, "That's fine. It was your choice, so. And if you're worried I'm going to blab about it, don't worry, I won't. Nobody knows about it. I'm guessing your agent does, though."

"Please…Dave, I'm sorry. Can we kind of talk about this…? Or something…"

"There's nothing to talk about, Kurt."

Kurt looks at him. "Don't say you didn't at least have some fun with Kirsten Hall…"

Dave lets out an annoyed noise. "Will you listen to yourself? You dressed up as a girl, passed yourself off as a girl…I'm guessing so you can get a job and… I don't know what you were doing hanging out with me and fuck, I know I was mean to you in high school and I said I was sorry but what you did was low and mean and just fucking awful. You had no right to do that. And don't presume to know what I felt or not felt about Kirsten Hall."

"I'm sorry," Kurt says now, quietly, softly, tone defeated, suddenly feeling exhausted.

"I mean, were you even planning to tell me any of this?" Dave demands now, "Were you just going to go on and play around with people? Play around with my feelings? Were you trying to get back at me or something? Because that's just not right, Kurt. That's just not right. It's immature and it's fucking creepy and you need help."

"I said I was sorry, okay?" Kurt says again. "I didn't know what I was thinking…I shouldn't have done that."

"Damn right you shouldn't have done that," Dave says now.

"But I…but please know I didn't mean to hurt anyone," Kurt says, "I hadn't meant for it to go this far. Please know I meant to tell you, I really wanted to, but I just…I just couldn't tell you, I kind of just…kept losing my nerve…"

Dave shakes his head. "I've got to go. Don't call me. Or email me. Or text me. Or anything. Just…stay the fuck away from me, Hummel."

There is a permanence, a finality to what Dave says that makes Kurt's heart ache painfully behind his chest. Dave holds Kurt's gaze long enough to make sure Kurt understands Dave and he has just said, before Dave stalks off angrily and slams the door close on his way out. Kurt winces at the noise and lets his head drop back on the bed and stares up at the ceiling. An eerie, gloomy, depressing silence has descended in the room and suddenly he feels like he doesn't want to be alone, but he thinks maybe his best friend and her family have already gone home and for the nth time he feels like crying again. It is only when he lets out a breath does he notice that he has been holding his breath this whole time.

He closes his eyes and quietly sobs his pain away.

* * *

Rachel is right when she says it will only take a day or so. Kurt gets released and as soon as he sorts everything out with the hospital, the nurse comes by with a wheelchair. There is an argument about how he doesn't really need to be wheeled out of the hospital like a "freaking invalid", but then, when he tries to take a step from the bed to the door, pain shoots up from his foot to his leg and up to his thigh and sweat breaks out from his brow and he grunts and winces in pain so the nurse rolls her eyes and gives him her best "I told you so" look before pushing the wheelchair forward for Kurt to sit on. Kurt sits down on the chair defeatedly as the nurse grunts and attempts to wheel him out of the room. But then he sees Rachel and Santana by the doorway, along with Suzie. Rachel is wearing a dark brown coat, boots and gloves, face lightly made up and trademark Rachel Berry grin on her face. Santana, also lightly made up, is also wearing a similar coat, but with an expensive looking dark blue suit beneath and boots, long, dark wavy hair falling in waves around her shoulders and back. Suzie is wearing jeans and a gray school sweat shirt that says, "Green Avenue Academy" on it, dark blonde hair falling in waves around her shoulders, a headband keeping her hair from falling on her face.

The sight of Rachel, Santana and Suzie almost makes him break down and cry, so glad is he to see them that he just stares at them, unable to speak.

"Hey, Uncle Kurt!" Suzie greets him, grinning, skipping to him and giving him a hug.

"Hey," Rachel says to her best friend now. She then turns to the nurse and says, "It's okay, um, nurse person, I'll take it from here."

The nurse nods and smiles and exits the room as Rachel comes over behind Kurt and starts to push the chair. Santana nods to the nurse as she exits the door.

"Hey, Hummel," Santana says now, with her trademark smirk on her face. "Good to know only your face is happy to see us this time. Need anything?"

Kurt shakes his head, feeling his eyes water and blur. "I'm…I'm fine, Santana."

Santana quirks an eyebrow. "You sure? You don't look too good." When Kurt only nods and puts a hand up to dab at a tear that has escaped one eye, Santana rolls her eyes. "God, Kurt, cut it out. I swear if you're going to go sappy on me I'm going to have to personally kick your ass once you're healed."

"San!" Rachel chides Santana now.

"Sorry," Santana says.

"Forgive Santana. She likes people to think she's still a bad ass even though she's really a softie inside," Rachel jokes now. Santana attempts to frown at her wife but only manages to blush. Rachel only smiles at her, mouthing the words "I love you", earning her a grin from her wife.

Kurt nods and grins, as Rachel begins to wheel him out of the room, and Suzie grabs his bag. He is about to say something to Santana, but Rachel crashes one side of the chair against the door and Kurt groans and yelps out an, "Ow!" as his foot connects with the door and Santana and Suzie snicker. Rachel turns to Santana and glares, effectively shutting Santana up.

Kurt only smiles, wincing with the pain in his foot. "Don't you have work or something?" he asks Santana now.

"Yeah, the perks of being awesome, I get to take the afternoon off," Santana says, with a smile.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Whatever, Santana."

Suzie walks beside the chair as they go down the hall and she grins so Kurt says, "Hey, kiddo."

"Hey, Uncle Kurt," Suzie says again. She tilts her head and says, thoughtfully, "Hey, your eyes look kind of funny. Do you need a flu shot in your eye, too?"

Santana snickers again so Kurt glares at her, but Santana only glares back, with a shrug.

As Rachel wheels Kurt down the hall, grunting and pushing and at one point saying, "Kurt you weigh a ton! What have you been eating?"

Kurt rolls his eyes as he ignores his best friend and turns to Suzie instead and says, "So, how was school? Where's Kate?"

They stop in front of the elevator and Suzie replies, "Home, studying. Our parents say we get to hang out only if we keep our grades up."

An old woman comes up beside them, looks up at the lights blinking on the elevator, indicating what floor the elevator is currently on. It is currently only one floor up.

Then Suzie turns to Santana and says, "Which I don't get, Mom. I don't see what the big deal is, it's not like I'm going to get Kate pregnant or anything. We don't even need birth control! Or condoms or stuff. It's not like I've gone to second base yet. I don't think I've gotten to first base yet, I think. I mean, does a kiss on the cheek count? And anyway, it's not like she's going to let me get to second base anytime soon. Maybe I won't even get there. Like _ever_."

The old woman stops and stares at the group, shocked at what Suzie has just said, even as Santana and Rachel blush and Kurt grins. There is an awkward silence as the elevator mercifully makes a "Ding!" sound to announce that it is on their floor and the elevator doors slide open and Rachel hurriedly shoves Kurt and the wheelchair in, slamming the wheel against one of the doors, earning Kurt another, "Ow!" and a wince of pain, even as Santana and Suzie scramble into the empty elevator as well, with Suzie on Kurt's left, Rachel behind him and Santana to his right, near the elevator buttons.

"Going down?" Rachel manages to address the old lady, who is still looking at them with a disapproving, judgmental look on her face. Rachel has a polite smile on her face.

"And when we say 'going down' we mean that in all its glorious double entendre," Santana says to the old lady now. "Well, come on lady, I ain't got all day to hold this door for you."

"San!" Rachel chides her wife now, before she turns to the old lady and says, "So sorry about that. My wife was raised in the wilds, by wolves and gorillas, she's still learning the fine art of being civilized."

"Cool! Like Mowgli and Tarzan!" Suzie says now, grinning as Santana rolls her eyes at Rachel.

The old woman clutches at her handbag, horrified, as she draws it closer to her chest before she shakes her head no.

Santana shrugs as she punches the button for ground floor and she smirks at the old woman and folds her arm across her chest as the elevators slide close on them.

When the door closes on them, Santana and Rachel both turn to Suzie and Rachel says, "What did we say, young lady, about too much information and appropriate topics when we're in public?"

"That I should only bring inappropriate stuff up when you're not around," Suzie says, with a grin to Rachel.

Santana laughs but then stops when Rachel turns and scowls at her.

"What?" Santana and Suzie both say to Rachel.

"That's what Mom said, Mee," Suzie says now, with a mischievous grin on her face.

Rachel glares at Santana, whose smirk disappears.

"Oh, don't feel bad, Mee, I now know what 'Two Girls, One Cat is'!" Suzie says now, with a smirk on her face.

Santana blushes as Rachel turns to her and she starts to shake her head no, even as a slow flush starts to bloom from her neck upwards to her face.

"How'd you even…?" Santana manages to ask.

"You type in Santana-Lopez-Mexican-Or-Dominican-Question-Mark and you can see…" Suzie starts.

"Alright, alright, that's enough," Santana says, thoroughly uncomfortable, her blush growing deeper.

Kurt settles himself comfortably on the wheelchair as he watches the exchange between the three. "I won't lie, I am thoroughly enjoying this. It's better than watching even the worst episode of 'True Delights'. I mean, it's horrifying. But thoroughly entertaining!" Then Kurt smiles and says, "And here's another interesting fact for you, Suzie. Your mommy Rachel dated Jesse St. James once."

As this sinks into Suzie, she turns to Rachel and says, "Eew, _Mee_, that guy who looks like he needs a flu shot? In his eye?"

Now it is Rachel's turn to blush as she says, "Kurt!"

Santana smirks. "Bet you wished you hadn't gone out with him now! That two-two-two rule Quinn has really would have come in handy right about now!"

Rachel turns to glare at Santana in turn, effectively shutting Santana up, as Suzie comments, "Well, Uncle Dave's nice, so it's totally okay, although, still gross. But Mee, Jesse St. James? What were you _thinking, _Mee? _Eeww._ he kissed Uncle Kurt!"

Everyone looks at Kurt.

"You little man-whore," Santana whispers to him jokingly, as Kurt blushes.

Kurt clears his throat as he blushes and says, "Err, not my best moment, I know…"

Santana rolls her eyes at Kurt and then says, with a smirk, "Didn't you and Dave used to have a thing in high school, too, Kurt?"

Suzie looks at Santana, then at Kurt and back, and the adults could literally see something click in place in Suzie's mind as she slowly nods as if telling herself, "That makes sense".

"We didn't have a _thing_, Santana," Kurt says, rolling his eyes, but blushing nonetheless.

"But I think Kurt was too much of a snob to take Dave up on his offer, so," Santana continues, ignoring Kurt's comment and smiling. "I actually prefer Dave to that other guy with the gel on his hair, whatsisface? The one who _cheated_ on you? He kept getting solos our junior and senior year."

Kurt continues to blush, not knowing what to say to that. Nobody provides an answer to Santana's question. When Kurt recovers, he looks up at Rachel and says, "Is there _anything_ you don't tell your wife?"

Rachel smiles apologetically. "Sorry. You'll understand when you get married yourself."

Santana smirks as she moves to put her arm around Rachel. Rachel leans back and puts her arm around Santana's waist. Kurt only rolls his eyes. Suzie just grins.

There is another silence in the elevator now, a silence that is broken as Suzie asks, "Hey, Mom, what's a top?"

Kurt grins and quips, with much relish, "Your Mom."

Suzie makes a confused face. "What's a bottom?"

Kurt continues to grin and replies, "Your Mee. And probably a very bossy one at that."

Santana glowers at him as both she and Rachel blush as Suzie looks at them. Kurt smirks and just shrugs his shoulders.

Suzie makes a face. "I still don't get it."

"Oh, sweetie, you're smart. I'm pretty sure you'll get it soon enough," Kurt says, reaching out to pat Suzie's arm. When Santana scowls at Kurt now, Kurt quickly says, "Or not."

Rachel blushes profusely and Santana hisses to Kurt, "I am so going to kill you later." Then she turns to Suzie and says, "You, young lady, grounded for a week."

Suzie's face falls. "Aww, not again."

"What, you're grounding her for your youthful indiscretions and your, err, _preferences_?" Kurt jokingly asks now. Kurt turns to Suzie, "Know when to quit, sweetie. And also, you sure you're related to Santana? She was quite the popular, er, I want to say Mack Daddy?"

"Oh my god, Kurt, shut up," Santana mutters now as Suzie looks at her and smiles with approval and says, "Nice, Mom, really nice."

There is a silence again as they wait for the elevator to reach the ground floor and before the elevator doors slide open, Santana says, to Kurt, "And don't think we all don't know that you're a bottom, too, Kurt."

Kurt blushes as Santana gives him a smug, satisfied smirk, and the elevator chimes "Ding!" and slides open and Santana and Suzie step out, waiting for Rachel to wheel Kurt out. Rachel, of course, bumps the wheelchair again, against the door and Santana sighs and says, "Baby, for the love of god, give me the chair and I'll push Kurt."

Rachel is about to protest but the taller woman steps forward and gives the chair to Santana who mutters to Kurt, "…Right over a cliff or something."

"Hey!" Kurt says now as Santana starts wheeling him past the elevator, the hall and the front door, ignoring Kurt's protests of pain as Santana only laughs and smirks at him. He realizes later though it is just Santana's way of distracting him, knowing full well the woman must have already discussed that PTSD thing that Rachel had brought up earlier. He even forgets, momentarily, that fear he has, the one that creeps up on him when he realizes the same city that he has known and loved is now not so safe for him. He takes a deep breath as he takes in the sight of the hospital's large parking lot, the cars, the sound of sirens, the noise of traffic beyond, people chatting, that illusion of peacefulness that he knows can easily be broken.

Rachel and Suzie follow behind as the front doors open and Santana puts the wheelchair brakes on as she looks at Kurt, concern on her face and says, "You okay? Wait here, I'll go get the car."

A cool autumn breeze blows through him and at first he thinks it's just a particularly strong one that nudges his wheelchair a bit, but then the wheelchair starts to slide down the side ramp of the front steps of the hospital and before he knows it, the wheelchair is sliding down the front steps and into the sidewalk and across the road and he lets out a startled, terrified yell at about the same time Rachel and Suzie shout as well as he scrambles to hold on to the wheels of the chair with his good right arm and his left arm, which, being all in a cast, proves useless at the moment. Then he hears a car's horns blare and he turns and sees a car approaching him and his wheelchair and he freezes, not knowing what to do. As he closes his eyes and hopes for the best, scrambling to make the wheelchair work, he feels his wheelchair being pulled back and he realizes he is still alive and his eyes fly open and he looks around and the car slows up and the driver screams at him, "Watch where you're going!"

Kurt is still too shocked to say anything as the car drives away and Rachel shouts, "You blind?! Jerk!" to the car and Kurt comments, "Oh my god, you're turning into Santana".

Rachel turns to Kurt and says, "You okay? What were you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself?"

Kurt takes a deep breath, trying to still the beating of his pounding heart. Now that he has actually _had_ a near-death experience via his mugging the other day, he realizes he doesn't want to die anytime soon, so he only shakes his head at Rachel and manages to say, "I'm okay," as Rachel pulls him back and over near the front door.

"Hey, Uncle Kurt, you okay?" Suzie asks now.

Kurt nods to her.

A few minutes later, Santana drives up to them, rolls the windows of her car down and says, "Hey babe, Suzie, get in." Then she looks at Kurt as well and says, "Get in loser."

As Rachel rolls her eyes, Santana puts the car in park, pulls at the emergency break, opens her side of the car and helps Rachel put Kurt in the back seat. An orderly comes to retrieve the wheelchair from them and after Rachel complains about how the wheelchair seems broken and how that can be dangerous and they could sue the hospital for that the orderly nods and apologizes and Rachel says an annoyed thanks. Suzie slides in beside Kurt in the backseat whilst Santana gets behind the wheel and Rachel slides into the passenger seat in front.

"Everyone buckled up?" Santana asks.

Everyone nods and so Santana pushes the emergency brake down and as she guns the engine, she turns the car stereo on and says, over the guitar riffs of Jimi Hendrix's song, 'Purple Haze', "In the words of Jimi Hendrix, excuse me while I kiss the sky…."

Rachel and Kurt both roll their eyes as they both do not share Santana's love of, what Kurt thinks, is noise, as Santana drives away from the hospital. Santana catches the expression on their faces and only laughs, as she lets the car glide smoothly into traffic and after shifting gears, she puts her right hand on Rachel's thigh, and Rachel puts her hand on Santana's hand and twines her fingers into Santana's and smiles as Santana's left hand steers the car down Brooklyn's streets.

* * *

Kurt thinks Santana will be driving him to his home on the Lower East Side, so he is surprised when the car stops by Greenburg Hill Gardens in Brooklyn instead. His suspicions are confirmed when Rachel steps out and opens the door for Kurt and says, "Come on, you're spending the night with us."

"I…don't think that is necessary, Rach," Kurt says.

"We know it's not," Rachel says, smiling, "But thought you might want some company, you know, for the night. We promise to bring you back to your apartment tomorrow, okay?"

Santana smirks. "Besides, you're basically incapacitated today, so Rach cooking you some vegan or vegetarian food might do you some good."

Kurt makes a face as Santana laughs. "That's what I think about that, too. I'll order take-out pizza from Luigi's. Brooklyn's got the best pizza, you know that."

"But, I don't have a change of clothes and stuff…" Kurt protests.

Santana rolls her eyes. "Figured you might want some of your stuff. Suzie says you refuse to wear Sam's yellow sweat suit, so. We already swung by your apartment, and got you your stuff. And stuff you like for your face that you claim exfoliates it, but frankly just makes you look older than usual. It's in back. Suzie, go get your Uncle Kurt's stuff, okay?"

"Okay," the girl says, climbing out of the car and grabbing a bag of Kurt's clothes and toiletries from the back, then comes back to stand by her mother, Rachel, who is still standing by Kurt's side of the car, car door open, waiting for Kurt to decide. A breeze blows through them and Rachel and Suzie shiver. Rachel runs a hand on her dark hair. "Hurry up, Kurt, it's cold," Rachel says now.

Kurt sits in the back, indecisive, before he realizes what Santana is saying and he says, "Wait, what?"

Santana smiles. Suzie leans down and says, "We already went to your place, Uncle Kurt. That ex-boyfriend of yours was there again. So worth it to see Mom kick him in the balls when she thought I wasn't looking. Mom, that was so _severely_ cool!"

Santana smiles sheepishly as Kurt stares at her and he says, "Yep, you are related. Like mother, like daughter," even as Rachel leans down and says to Santana, over Kurt's head, "_San! _What am I going to do with you two? You guys are hopeless!"

"I should probably call Bruce now and apologize to him," Kurt muses as he makes to get out of the car.

"Are you high?" Santana asks him. "No way."

"Santana, you and your daughter might have quite possibly maimed my ex. The least I could do is apologize for that," Kurt says.

"Well, the least he could do is turn back time and _not_ cheat on you with your friend, but I guess that's not going to happen, is it?" Santana says testily. "Now get inside and eat Rachel's vegan food!"

"Alright, alright, so bossy!" Kurt says as he scrambles out of the car, Santana smirking at him.

* * *

Much later, over take-out pizza from Luigi's and some vegetarian food Rachel prepared, Rachel, Santana, Suzie and Kurt are in the kitchen having dinner. The kitchen is the same as when Kurt has last been in the Berry Lopez household. There is still the small corkboard and whiteboard off to one side, near the refrigerator, where everyone's schedules are written in marker and on post-its, a radio standing above refrigerator, and all the other accouterments of a typical kitchen. When Santana's mobile phone buzzes, and she checks it, she swallows, takes a drink of juice, rubs her hands together, stands up and says, "I'll be right back."

She leaves the kitchen and comes back with her laptop and speakers and sets it up on the counter. She immediately opens the Skype software and even as she does, it starts ringing and she answers it and before long, she has Quinn, Mike, Mercedes and Sam on her screen.

"Hey, losers!" Santana says, smiling into the webcam and at their friends.

"Hey, Santana!" Sam chirps happily as he grins into the webcam. "Where's Kurt? Is he okay?"

"What the hell are you wearing?" Santana asks Sam now.

Sam looks down at himself and says, "Nothing. I'm shirtless."

"That's the point. Will you put something on? Gross, Sam. We have a child here. And what the hell is that on your face?" Santana demands to know.

"My Captain America mask," Sam says now, with a grin. "I heard Kurt has a thing for Captain America. I'm no Chris Evans, but if you squint really hard, I could pass for a watered down version. Oh, oh, would he prefer Thor instead? I can do a pretty cool impersonation of him!" Then Sam grabs a beach towel and drapes it over his naked shoulders, lowers his voice and shouts, "Ah, your boar's tripe and aurochs are nothing like those of Asgard's. However, your mead is excellent! I like your mead! More mead, wench!"

"Dork!" Quinn calls out to Sam as she rolls her eyes.

"Santana!" Kurt whines as he blushes. "You _told_ them?"

"What?" Santana and Sam say at the same time as Quinn, Mike (and Tina who is sharing the webcam with him) and Mercedes laugh. "I only told Quinn. Not my fault Quinn told everyone else."

"Your gay superhero dream, Kurt? Best thing I ever heard! Definitely made my day!" Quinn says now, whilst laughing.

"Sam, you're wearing your Captain America mask and your beach towel. I don't think Thor wore a mask, or Captain America had a cape," Mike says now.

"Oh, god, you guys are going to talk about masks and capes again, aren't you?" Tina says now, grinning. "Sometimes, I think I'm raising two children. Our child and _Mike_."

"We all are, Tina, we all are," Quinn says, smiling.

"Hey! Masks and capes are awesome!" Mike says.

"Call me Captain Thor!" Sam says.

Quinn is still laughing, before her face grows serious and she says, "Seriously, Sam, I so don't need to see your hairless chest and your man-nipples right now."

"Yeah, white boy, put some clothes on," Mercedes says.

"No way!" Sam says. "I'm abtastic! I look good and you guys know it."

"Ah, Sam Evans. Still as dorky and delusional as that time we dated," Mercedes says now.

"Oh, god, yes," Quinn and Santana both say at the same time.

"Is there _anyone_ you guys never dated at one time or another?" Suzie says now, rolling her eyes, coming up to the laptop to wave at the people on the screen. Santana puts her arm around her daughter and kisses her daughter on her head. Rachel comes up beside Santana and Santana puts her other arm around Rachel.

"Kurt!" Everyone says, before everyone starts laughing. "And Mike!"

Suzie rolls her eyes again at the adults laughing. "Hey, Uncle Sam, Aunt Quinn, Uncle Mike, Aunt Mercedes…!"

"Hey, sweetie!" Quinn says as the others say, "Hey, Squirt!" "Hey, kiddo!" "Hey, Suzie!"

"Hey, Rachel! Kurt!" everyone onscreen says to Kurt and Rachel.

Both Kurt and Rachel smile and wave at them.

"Now, let's see you, Kurt, check to see if you're okay," Mercedes says now. "See if you've got all your appendages intact."

"Yeah, we want to see how you are," Sam says, and the others nod at him also.

As he scoots nearer to the laptop on the counter and starts talking to them, telling them what happened, their friends' facial expressions change to one of sympathy and understanding as he relates what happened, purposefully leaving out the part where he was dressing as a woman to be part of 'True Delights'. Concern, then relief, are etched on their faces as they listen to him, expressing anger, annoyance and much indignation at what happened.

"Yeah, I heard the police were no help, too," Sam says. "Heard Santana went all Lima Heights on them at the hospital when they came to get his statement or something. She was so mad, I heard."

Kurt looks at Santana now, with a quizzical look on his face and Santana only shrugs, saying nothing, smiling sheepishly.

"Anyway, we are so glad you're okay, Kurt," Quinn says. "Everyone's really worried about you. We weren't sure about telling your dad yet. We know he has a bad heart and might freak out or something, so we haven't told him anything yet."

Kurt nods, finding the lump growing in his throat again, looking at Santana and Rachel and smiling at them in gratefulness. Rachel smiles a big smile at Kurt.

"So, anyway, Kurt, we heard you're coming out again?" Sam says. "How true?"

Kurt rolls his eyes at them and says, "No, I'm not. Whatever Santana told you is all a lie."

"Hey, I only told them the barest facts," Santana says. "Like, you enjoy dressing like a little girl. And stuff."

Everyone starts laughing again as Kurt starts to blush, before Sam says, "Aaw, and just when I was getting used to the idea of you as a girl. Maybe I'd have asked you out, too."

There is a brief, unsure silence here as everyone looks at Sam.

Suzie breaks the silence. "I'm confused."

"Sam!" Quinn, Santana and Mercedes say at the same time. Quinn says, "Leave Kurt alone, will you? Give him a break."

"What makes you think I'd go out with you anyway?" Kurt tells Sam now, raising one eyebrow at him.

"Alright, alright," Sam says now. "Just saying, we could have been awesome together!"

Quinn, Santana and Mercedes roll their eyes as Mike says into the webcam, "Sam…shut up."

"Wish we could believe that if you hadn't said that to every single Glee girl in high school," Mercedes says, raising an eyebrow.

Quinn and Santana smirk at Sam. Sam shrugs. "Thought I'd give it a shot."

"You're a pig, Sam," Quinn says, rolling her eyes. Then she turns to the webcam and addresses Kurt. "So, now that you're no longer a working girl," this comment is met by snickers from Sam and Mike, "I was wondering what you're going to do with the dresses you have? I mean, can I have them? It's not like you're using any of them."

"Hey!" Santana says. "Dibs on those!" Then she turns to Kurt and says, "Not that I think you have good taste in clothes, but, I'd like to see if there's any I can use."

"Hey, I want to see his stuff, too!" Rachel says.

Kurt shakes his head and says, "You guys are just unbelievable."

The friends all talk some more and when everyone is assured that Kurt will be fine, they all sign off, promising to check in on Rachel, Santana, Suzie and Kurt soon.

"Hey, Kurt!" Sam says now, as they all get ready to sign off.

"What?" Kurt asks.

"Check this out…!" Sam says, then some music starts playing on the speakers and everyone recognizes it as Sarah Bareilles' song, "Love Song". Sam grins as he says, "Sing it, Rachel!"

Rachel starts singing the first stanza,

"_Head under water and they tell me_

_To breathe easy for awhile_

_The breathing gets harder, even I know that  
Made room for me, it's too soon to see_

_If I'm happy in your hands_

_I'm unusually hard to hold on to  
Blank stares at blank pages_

_No easy way to say this_

_You mean well_

_But you make this hard on me…"_

Then on the chorus, Quinn, Santana, then Mercedes and Tina start joining in on the song, even as Kurt starts to blush, and Mike and Sam start laughing heartily on the webcam, singing (well, shouting really), "I'm not gonna wear a dress for you, 'Cause you asked for it, 'Cause you need one…I'm not gonna wear a girdle, or pantyhose, 'cause you asked me to…"

"_I'm not gonna write you a love song_

_'Cause you ask for it'_

_Cause you need one, you see…"_

"Sing it, Quinn!" Sam says now, bobbing his head to the beat, and Quinn starts singing the next stanza of the song.

"_I learned the hard way that they all say_

_Things you wanna hear_

_My heavy heart sinks deep down under…"  
_

"Santana, take it away!" Mike says and Santana rolls her eyes as she starts singing the stanza.

"_You and your twisted words_

_Your help just hurts_

_You are not what I thought you were_

_Hello to high and dry…"  
_

Then the three, Quinn, Santana and Rachel start singing the next stanza, even as the boys start singing along, but changing up the lyrics between laughter, singing, "Convinced me to wear heels for you, made me think I need this, too, I'm trying to let you see me as I am…"

"_Convinced me to please you_

_Made me think that I need this too_

_I'm trying to let you hear me as I am..."_

Then as the girls start singing the chorus, the boys start singing, "I'm not gonna wear ladies' undies, or lingerie or make-up 'cause you asked for it, 'cause you told me to, if you're on your way…"

"_I'm not gonna write you a love song_

_'Cause you ask for it'_

_Cause you need one, you see…"_

As the boys continue to laugh long after the song has finished, Kurt manages to say, "I hate all of you. And I don't even know how that song is connected to my life right now."

Sam chuckles. "Dude! Sometimes, it doesn't have to mean anything. And tell me that didn't make you laugh! Just trying to cheer you up, is all. Or do you want something like, 'Afternoon Delight'?"

Kurt rolls his eyes. "I still hate all of you. And I can't believe you all bet that I can't last without sex for forty days and nights."

"Dude, we _know_ you can't," Sam says now, "We're dudes. Nobody lasts that long! Plus your superhero gay dream just proves you can't last that long. Am I right, Mike?"

Mike grins. "I'm staying out of this conversation just this one time."

"Alright, suit yourself," Sam says. "Glad you're okay though, Kurt! Take care and we'll be in touch!"

Santana and Suzie finish dinner and head off to the living room, as Rachel and Kurt stay behind, clean the kitchen up and wash up.

* * *

"So, what happened with Dave?" Rachel asks, carefully as she washes and rinses plates and glasses on the sink.

Kurt only shrugs as Rachel hands him the rinsed plates and glasses and he wipes them with a kitchen towel. "I don't know."

"He found out about the Kirsten Hall/Kurt Hummel situation?"

Kurt nods. When he doesn't offer anymore, Rachel says, "I take it he didn't take it very well?"

Kurt nods again. Rachel tilts her head and looks at Kurt in silence for a while before she says, carefully, "Why do I get the feeling there's something else you're not telling me?"

Kurt shrugs and looks down. "There's nothing to tell. He worked at Showmax, on 'True Delights', and we hung out quite a few times and it was fun and he got mad at my dressing up as a woman to get a job and now we're here."

Rachel is quiet for a few seconds before she says, softly, "You like him, don't you?"

Kurt is quiet as well, before he nods his head and says, "Yes." Then he looks up and stares ahead as he says, "Never thought I'd say that, but yes, I like him." Then he looks at Rachel and says, "And if you're planning to give me a lecture about how wrong it is to start liking the very same guy who bullied me in high school, just save it...I'm not…"

Rachel smiles. "I'm in love with the same person I couldn't be in the same room with in high school, Kurt. Lest we forget. So I'd be the last person to judge your tastes in people. People change. You'd be surprised at what people are capable of when you give them a chance. People may surprise you." She then smiles to herself and says, "I know Santana has, on numerous occasions."

Kurt cannot argue with that. They are silent for a while before Kurt speaks up. "It's too late anyway. It's not like he'll ever talk to me ever again anyway. He told me not to call him, text him, email him, or pretty much be in the same room with him. I think if he could get a restraining order against me, he would."

"That's pretty harsh," Rachel comments, after a silence. She then takes off her gloves, turns to Kurt and engulfs him in a hug. "I don't know what to say except, this'll all hopefully blow over and it's a cliché but things will get better, okay?"

Rachel pulls back and looks at Kurt for confirmation, chocolate brown eyes staring at him with so much conviction and though Kurt thinks otherwise, he nods anyway. Just as he does, Rachel's phone rings and she moves to answer it.

A few seconds later, Rachel is handing the phone to Kurt and informing him that it is his agent Joe Maguire.

Rachel finishes up cleaning the kitchen before she moves to the living room to join her family and give Kurt some privacy.

Joe Maguire is quite glad that Kurt is safe and sound and alive and kicking and happily informs him that his problems are solved.

"What do you mean solved?"

"Well, for weeks now, word around the grapevine is 'True Delights' might get cancelled," Joe Maguire says excitedly on the phone. "I was following the news and well, it's been confirmed. It's getting cancelled."

"What? Why?" Kurt asks.

"I dunno. You know how studios and networks can be secretive about this. For a number of reasons, I imagine. Creative differences among the creators seems to be one. James and Keener are alright, but Cameron is a prick and everyone knows it. I think a little, quiet mutiny with the underpaid, overworked actors. I mean I think that work has to be tough. Recording, rehearsing, acting, promoting, doing concerts, whatever. Got to take its toll on the actors. The studio refusing to kowtow to any more of Cameron's demands. A bloated budget? Low ratings. Fandom rebellion. Bad publicity. Bad reviews. Cameron's ego? A combination of all of the above? I don't know."

"What's going to happen to the show? They're not yet done with the season."

"They're pulling the plug. Cameron probably royally pissed off some big wigs at ShowMax. They don't seem interested in his show anymore. About time. That show is crap. Tried to sit through an episode, and I just couldn't finish it. I'd much rather have an enema really," Joe says. "Anyway, this means you're free from the contract and you're free to be Kirsten Hall anytime you want without the danger of being arrested and thrown into jail."

Kurt says, "I…think Kirsten Hall is gone anyway." Kurt is silent. He sighs. "So that means I'm out of work…again."

"Oh, don't feel bad," Joe says. "Got you some auditions lined up."

"What?"

"Yep. Got you an audition for the Broadway revival of 'Hairspray' and 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert'," Joe says.

Against his better judgment, Kurt starts to get more excited than is humanly possible, and he says, "Are you kidding? Are you freaking kidding me?"

Joe laughs. "I kid you not, Kurt. I did snag an audition for you for both. I been thinking maybe I been going about this the wrong way with you and got you the stuff that maybe you might enjoy this time. You audition for Tracy's Mom's role though, so that means you play the wife and you have to wear a fat suit all the time, but you get to wear a dress, and that's supposed to be fun, yeah? And well, same for 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert', too. You get to wear those ridiculous outfits that you so like."

Kurt laughs. "Thank you. Thank you so much Joe. For never giving up on me. And stuff."

"Aaww, don't thank me yet, Kurt. You have to nail your auditions first. There's talk of a Broadway version of 'To Wong Foo' and if that's true I'll do my best to get you an audition for that, too."

When Kurt realizes the pattern in the auditions Joe has snagged for him, he stops smiling and says, "Joe, I'm not…"

"Yes, yes, I know, Kurt, but hey, this could be fun!"

Kurt smiles. "Thank you, Joe. Really."

"No problem," Joe says. "Stay out of trouble, you hear?"

"Yes, _Dad_," Kurt says, remembering that he has to call his father after he finishes talking to Joe.

* * *

A few minutes later, during which he has completed a call to his father, who repeatedly asks him if he is okay (which makes him decide against telling him about being mugged in Brooklyn whilst dressed in drag), he comes out of the kitchen and proceeds to the living room.

He is about to enter the living room when he sees Santana and Rachel standing by the window, gazing out of the window, television playing something in the background. Suzie is nowhere to be found. Rachel has her back to Santana, and Santana has her arms around Rachel, whilst Rachel's hands are on Santana's arms. Santana is whispering something to Rachel and Rachel giggles as she turns slightly and kisses her wife. Santana grins into the kiss and Rachel turns around and wraps her arms around Santana's waist as Santana's arms snake around Rachel's waist, too. The late afternoon sun streams through the window, framing the two against the light.

There is something compellingly intimate and sweet about the scene that makes Kurt think twice about entering and leave his friends alone and so he decides to tiptoe back into the hallway and up the stairs. Once he is on top of the stairs, he is unsure about what to do, but then he decides to head for Suzie's room, but Suzie's room is closed and there is a small, blackboard on the door on which a hastily scrawled message in chalk says, "Keep out!"

Kurt smiles and heads to the guest room, where he promptly flops down on the bed and stares at the ceiling. A few minutes later, he drops off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

Joe was not lying about 'True Delights' being cancelled. It is all over the blogosphere, all over the internet, people alternately happy, confused, sad, that the show is being cancelled. Mostly people feel sorry for what it could have been, and what might have been with the show, its stories, its characters, and some worried that maybe the actors would find it hard, but Alanna Vergara, Helen Cooper, Alice Troy and Pam Ford all find decent work after 'True Delights'. Kurt stays in touch with them, but mostly through social networking sites, and as their schedules grow busy, the keeping in touch is reduced to liking and commenting on posts on sites, or brief emails or messages on mobile phones.

Kurt himself does not know what to feel except that he is relieved he doesn't have to keep the charade as Kirsten Hall any longer.

He auditions for the plays that Joe has set up for him and he nails each one. Thankfully the shows don't have rehearsal times or opening nights that coincide with each other, so he is able to do both shows at the same time. During his free time, he goes to a couple of schools for fashion design and even manages to get brochures from them. He is not sure whether he wants to study design, but he does enroll a couple of subjects to see how it goes and instantly likes it. A few times he thinks about Dave Karofsky, thinks about calling him, but he chickens out at the last minute and with 'True Delights' cancelled, he knows Dave has no reason to stay on the east coast anymore. His friends, especially Rachel and Santana, regularly check on him, and he gets invited to a few movie nights at the Berry Lopez house, to which he goes to, to distract himself from thoughts of Karofsky, but sometimes, when he is all alone, memorizing his lines, or doing his homework for school, he finds himself thinking about Dave and wondering how he is.

He goes to a mental health professional to talk about his being mugged and a few other things besides. The sessions help him a bit, helps him deal with the possible trauma, he thinks, but not where it really matters: which is help fill a hole in his soul he never knew existed. It helps with everything except help him deal with and forget Dave Karofsky and what might have been. He does eventually learn to leave his apartment without fear of being mugged, and learns to walk down streets, past alleys, goes to subways, walk through deserted areas without having a panic attack, or hyperventilating, or having his heart explode inside his chest with nervousness. He has a few nightmares about being mugged, but eventually they become few and far between and he is able to sleep comfortably without fear of being visited by a nightmare.

He meets up with Bruce once, and then later, with André. He doesn't really know why, but the therapist says it might do him some good. He'd like to say it was nice and warm and liberating, and it provides him with the closure he was supposed to have, but he doesn't feel it, sitting across from either man on two separate occasions on an outdoor café somewhere in downtown Manhattan. The thing is, looking at Bruce, and later, André, and attempting to process and talk things through and figure out what went wrong, he realizes, it is over. It had been over with Bruce long before he had found Bruce in bed with André, that it had never actually been going anywhere anyway, and André, well, André was an old bitchy friend from his earlier days in New York, that he should have chucked a long time ago but was too nice to do so. Unlike Rachel (and Santana, as Kurt knows those two come as a package deal), whom Kurt realizes, is someone he knows he can be friends with for the rest of his life, André was never one of those kind of friends, and he is surprised it has taken him this long to realize this. What he feels now though talking to Bruce, then André, is sadness, nostalgia, sentimentality…he knows things are over and he is powerless to stop it or restart it and he knows, unmistakably, that he has to let either of them go. Which he does. And he walks out of the café and out of their lives for good.

He finds some time to visit Rachel's Foundation, which he and their friends like to joke about as the Rachel's MILF Foundation. He meets Zee, Kareem, McG, Anferny and Kenyatta, who are regular volunteers at the center, as well as Rachel's former co-worker, Gloria, Mr. Smith and some other former students. He sometimes helps out and shares tips on singing and acting and, once, sketching and illustrating to a group of curious teenagers who crowd around him, staring at the drawings he was doing for school. He has never done volunteer work, although he knows Rachel has always had a thing for charity work and has always made it a point, since high school, to make people donate to her favorite charity during special occasions. She had also done soup kitchens as well when they moved to New York and though she had actively invited him, he had always found a way not to go. He ends up visiting Rachel's foundation at least once a week.

Autumn, then winter comes and goes, falling leaves and cold breezes giving way to snow and blizzards and sludge and cold winter nights and though there is an ache, a longing in Kurt, but the ache and longing are soothed by the busyness of his schedule, by his newfound resolve to be a better human being.

* * *

A few months later, around the end of spring, Suzie calls Kurt and asks him if he could chaperone the girl and her girlfriend, Kate, out to Coney Island again. Suzie had been asking him to come with her to Coney Island a lot of times in the past, but he had declined, owing to his feelings about the place and its associations with that one time he spent it with them and Dave Karofsky, but Kurt realizes, that day, that he is finally ready, maybe, to visit Coney Island again.

Kurt dresses in jeans, a gray hoodie sweatshirt and sneakers, and since it's just accompanying two lovestruck teenagers, he doesn't feel the need to dress up. Or shave. He is sporting a day old small stubble on his chin and cheeks. He has been up all night memorizing lines and drawing up sketches for his crazy chocolate inspired gowns, which his instructor seems to like, as well as sewing up some blouses and dresses for class.

He meets up with Suzie and Kate at Greenburg Hill Gardens on a bright, spring Saturday morning. There is a smell of freshness, newness in the air. The promise of new beginnings and being able to start over. The promise of possibilities and plans that can be fulfilled. Everywhere there is the energy, excitement, _hope_ engendered by spring. Summer is in the air. He can smell it. He thinks it might be a good summer.

They all troop to the subway for the trip to Coney Island. The place is slowly filling up with people, families, noise, activity, but it is nowhere near the kind of crowd that summers draw. There is a crisp cold and Kurt shivers in his sweatshirt. He can smell hotdogs, popcorn, cotton candy, waffles and a variety of other smells in the air…but most of all, he can smell the strong, salty smell of the sea, wafting through the boardwalk, giving the air a peculiar scent.

Once in Coney Island, Suzie is adamant that they go to Nathan's, but when they get there, Suzie and Kate mysteriously want to check something out at the next stall and before Kurt can protest, he hears a voice behind him say, "Kurt?"

He thinks he is hearing things but he feels his heart skip a beat. He takes a deep breath as he turns around and he looks and there is Dave Karofsky, in jeans and black, short-sleeved collared shirt and jacket. He looks as handsome as the last time Kurt has seen him and Kurt realizes Dave is one attractive man.

He is afraid to speak, but he manages to say, "Hey. Hi."

Dave looks confused again. "Did…did you arrange this? I mean…"

Kurt, horrified, shakes his head a vigorous "No" and quickly says, "Oh, god, no, no, I would never. I had no idea…"

"We've been tricked, haven't we?" Dave says now. "I mean, Suzie's been in touch with me these past few months, bothering me by email and text and calls and she'd told me if I ever find myself in New York that we should totally hang out or something and I should have known when she said Coney Island…"

"I'm so sorry," Kurt says, apologetically. "I swear to you I had no hand in this whatsoever."

Dave nods absently, jamming his fists in the pockets of his jacket and says, "It's okay."

They stand there awkwardly, not knowing what else to say or do and Kurt starts to rock on the balls of his feet.

"How's your arm? How are you? I see you've healed well," Dave says now.

"I'm fine, thank you. Got the cast taken off a few weeks back," Kurt says. "You look nice," he blurts out, before he can stop himself, feeling himself flush from the unexpected compliment.

Dave blushes and nods. "Thanks. You look nice, too. I almost didn't recognize you without your dress and make-up and heels."

Kurt doesn't quite know what to say to that, but opts for honesty and says, "I'm…I'm sorry about that…"

Dave nods and cuts him off and says, "You never called."

Kurt is too surprised at first to say anything, but then he clears his throat and says, "Um…you told me not to call you, text you, email you…you kind of pretty much said to stay away from you… And I've kind of learned when somebody says that to me, I should totally just do it." Dave nods again as Kurt continues, "Plus, um, you know, I got mugged and everything, so I didn't have the use of a mobile phone for a while."

When Dave doesn't say anything, Kurt says, "I never got to thank you, for, um, saving my life that day, when I got mugged…"

Dave shrugs, waves the hand in his pocket away, before saying, "It was nothing."

Kurt nods again. There is a silence again.

Before he loses his nerve, Kurt quickly says, "Look, I'm sorry about everything that's happened…between us…before…when we were in high school…and now…I never meant to hurt you or anyone else, and I know nothing I'll do will ever make up for the hurt I caused you, I was a jerk. I still am, I know. But…maybe we can start over? No lies this time. Just you and me, talking…and stuff…"

When Dave doesn't say anything, Kurt says, "I mean…the hard part's over. I mean, you can't deny you had fun with Kirsten Hall…"

"I miss Kirsten," Dave suddenly says. "I miss talking to her. I liked her. Which is kind of weird because up to the time you told me at the hospital that you and Kirsten were one and the same, I was seriously starting to ask myself confusing questions about Kirsten…or more specifically how I felt about Kirsten…"

"Kirsten's still here," Kurt says. "I just need to learn to be more like her without the dress…" But then, what Dave says starts to sink in and he says, "Wait…what?"

Dave looks at him. "I've been thinking about …Kirsten and what happened…and how confusing it has all been…"

Kurt nods, not knowing what to say to that. "So, where to now?"

"Huh? What?" Dave says, confused.

"I mean, this, _us_," Kurt says, gesturing vaguely.

Dave smiles. "I don't know. Maybe we should take it slow, for now, and think about the 'us' part later…"

Kurt shouldn't let himself hope, but he feels it, the hope burgeoning in his heart as he looks up at Dave. Dave only smiles at him. It's the kind of smile that reaches his dark green eyes. The kind of smile Dave once gave Kirsten Hall the first time he meets Kirsten Hall. "As long as you promise to warn me next time you dress up, maybe…"

Kurt waves a dismissive hand away. "I'm over it. It's too much work. And those girdles and heels are no joke."

Dave laughs. "You make it look easy."

"That's hours of work to make it look easy!" Kurt says as he nods to the girls who come up to them.

Dave smiles. There is a silence between them again.

"So I guess we're on some kind of blind date, huh?" Dave says now, looking awkward and sheepish. When Kurt nods, Dave sighs and says, "I don't think _this_ is going to be easy but maybe we can start over…?"

Kurt nods and smiles. He extends his hand and says, "Okay. Kurt. Kurt Hummel. I'm an actor, and I like fashion and I'm gay and sometimes I can be a jerk, but if you give me a chance, I can grow on you…"

Dave grins back and accepts his hand. "Dave, Dave Karofsky. I majored in management and until recently I worked for ShowMax and with Bryan Cameron but I'm no longer connected with either and the West Coast was getting boring and I'm currently in between jobs but things are looking up and I'm gay, too and I've been known to be a jerk sometimes, of which I am sorry for now, but much like you, given the chance, I can probably make your life more interesting."

Kurt grins. "Okay."

"Okay."

Dave slowly withdraws his hand from Kurt's grip and Kurt reluctantly lets go of his hand as they see Suzie and Kate approach them, waving their hands at the two men.

"So Suzie is Santana's daughter, huh?" Dave says now. "And Santana and Rachel are _together?_"

"You kind of need to stop sounding incredulous every time you say that," Kurt says now, as they wait for the two girls to get to them. "It's not a big deal. It kind of lost its appeal a few years ago.

Dave smiles apologetically. "Sorry, it's just…it's going to take a little bit of getting used to. I still can't wrap my head around that actually," Dave says now.

"Yes, but you'll get over it," Kurt says, "I mean they've been together, what, six years now, and legally married to each other for a year, so."

"Wow!" Dave says now. "So is Santana still the same Santana we all know and love in high school? And is Rachel the same too?"

Kurt grins. "Oh, yes, except now Santana has found better use for her scheming, manipulative ways via the means of practicing law, whereas Rachel is sort of a Broadway star and a non-profit Arts Education hero."

Dave smiles. "Yes, I heard about that. I couldn't believe it was the same person. There was talk about her having a partner, but I hadn't put two and two together til…that time in the hospital a few months back."

"Hey, Uncle Kurt!" Suzie says now. "Check it out, Mom and Mee are here!"

Kurt cranes his neck and sure enough, he sees his best friend, Rachel, holding hands with Santana, both having traded their work clothes for scarves, jeans, blouses, jackets and boots. Both have their long, dark wavy tresses in waves down their shoulders and back, Santana wearing large, hoop earrings and Rachel wearing teardrop earrings. Both are wearing light make-up. They are both engaged in a deep conversation with each other and it would seem as if nobody else exists in the world except the two of them. A light breeze blows through them and instinctively, the couple press together, Santana automatically putting an arm on Rachel's shoulder as Rachel puts her arm on Santana's waist.

"They do make a beautiful couple," Dave comments now.

"They do, don't they?" Kurt says as he smiles at them.

"And they seem really in love," Dave continues.

"I know, right? That's the weird part," Kurt says.

Dave laughs. "I think we are all in agreement that Santana can actually be an awesome person when given the chance. I should know. We were friends in high school after all. Or what passes for friends in high school. I don't think it's any surprise Rachel is in love with her."

The couple wave at Dave and Kurt as they make their way towards them.

Kurt turns to Suzie now and says, "You know, I hope you did all of this legally, because if your mothers find out you've done something…"

"Aw, Uncle Kurt, they both gave their blessings for this one," Suzie says with a satisfied smirk on her face.

Kurt and Dave both blush and manage to smile as the couple finally comes up to them and greets them all.

"Hey, Hummel, Karofsky," Santana casually greets both men with a smile, before turning to Suzie and Kate and smiling at them and says, "Hey, kiddo. Kate." She then takes a look around and comments, "Ugh, so many people, I've forgotten how much I dislike this place. I'd really much rather be at home, curled up in bed, _sleeping_ next to my wife but…"

"Honey," Rachel says, tugging at her wife's waist.

"Sorry," Santana says now, giving her wife a kiss, before turning to everyone and saying, "Where to now?"

Suzie raises a fist before saying, "Ferris wheel!"

Santana makes a face. "I hate Ferris wheels!" Santana says now.

"What's the matter, you chicken, Santana?" Kurt asks now, with a smirk.

Santana scowls at him. "Unlike you, I'm not afraid of heights. I just find it exceedingly boring and not worth my time. Feel free, however, to go on the Ferris Wheel if you want to."

And then Santana, Rachel, Kurt and Suzie launch into an argument about where to go even as Dave and Kate take a step back and watch the argument unfold before their very eyes.

After a few minutes, Dave turns to Kate and asks, "Are they always like this?"

Kate studies her girlfriend, her girlfriend's parents and Kurt before answering, "Well, not all the time."

Dave smiles as Kurt turns to them and announces that the group has reached a consensus.

"We're going to get hotdogs, and go to the beach after and maybe do some shooting at stuff, according to Suzie," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.

Suzie squeals in delight as they decide on which place to get the best hotdogs from. As they all troop to what they think is the best hotdog stand, Kurt takes a look at Dave, who is smiling at Santana and Rachel and Suzie, and shaking his head at them in amusement. Dave must have noticed Kurt staring because he looks at Kurt now and smiles at him. Kurt smiles back at him. There is a warmth that spreads through him and within him as he looks at Dave now.

"So, which would you prefer?" Dave asks now.

"I'm sorry?" Kurt asks.

Dave shrugs. "Would you prefer 'Ice, Ice, Baby'? Or 'As Long As You Love Me'? 'Afternoon Delight'?"

"What?" Kurt asks now.

Dave grins at him. "I figure I could impress you with my horrendous singing or something. I mean, if this is a date, I guess I'm supposed to impress you with my…skills…"

Kurt laughs, blushing. "I think we've established that's one of the most awful singing we've heard in a while."

"I can dance," Dave offers, jokingly.

"Ugh, zombie dancing once in high school does _not_ count as a skill," Kurt says smiling.

Dave pretends to look sad as he says, "Aw, shucks, I'm sorry. I plumb run out of tricks. And only on the first date!"

Kurt laughs. "I think you don't need to impress me with anything. You just need to look cute and adorable all the time…"

Dave blushes.

Then Suzie and Kate pass them by and give them wolf whistles and winks and then they both giggle, making Dave and Kurt blush even more. Then Santana and Rachel pass by them and Santana comments to the two men, "Ugh, get a room. You guys should just totally make out already. So glad you were the last two people in McKinley I _never_ made out with!" When Rachel stares at her with one raised eyebrow, Santana hastily says, "_Not_ that I made out with _everyone_ in McKinley. That's just ridiculous. I…"

"Leave them alone, honey, they're on a date," Rachel says now, as she kisses Santana on the cheek and tugs Santana away from them.

"Hmm, maybe _you_ guys should get a room," Kurt retorts to their retreating backs.

"We _are_. That little haunted house thing over there should do just fine," Santana says back over her shoulder, with a smirk on her face.

"Gross, Santana," Kurt says.

"She's kidding, Kurt," Rachel hurriedly says.

"No, I'm not!" Santana says now, with a smile.

"Funnily enough, I think she's really not," Kurt says, stopping and looking at them.

Dave laughs. He comes up to Kurt, body so close to Kurt's, that Kurt feels his warmth and Kurt blushes, feeling self-conscious at how close Dave is to him. Dave's hand comes up to hold Kurt's elbow lightly and he says, "Come on, let's get some hotdogs. On me. Don't worry, on our next date, we are totally eating real food, like, in a restaurant or something."

Kurt looks up and he sees Dave smiling. Kurt smiles at him. As they make their way to the nearest hot dog stand, Kurt and Dave walk closely and stand close to each other. They spend the rest of the time talking or chatting with Santana, Rachel and the girls, walking down boardwalk or down the beach.

Kurt thinks it is a great day.

Kurt thinks it is the beginning of what he now feels will be a good life.

And with his friends, and hopefully, Dave, at his side, he knows he can do anything. Be anything.

Be, finally, _alive_.

* * *

_**Author's end notes:**_

_**That's it for this chapter and this story! Many thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing!**_

_**By the way, word has it Glee just got confirmed for Season 5, so that is some major sadness all around. Guess that means more fan fic writing is in order! Although, how cool is it that Santana finally moves in with Rachel and Kurt? My Pezberry heart won't probably be able to take how Glee will royally screw up that NY storyline, but yay for Pezberry!**_

_**Anyway, fancy a sequel? Let me know in the reviews page.**_

_**I'd like to thank my beta, DragonsWillFly for beta-ing this chapter for me. Many thanks, beta!**_

_**Now on to your comments:**_

_**To kickangel - Hi. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Glad you loved the meta and the other references, and as for 'Who Killed Jenny?', no one knows!hahah! It's an ongoing discussion my beta and I have. Our theory is that Glee is pretty much like L-Word, except with music, and RM and IC were really separated at birth! As for everything else in your comment, hope this chapter answers all that. :) Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**_

_**To pictureofsuccess - Hey! Thanks for reading Chapter 4. I'm sorry the last chapter made you horrified and wonder about why you liked Glee in the first place. I think it's totally okay to enjoy Glee, I still go to youtube to check performances by Santana Lopez (and when it's with Quinn and Rachel so much the better!) but it's also nice to look at it from a critical standpoint and examine how it treats women, gays and lesbians and minorities (which has always been one issue I've had with the show) because sometimes though Glee does serve up some really awesome storylines, they also serve up some incredibly offensive ones, too! It boggles the mind! :) As for the GLAAD awards, have no idea. As for Kurt's epiphany and everything else, glad you enjoyed reading all of that. Thank you. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, too.**_

_**To kutee - Hi. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Glad you enjoyed the last chapter despite me going in on the show. :) Hope you enjoyed this chapter, as well! Cheers!**_

_**Song featured in this chapter:**_

_**"Love Song" Sarah Bareilles (as covered by Glee - I know, I know, but any song covered by Diana Agron, Lea Michele and Naya Rivera is awesome! Get thee to youtube and check it out. I saw it and I had to include it. This is also the song that made me realize, hmmm, Diana Agron's improved and she can now sing better.)**_


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